FIRST AND ONLY

CHAPTER 23

CHAPTER 23

I’ve been again absent for school this past few days, I’m not the same person anymore three months ago. I met Gaile three months ago, I existed in this planet for seventeen years without this girl, why can’t I move forward? Sometimes the people we’ve known for a short amount of time have the biggest impact more than the people we knew since forever. You could sit with someone you know for three hours and feel bore and you could sit with someone you barely knew for minutes and feel comfortable enough to tell this person everything.

I found myself drinking alone tonight, I don’t know how many mugs of beers it has been, I’m guessing ten? I used to find it stupid whenever someone gets his/her heart broken the only choice they make is to drink it all the way with alcohol/beer, it doesn’t make the problems go away or give solutions to it, but now it makes sense, because for a second, we just want to feel numb about the sadness.

I was walking down the streets feeling dizzy, it’s midnight, I’m not quite sure if I’m taking the right direction to go home, I couldn’t see clearly, lights f the streets were pretty dim. I bumped into these set of guys on the street, I said sorry, the other guy said it’s okay, I looked at him and saw Lance Angoncillo’s demon reflection, I grabbed him and punched him in the face.

He fell down on the floor touching his jaw, I thought I hit him hard, and thought he really deserved it. But on the second look, I actually punched the guy I don’t even know, the guy I thought was Lance. And ofcourse,I knew I’m screwed up. His friends were all over me, I felt punch on the face, on the stomach and there was also kicking when I fell down. They were still hurting me, I actually deserved it, it was painful, the kind of pain that when it hits you, you just say “I’m used to it”, cause right now I’m getting used to it. I closed my eyes and asked myself “What happened to me?”, I don’t even know me anymore, I just know that the guy lying on the streets tonight getting kicked and punched by strangers is not the person I wanted to become.

I opened my eyes,it was a complete blur at first, when I blinked again slowly it was becoming clear. I found myself lying in my bed, I couldn’t move my hands, my jaw, my stomach, it all aches. If this is heartache then why does everything ache?

I heard the door open, I saw mom carrying a tray. I still wonder how I was able to go home. She sat near my bed and dropped the tray, it was a bowl of oatmeal and a glass of water.

“Mommy?”

She took a sigh and looked at me, and gave me a letter.

It was from school, it’s a notice says that I’m failing some of my major subjects.

“I’m sorry Mom.” I feel like I’m such a disappointment, maybe cause I really am. I can’t believe I came this far.

She rubbed my hair and started crying.

The saddest scene you could actually witness is when your Mom cries, the hurt is doubled cause you know you’re the reason behind those tears. I hugged her. She kissed me on the forehead and said “It’s okay son”. No, it’s not okay, a slap or a scold is acceptable right now, I wanted her to be mad at me, that would be easier, that would be less painful.

At that time, I was awake, it’s a wake up call to this nightmare, I need to have my life back. I don’t want to see Mom crying again, I don’t want to abuse the chance that she gave me, this is not the the life that I want. 

I felt it was about time for me to have an “EMU” with Anthony and Pau. I knew I was prepared.

Anthony was giving me that look again, the kind of look you give when you don’t like the food that’s been served.

“What?” I asked

“I had my heart broken too, but I didn’t actually looked like someone who survived from cancer then figured out he has cancer again after three days.” He was having his big eyes movement while shaking his head.

I laughed, that wasn’t a compliment, but I missed Anthony and Pau, I felt bad ignoring them for weeks, I feel stupid.

“I’m glad you’re back” Pau said while tapping my back “It’ll eventually be fine”, he continued.

I extended my arms towards them and said “Thank you.”

I told them everything that night, where I went when I didn’t feel like going to school and how I got punched last night and everything. They were listening, it was enough, because sometimes a sad person really doesn’t need someone to talk to, most of the time we only need someone that listens, and that’s Pau and Anthony to me.

I made a list of the right things that I should do to make all the wrong things disappear. I first talked with my Professors, I’m almost failing every units that I have except for one…P. E. Who ever fails P. E right? They were so generous and kind for giving me a chance, they offered me special project and retake on the quizzes I’ve missed. Miss Lojo hugged me and said “At times, people need to fight for you. If they don’t, you just have to move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you.”

I didn’t mention about the heartbreak but she knew, no wonder why she’s everybody’s favorite teacher, she’s like a second mom to everybody. I texted Veronica right after, I told her that we’re doing the Know each other session tomorrow and I will try my best for us to catch up cause we totally missed a lot of things, I apologized to her too. After 10 minutes I got a reply that says,

“No worries Atienza, I’m glad you’re fine and back. Don’t worry about the project we would totally catch up.  Whatever it is, Im sure you’ll be fine cause you are a fighter, right?Tee hee J “

I must admit that it totally cheered me up, you find comfort to the person you actually least expect.  I replied with a  “Thanks,don’t assume you’re missed,pimple face.”

I returned to my phone’s inbox and found Gaile’s last text message after Veronica’s message.

From my point of view, it would be safe enough to say that most of the time the girl that we actually don’t like is a lot concern than the girl we like.

This is what it looks like on my inbox:

Girl I don’t like:

“No worries Atienza, I’m glad you’re fine and back. Don’t worry about the project we would totally catch up.  Whatever it is, Im sure you’ll be fine cause you are a fighter, right?Tee hee J “

Girl I like:

“Kay,you could come.”

If I show my inbox to a stranger right now, he would instantly assume that the Girl that I like is not interested in me, that she’s heartless and totally not worth the pain and the time. That I should consider for the Girl that I don’t like cause she replies with long messages, put a smiley on them. You feel stupid about it.

I was doing some of the assignments I missed, I was waiting for Pau to go online on his messenger for the other details but he hasn’t been on. I did the essay first. There were easy parts on them, cause some are downloadable and researchable, don’t you just love technology.

It’s past 11 and still Pau isn’t online, I checked my contacts, and to my surprise I saw Gaile online. I know I should probably ignore her since I didn’t get a reply to the messages I’ve sent her. I have to do the right thing, I said. And so I did.

“How are you?”

I chatted, I guess I’m really stubborn.

I didn’t get a reply instantly.

“Busy,why are you still awake?”

She replied after 15 minutes. This is the first conversation after she left without saying goodbye and she talks to me now like nothing happened and everything’s cool and the thought about “How am I?” is not even there.

I was in to typing a reply to her when…

“Hey,my manager called,got to go. I hope all is well Mac!”

Don’t you just love technology? She’s miles away but she can still communicate and break my heart.