Just A Slave To Rock n' Roll [Brustoff]

Chapter 13

A/N: Before we get into this chapter I just want to thank you all... You guys are all so loyal and as soon as I post a new chapter you're all here. Your responses to this story so far have been amazing and honestly my mind is just blown! Writing is like the only thing I'm good at and you literally have no idea how much it means to me that you all like this story so much! Okay, I'm gonna stop here XD. Thank you so much my lovely readers and here's a new chapter! I update on Tuesdays and Sundays, enjoy! 💜✌️

When I woke up and opened my eyes I met three pairs of eyes staring down at me.
I flinched sitting up and they all moved away from me.
"He's awake." Lzzy said.
"No shit." I said rubbing my eyes. "What the fuck are you three doing in my room?"
I looked at Austin, Andy and Lzzy that seemed to become my roommates too and not just my friends. 
"You seemed a bit unbalanced last night, so I figured you might want to talk about it." Austin said.
"Your eyes are still kinda red and puffy." Lzzy pointed out.
What?
I jumped to my feet and ran to the bathroom looking myself in the mirror.
Shit. My eyes were, indeed, red an puffy and I had dark circles around them. My skin was even paler than usual and like that I might as well just pass as a zombie.
Then I remembered what actually happened last night.
Fuck.
I looked like this because I cried myself to sleep letting the realization of me liking Bruce sink in.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror one more time. What the fuck is wrong with you?!, I wanted to yell at myself, but I just bit on my lip.
I couldn't like Bruce... That was absurd. I hated him - that yes. I hated him so very much that... My mind kept going back to the scene where he kissed me.
I ripped my gaze away from my reflection and turned around seeing Austin, Andy and Lzzy all looking at me questioningly.
I pushed them out of my way exiting the bathroom as I avoided their gazes and walked straight to my drawer putting on the first pair of jeans I found and a Papa Roach tee.
"Denis, what is it?" Andy asked me his tone actually soft which was a rare thing to hear.
"What? Nothing." I said dismissively.
There was no way in hell I'm telling either one of them that I let Ben kiss me and then push me into the ocean let alone that I liked the kiss and that it was possible I liked him too.
I needed to get drunk and just catch a break from all of this. It was killing me. All of this. I'm gonna end up triggering my depression again and I doubt they have pills for that here too.
I just needed to party and get drunk to the point of passing out then hook up with someone and just be me.
"You were crying last night. That's not really a sign of nothing." Austin told me.
"I'm gonna go grab some breakfast." I said ignoring him. "If you need me I'll be in the main kitchen."
"You have to know that if you wanna talk about it, we're here." Austin tired again, but I wasn't in the mood.
"Well, I don't wanna talk about it!" I snapped slipping my black converse on before I disappeared out the door running out of the hallway before they managed to catch up with me.
The main kitchen and breakfast thing was a lie though, I headed to the second floor but not with a particular plan.
I just wondered around the hallways trying to think. Tomorrow we will be in Portugal and I hoped that the flash of the real world I'll get in the two days there will be enough for me to snap out of it, but until then I just had to focus on not focusing on Bruce at all.
It was surprisingly quiet on the ship, so I suppose yesterday's party was killer and everyone were still recovering. I didn't mind it. I liked the feeling of being alone and not constantly stumbling across people with which I had to make pointless small talk.
Eventually I stumbled upon a room that actually got my attention.
I hesitantly walked in then sighed in relief when I realized it was empty.
It was a studio room with all the instruments that bands usually use and a small set up for recording vocals.
I felt a spark of excitement light up in me as the place reminded me of the only good thing from back home.
I used to take guitar lessons and I used to try to sing and scream professionally on a daily basis.
I walked by all the electric guitars hanging from the wall eventually picking up the one that seemed the best for me. I threw the guitar strap over my head and held the guitar sliding my fingers across the strings adjusting to the new feeling of it in my hands.
Then I picked up a guitar pic and strummed over the strings hesitantly at first, then with each movement more and more confidently as the sound filled the empty room.
I almost forgot how good it felt. I revised the cords and my finger movements along them. I wasn't an excellent guitarist, but I knew how to use an instrument.
A half an hour later I found myself roaming around the studio room switching between playing Psychosocial by Slipknot and B.Y.O.B by System of A Down with a huge smile on my face.
I almost forgot how therapeutic the whole process of playing some of your favorite songs can be.
I eventually ended up singing/screaming the lyrics along to the song as I played if pretty much having my own mini concert.
After about an hour and a half of fooling around and killing time while pretending to be a rockstar, I was interrupted by the door of the room flying straight forward.
I could see someones foot move out of my view in the second after and then I heard fast footsteps streaming down the hallway.
I quickly put the guitar back in its place and ran towards the door as embarrassment erupted in me.
I left the door of the studio room just slightly open, not really thinking. I mean, there was no one, why would it cross my mind that someone might spy me.
I peeked out, but there was no one again. Just like when I came here - silence and emptiness.
Maybe they haven't seen me, maybe they just heard, I tried to comfort myself.
See, there was a lot of things I didn't particularly care about, but something about me doing music was way more intimate to me than it might seem to someone else.
I exited the studio room, deciding it was enough for today as I headed up towards the roof of the ship suddenly wanting to get drunk again.
It was too early for another party and I liked that fact considering I just wanted to be alone for now.
Maybe that was also something that was highly bothering me. Here on The Labyrinth Cruise I had almost no alone time and I really needed that from time to time.
I walked for about 10 minutes before I finally found my way to the door that lead onto the place on the ship that lied beneath the open sky.
I smiled to myself when I found this place to be empty as well. I walked straight to the bar table walking around it to all the fridges with cold alcoholic drinks in them.
I didn't even pick what I wanted to drink, I just checked which drink had the biggest alcohol percentage. I pulled that bottle out of the fridge finding it to be some kind of a whiskey.
I didn't care. I got a glass and poured that whiskey in it until it was full.
Then I downed the drink slamming the glass back down on the table.
The liquid burned as a bitch when it slid down my throat and the effect hit me right away as I went blind for a moment. I got my vision back that very second and dizziness replaced the absence of it.
I didn't stop there though, not even close.
I poured my glass full once again and downed it again feeling my brain slow down as all my movements suddenly required more strength then ever.
I smiled though. I liked this. I liked this a lot. I just needed to pass out and forget as much as possible.
So I poured myself another drink, and another, and another... and I stopped counting after the 5th one.
The Sun was shining bright and that mixed with so much alcohol I had was giving me a splitting headache already and that was my call to at least try to get back to my room.
As soon as I stood up to my feet the world around me started spinning and I helplessly fell down to the floor.
I groaned not even processing properly what was happening as I reached up to the bar table and held onto it standing back on my feet.
It was so hard to detect my surroundings as everything my eyes would lay on seemed to become an optical illusion becoming all crazy and going up and down then circling.
What the fuck?
Maybe I should've checked what that whiskey was mixed with.
It didn't matter now anyways. What was done is done, and now I just had to get to the door. Once I stumble in the hallways it'll be easier because it wasn't much objects there.
I took a shaky step forward trying to straighten my spine, but I just almost fell over again.
"Shit." I hissed as the world did a twist around me again.
Then suddenly I felt sick as my stomach couldn't take the amount of alcohol I forced into my body in such a short time.
I let go of the table as I instinctively ran towards the fence of the ship's balcony and threw up down into the ocean.
When I was done I whipped my mouth with my shirt and leaned onto the fence as I suddenly felt too weak for anything.
I started to regret my actions as my eyelids suddenly felt heavy like a ton of bricks.
I leaned onto the fence even more desperately wanting a release from my pathetic state, but all I did was make it even worse.
My head was killing me and I haven't even realized that my legs slipped off the ground as I looked down straight into the ocean.
I realized I was falling just in time when I heard a pair of swift footsteps running towards me, and before I managed to flip over the fence into the ocean probably to my death even, a hand caught mine pulling me backwards.
I leaned onto someone way too drunk to open my eyes let alone respond in any other way.
"God, you're so shit faced is not even funny anymore." A familiar voice said. 
Not a good type of familiar though.
"Ben?" I asked in confusion forcing myself to slowly open my eyes. "What are you... Hey, let me go." I suddenly had the urge to fight him off of me, but my reflexes were so slow that I haven't even managed to raise my hand.
"Yeah, so you can fly down into the sea." Bruce said like I was an idiot. ''Nice thinking.''
"You didn't have a problem with that last night." I said.
I felt him flinch and that made me look at his ocean blue eyes.
There was something like regret in them as he looked at me almost a bit shocked, but he quickly turned his facial expression into an uninterested one.
"I warned you about not trusting me, so it's kinda your own fault." He just said.
"It was my fault you kissed me then proceeded to push me into the ocean, really?" I slurred. "Then why did you bother to stop me from falling now?"
"Good question." He just said as he helped me walk back to the bartable.
Fuck, even in this absolutely wasted state I was he managed to mess with my sanity. He was just so fucking confusing and I didn't know how to get a hold of him in any way.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked as he looked at my eyes probably trying to tell how drunk I was. "Don't you hate me?"
He just looked at me then moved away as I held onto the bartable. "I don't hate you Denis." He sighed a bit.
"I guess that's a bummer since I sure hate you." I clicked my tongue chuckling.
"Really?" He looked at me with his eyebrows high as a spark of amusement played in his eyes.
"Yes, really." I said taking a step towards him, but I ended up falling and he had to catch me again.
He held me up in front of him staring at me in silence.
"What? You finally came to terms of what you're dealing with?" I asked trying to sound challenging, but my words just sounded sloppy.
"I'm currently dealing with an extremely drunk idiot." He said.
"Once I'm sober I'm gonna go down on you so bad." I said enthusiastically.
"Down in which way?" He smirked pushing me towards the bartable.
I pushed him away finally getting a bit of a hold of myself. "I may be drunk, but I'm not gonna kiss you."
"You mean kiss me again?" He looked at me.
"Oh no." I shook my head probably looking retarded because of my slow motions. "Last night you kissed me. Don't play dumb now."
"But you liked it." Bruce stated.
"Did I?" I raised my eyebrows at him.
"I think you did." He stepped towards me standing right in front of me again.
"And why in the world would you think that?" I asked.
"Because you're glancing at my lips." He smirked again.
Shit, was I?
I quickly looked up at his eyes forcing my brain to work faster.
"I'm imagining how they would look like bleeding." I said trying to get myself out of it.
"So... you wanna bite them?" Ben raised an eyebrow at me slowly biting on his bottom lip.
My stomach did a twist and this time if had nothing to do with alcohol.
"You're acting like those are all my thoughts when in reality it's all you." I said.
"So what if I am?" He asked. "You wanna know what else I wanna do to you?"
My breath got caught up in my throat and my heart rate sped up pumping the oxygen quicker through my body making the alcohol reduce faster as I became more and more aware with each passing second.
"You should probably get over yourself 'cause everyone else already has." I said. "If I were sober I'd throw a punch right now."
"And I'd block that punch and pin your hands up above your head." He said wickedly.
"I'd try to get free. I'd use my knee." I said.
"I'd keep you in place with my hips." He clicked his tongue. "I'd be roughly pressed against you, and you'd probably rub against me trying to wiggle out of my grip, but you'd probably get caught up in it because, you know... crotch against crotch."
I hated to admit it, but it was almost like we were fucking sexting at this point. I imagined every fucking word he said and I had the scene right in front of my eyes. To say it was turning me on would be an understatement.
I was breathing heavily and I shook my head to snap myself out of it.
"I'd scream for help." I said not seeing any other way out. "Somebody would hear it I'm sure and then you'd just look like an idiot."
"But what if I shut you up with a kiss?" Bruce played along. "What if my lips were suddenly on yours moving in ways you can't even imagine? You're shocked I suppose, so I move down to your neck finding your sensitive spot and sucking right there."
"I'd use your moment of distraction to break free." I said, but my words sounded so distant as I was far far away caught up in the scene that him and I just created.
"What then? You already have a boner." He smirked at me, but not looking directly at my face. 
I followed his gaze and my eyes fell to the obvious bulge in my jeans.
My eyes widened as I met his own and I pushed him away from me.
I tried to head straight towards the door, but I ended up stumbling in my footsteps as the world around me started spinning again when I stopped focusing on just one thing.
Ben caught me again. "It's okay, horny boy." He chuckled then threw my arm around his neck helping me walk out. "Let's get you to bed."
I relaxed beside him catching up on the rhythm of our footsteps as my body was suddenly desperate for sleep.
When we finally got to my room Ben put me down on my bed taking off my shoes and throwing the covers over me.
He moved my hair out of my face and his thumb slid down my cheek and across my lips.
I wanted to respond, move him away or pull him closer... I honestly didn't even know at this point.
I didn't know what even happened up there on that balcony, but there was no denying I felt more than just a strange attraction towards him. And perhaps his act 'I'm just messing with you' was, in fact, just an act.
Or maybe it was all just whiskey talking as the last thing I heard before I fell asleep was Ben's voice.
"You have no idea what you're doing to me Denis." He whispered and then it was all just dark piece.