"Two months of being alone and without Ross, is two months of me regretting my decisions, of me being absolutely outraged towards myself, of me missing being alone with Ross."
"To love and to be loved back."
Caspian screwed up big time with her aunt...
"Where does she work again?" I teased and I could practically see Ross rolling his eyes.
"She doesn't." He said quietly.
"And where does she live?" I continued.
"With me." He answered.
"Exactly." I flinched as a seagull came towards me. "When she pays bills or for groceries then she can complain, I mean I think if you keep having conflict this early on you should just call it quits."
"This coming from the girl who made our relationship harder than it was supposed to be." He said harshly before apologizing.
"No, no, you're right, I just have to remember to shut my big fat mouth." I said sarcastically.
"I love her." He confessed quietly. "I know all it seems that I do is bitch and moan about her, but her good qualities surpasses the bad and the ugly by a long shot. She just wants me to reach my full potential." I could tell he was being honest in what he was saying. I mean he was defending her honor against me.
"I'm happy for you." I only half lied. "Maybe I can find my Prince Charming out here."
That is if I ever get off the phone with him.
"Don't try too hard, he'll fall right in your lap eventually."
"Yeah right." I sat up watching the waves, wanting to go for a swim. "I'm going to have to let you go, ocean's calling me."
"Alright Caspian, take it easy. And think about coming back to the states sometime soon." And just like that I was alone again.
I have put thought into what Ross said, about my fears, about going home to an empty house.
He's right like always. I just can't bare the thought of having to settle down right now, and it's horrible that I'm thinking this way, but I feel like I'd be settling for second best. And I didn't want a happy medium, I wanted it all.
You had it all. My subconscious reminded me. Were you even happy?
Was I?
••••
School is out in two weeks, my birthday is in two weeks, life is hurtling towards an inevitable death and there are days where I can't even think about writing a word.
Writer's block has once again swept me up in its arms and swaddled me like a baby, trying to distract from my current job.
And speaking of job I'm going to a job fair tomorrow and I'm going to get a job to raise money to see my friend Hanna who lives in Oregon :)
So yeah, on my horizon is completing my sophomore year of high school. Turning 17 and getting a job. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Q&A
Q: Are you and Caspian ever going to get back together? Ross: I don't like to look too far into the future, so right now, no I don't feel like the time would be right for either of us, we're both just very different people. Besides, Danielle has really helped me come out of a dark place and I'm crazy about her... I want to see where this leads.
Q: How do you pay for all this traveling? Caspian: Well with the publication of the book I was given a royalty of $30,000, I sold the book for $10,000 to the publishers and with the book sales I was able to overpass the royalty because I made over $200,000 in just book sales alone, then adding up all of my book signings, meet ups, interviews, and spreads I've built myself a net worth worth 5 million dollars. So I have all expenses covered for the rest of my life as far as I'm concerned.
Q: What about school? Caspian: what about school? Listen, I know some of you may think that dropping out is the absolute worst thing you can do, but I assure you guys that there are things much more harrowing than being a college dropout. I mean, if getting a degree is something that you feel will better you in the long run, by all means go right ahead. But just understand that some people just aren't meant for college, or rather can't afford it, and there's nothing wrong with that.
COLLEGE IS NOT A MEASUREMENT OF YOUR INTELLIGENCE.
COLLEGE IS WHERE YOU GO TO BROADEN YOUR KNOWLEDGE ON A CERTAIN FEILD OF WORK.
AT THE END OF THE DAY IT'S ALL ABOUT YOUR HAPPINESS.
Q: You and Piper??? Elaborate? Caspian: Well basically I went to California to attend to some business, and just decided to try and call her up. And turns out she had just adopted Augustine, and her and Elle were trying to plan a wedding, but didn't exactly have the funds, so before I left to go back to Paris I slipped them a donation to pay for a big chunk of their wedding, but those smart dumplings used it towards a down payment on a house. Piper is my second closest friend, and I'm really happy that she's back in my life, this time I hope it's for good.
Q: Keith you're married? Keith: Uh yeah. It was a girl from back home in Sweden, we've known each other since diapers, and suddenly she appears in New York and we just kinda hit it off. I know it sounds crazy, but after five months of dating I asked her to marry me. Her name is Noöra. And she has made me the happiest man alive.
••• Sorry if I didn't answer all the questions wattpad was being stupid :/
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