skatepark - joshler

twenty

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josh woke to the absence of a warm body next to him as the golden sunlight beat through the the white curtains. he sat up, rubbing his eyes and looked around, confused. tyler was right next to him when he fell asleep, curled against josh. where could he be now?

josh sighed. he was overthinking. tyler probably went to the bathroom or the kitchen or something like that. nothing to be worried about.

but, as josh walked down the short and narrow hallway, a whimpering sound could be heard through the thin walls. josh ran to the bathroom where tyler sat with his back to the door.

"no no no no no no no!" tyler yelled at himself, holding his head down in between his knees. "go away!"

"tyler!" josh said, stumbling into the bathroom. he kneeled in front of him, trying desperately to get a hold of him. "baby boy, talk to me what's going on?"

"make them go away! make him leave!" tyler screamed, trying desperately to grip his hair, but there was nothing to pull. he scratched against his bald head.

"what can i do to make them go away?" josh said back, scared. he wanted to reach out and touch tyler, but he knew he would flinch.

"just..." tyler struggled to say. he squeezed his eyes shut more. "just make noise! sing, scream, i don't know!" he yelled, trying to get a hold of himself but failing.

josh swallowed hard. "blackbird singin' in the dead of night," he sang. tyler opened his eyes as joshua closed his.

"take these broken wings and learn to fly,"

"all your life,"

"you were only waiting, for this moment, to arise..."

tyler touched josh's arm. his eyes flew open and he stopped singing.

"i-i'm sorry i'll stop i know im bad i'll stop-" josh stuttered.

"no, josh," tyler stopped him. "you're, really good." he said, wiping the tears that were still streaming down his face off of his cheeks. josh blushed.

"are you okay?" josh asked, reaching out and holding tyler's cheek. he sank into the touch.

"no, i never am. i'm so sorry, josh." he said, still crying.

"don't be tyler. this isn't your fault. we can get through this." josh reassured him. he moved closer, pulling tyler into his lap and into a hug.

tyler sobbed into josh's chest. "why me..." he asked, trailing off into desperate breaths.

"i don't know baby, i don't know," josh said, rubbing his shoulder. "you can beat this, tyler."

"what if i can't!" tyler cried out, gripping josh's shirt tightly in his closed fist, his knuckles bloody and beaten.

"then i'll be here every single moment of my life until you can." josh said, hugging tyler closer.

"ive lived my entire life like this, why is it getting worse?" tyler asked between sobs. "my therapist said it should be getting better, why is it just getting worse and worse?"

josh didn't know how to respond because he didn't know. he didn't know why it was getting worse and he didn't know why he couldn't do anything about it.

"i'm sorry..." tyler trailed off.

"baby, don't be," josh said, hugging him closer. "we'll get through this."

"i don't believe you."
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