skatepark - joshler

thirteen

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josh's room was dim, lit only by the small blue light coming from the side of his laptop.

he laid on his back, the cool sheets on his bed washing over him as he stared at the ceiling, thinking.

he didn't know about what though. he was constantly thinking about nothing, about empty space, about silence.

except when he was thinking about tyler, which was a lot of the time.

josh could tell something was off about him today while they were skating. tyler didn't explain for the seventh time why joshua was going to get cancer, which he usually did when joshua pulled out a cig. no wisecrack jokes, no halfway smiles when josh swore out of frustration.

josh jumped as his phone went off, his ringer digging into his eardrums. he scrambled to pick up his phone but hesitated when he realized tyler was the one calling.

he dragged his finger across the screen and answered the call.

"hello?"

"josh," tyler said, his voice obviously broken and shaking. "can, can i see you?"

"sure," josh whispered. "front doors open."

-

josh heard the stairs creak followed by a soft knock on his door. he leaned off his bed and swung the door open.

tyler walked in, dressed in a black hoodie and grey joggers with leather patches over the knees.

he was crying, tears streaming down his hot face.

"tyler..." josh said, taking his hand and leading him onto the bed. he sat next to josh, hunched over, releasing sobs in between heavy, strained breaths.

josh reached out to wrap an arm around him, but tyler flinched.

"i-i'm sorry," josh said, retracting his hand.
"i'm not going to hurt you." he said quieter.

"i can't do this anymore." tyler said, still crying hard.

"can i touch you?" josh asked, whispering. tyler nodded. "tell me what's on your mind."

tyler breathed in. "he is."

josh frowned. "who?"

"i don't know. when i used to go to a therapist she told me not to name him because it makes him more real." tyler said in between sobs. "i call him blurryface."

josh rubbed circles on the small of tyler's back, slowing his heavy sobs to a silent cry.

"what does he tell you?" josh asked, not quite sure how to respond.

"right now he's telling me to grab that pair of scissors off your desk and... do what i need to do."

josh's stomach dropped. he got off the bed and threw the scissors out his open window. it made tyler half-smile.

"today has been a particularly rough day with him," tyler explained, talking with his hands as josh sat back down next to his and held tyler around his waist. "i can never focus like this. he occupies everything until i can't take it anymore."

"i'm so sorry." was all that josh could say.

"don't be. i've been dealing with schizophrenic thoughts since i was ten."

"that doesn't make me less sorry."

they sat in silence for a while, josh rubbing tyler's back while the last of his tears eventually stopped.

"do you need to go home?" josh whispered.

"i don't want to." tyler whispered back.

"i don't want you to either."

tyler's tears started up again, his face in his hands.

"hey, tyler, come here," josh said, tyler moving so his legs were over josh's, his head resting on his collarbone. "i'm here, baby, it's okay."

tyler breathed heavy, trying to stop. his black hoodie was damp from his tears. he pulled away to take it off, revealing several tattoos all over his torso. he hugged himself to joshua, latching onto his side.

"do you want to lay down?" josh asked. tyler nodded against his chest.

they moved under the white, puffy covers. josh laid on his back and tyler on his side, resting his head on joshua's chest. they held each other under the covers, finding comfort in each other's warmth.

"i-i love you." tyler whispered.

"i love you too."
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