Tragedy {A Warrior Cats Fanfiction}

» Chapter Forty-One «

Kestrelfur wasn't sure how much time had past when she finally started dragging Waspstar's body back to camp. She had never felt more dulled, so empty inside. The sparks were gone, leaving only emptiness.

      She wasn't sure what she would do or say once she got back to camp. She was just going to see what happened.

      Somehow, she hadn't cried since exiting the tunnel. Somehow, she was fighting back the tears that were pressing her eyelids.

      She didn't feel relief nor fear as she approached the camp entrance. She just felt something widen inside her, leaving a hollow feeling.

      As soon as she entered the camp, cats rushed around her, asking her questions. She didn't hear them. She just felt a gnawing emptiness, as though she weren't really there.

      Sparrowclaw shoved his way to the front and got in Kestrelfur's face. "What happened?"

      Kestrelfur looked up at him, but didn't feel intimidated, despite being much smaller than him. "He died." Her voice had never sounded so weak before.

      "We can see that," said Sparrowclaw impatiently. "How did he die?"

      For a moment Kestrelfur was at a loss for words. "We en-encountered a group of MarshClan cats who were angry after the battle."

      Sparrowclaw's lip curled slightly but didn't ask anymore questions.

      "Well," began Duskleap, padding forward, "are you going to appoint a new deputy?"

      It took a moment before his words sunk in. "Appoint a..." she trailed off, realizing what he meant.

      "You're the leader now."

      The hollowness inside Kestrelfur seemed ready to collapse at those words. She started shaking, though she wasn't sure why. "No! I don't want to be leader."

      Duskleap remained quiet for a moment. "But it's clan tradition."

      Kestrelfur shook her head. Never before in her life had she been so against the thought of being clan leader. "No. No. I will not."

      Duskleap seemed at a loss for words.

      "Are you afraid of being clan leader?" challenged Sparrowclaw.

      Kestrelfur shook her head. It wasn't that. It was the guilt. She couldn't be leader after killing her mate. She didn't want to be leader anymore anyway. It would make life all the more miserable.

      "Perhaps in time you will be able to become leader," said Duskleap gently.

      "No," Kestrelfur repeated, not sure why they couldn't understand. "Duskleap, you can be leader if you want. I'm not going to be leader."

      Before anyone could object, she turned away and padded out of camp, leaving Waspstar's body behind.

--

Kestrelfur lost track of time as she sat in front of a puddle, waiting for the emptiness to go away. It didn't. Grief and guilt were the only emotions she felt.

      Her pelt felt too smooth and still. She hadn't realized how she had always been erupting with sparks before. Now they were gone. She had taken them for granted.

      She tried to think everything over—her whole life—but her head was foggy and she didn't get far before tearing up.

      Is there a point of living if everyone dies? She didn't shove these thoughts away as she used to do. She just let it hang there. Somehow, holding onto that thought seemed to keep her away from tears, though it made her uncomfortable.

      "Kestrelfur!" someone called out.

      Kestrelfur dug her claws into the earth, clenching her jaw and taking a shaky breath.

      "Are you okay?" asked the voice. It was Beechwhisker.

      "I'm fine," she snapped, getting to her paws and turning to her.

      Beechwhisker shifted uncomfortably. "Um... are you sure you don't want to be leader? Are you sure you're just going to give it away to Duskleap?"

      "Of coure I'm sure," said Kestrelfur. "Though I wouldn't expect Rainfoot's killer to understand." She had choked on her dead friend's name.

      "Waspstar made it seem like it was for the best," said Beechwhisker, regret in her voice. She looked away. "I've... I just wish I could go back and change what I did. I-I'm sorry."

      "Well, sorry doesn't bring him back from the dead."

      There were a few moments of uncomfortable silence bewteen them. Kestrelfur felt her anger slowly drain away, though it never completely faded.

      "So do you want me to tell Duskleap?" she asked.

      "Go right ahead," said Kestrelfur, her voice flat.

      Beechwhisker padded away slowly, as though waiting for Kestrelfur to change her mind. She's mouse-brained if she thinks I'll be leader.

      Kestrelfur waited there for a little while longer. She was reluctant to go back to camp. She didn't want to be surrounded by cats questioning her, asking more questions about Waspstar's death and why she turned down leadership.

      I'll just stay here a little longer, she thought. And she did. She stayed outside of camp, in the forest, all through the night.

A/N::

I feel really bad for Kestrelfur now :(

This book may go a little over forty-two chapters (if you forgot, earlier I said it would end sometime between thirty-something chapters to forty-two). There's not much left, though. And, yes, I have decided that there will be an epilogue from Waspstar's perspective.

//Edited