Chapter 38. Masked Feelings

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I stood in shock with my mouth agape as I stare at Kathleen, what's more is that her parents and husband was with her. I lowered my gaze to the bundle in Kathleen's arm, it was a . . . a baby, sound asleep. It must be her newborn.

Noticing that they were shaking because of the cold, I hurriedly opened the door and let them all in without a word. I saw them look at me with worried and nervous eyes. Figures, I did say it was bad news before . . .

"I-Is this a bad time?" Kathleen broke the silence while I lead them to living room, I flicked the lights on, I never bothered to use the lights when I'm alone.

"No," I shook my head and helped her mother with the bags they were carrying, "It's just unexpected but it's alright . . ." I mumbled.

They sat on the couch and chairs while I stood there, thinking what to do or say. I didn't mentally prepare myself about this . . .

"Where's Kevin?" Kathleen's mom, Karen, asked.

"Um . . ." I nervously fumbled with my fingers, "That's what I want to talk to you about."

"Is he cheating on you!?" Karen panicked.

"No!" I waved my hands at her, "He would never do that . . ." I mumbled. She nodded and calmed down.

"That boy better not." Kyle, Kathleen's dad, muttered under his breathe.

"Well, what happened? and where's Kevin?" Kathleen looked up at me.

I sighed and sat down on the lone chair, thinking about how I can even explain this. A family member just died, I don't know what to say . . .

"About Kevin . . ." I looked at each of them, "Do you know about . . . the killer? The killer who carves smiles on his victims' faces and such?" I hesitantly asked, they all nodded with serious gazes and waited for me to continue.

I feel so guilty for breaking the news to them. Kevin is a good man, he loves his family to death and he's always there for us. His family has always been nice to me, they make me smile a lot so telling them and watching their disappointed faces is just . . . sad.

"Kevin was . . . a victim." I gulped.

I saw how their curious faces warped into shock, "What are you saying!?" Kathleen was the first to speak.

"A couple of days ago, I . . ." My voice shook and tears threatened to fall but I can't lose it in front of them, "I woke up and saw him beside me, dead." I looked down as a single tear escaped my eye, "I'm sorry I couldn't save him . . ."

I didn't dare look up to see their reactions, there was a long pause before I heard footsteps fading away from me. I peeked up and saw Kathleen gone and her parents with the look as if they couldn't believe what they just heard. Karen gave me a look as if she was hoping that what I said was a joke. I shook my head at them, I wish this was just a big joke as well.

But it isn't.

Karen broke down crying, her graying hair covered her face as Kyle wrapped his arms around her, she leaned on his chest with her hands in a tight fist. It shattered my heart to see her that way, she was always smiling and upbeat which is the exact opposite of how she is now.

I fixated my eyes on Kathleen's husband, Wilfred. He was holding their baby with a look of surprise, he lwas at loss for words.

Without another word, I stood up and walked to the back door, I went outside and saw Kathleen on the end of the porch hugging her knees with her back on the wall, crying her eyes out in the cold. Not knowing what to do or say, I just sat beside her and hugged her.

I made them cry . . . I really love Kevin but I'm starting to wish I didn't marry him, then things probably wouldn't turn out this way and his family would be able to live a normal life . . . I ended up hurting them all because of Jeff. But how was I supposed to know he was alive? Well, I didn't know he was a killer either . . .

"I'm so sorry . . ." I held back the tears that were forming and hugged her tighter, "If only I was the one who got ki-"

"Don't say that." She cut me off, her voice raspy from all the crying, "Kevin . . . wouldn't be able to forgive himself if that happened." She rubbed her face on the sleeve of her jacket.

"The same goes for me . . ." I emotionlessly muttered, I didn't want to cry in front of her, that will just make her cry too.

"It's not your fault." Kathleen looked at me and said with a stern voice. "Don't you blame yourself . . ."

I nodded, not taking my eyes off of the ground. I'm not even thinking twice, I will never tell her about Jeff, I just can't risk losing her too. I won't tell anyone, I don't want anyone else to get hurt because of me.

I found a new strength within me as I looked at Kathleen, I want to protect them.

"Let's go back inside, okay?" I offered.

There was a long pause before she nodded and wiped her face, I stood up and helped her walk back inside, she's freezing. Figures, it's snowing again tonight.

"Um . . ." I hesitated whether it is the right time to talk, "I-I can sleep on the living room, you and your parents can take our room upstairs and the guest room down here . . ." I mumbled, she just gave me a nod as we walk through the long hall.

We reached the living room and saw the three, Kyle and Wilfred is comforting a crying Karen, it made me tear up. I just hate seeing the people I care about all depressed and sad, knowing it was because of me is worst.

Kathleen left my side and walked to her mother, "Mom . . ." She helped her up on from the couch, "Let's just sleep, please . . ." Kathleen's voice shook and her eyes watering as she said so. I can tell she doesn't know what to do, well, none of us do. She just lost her son, for God's sake.

Kathleen wrapped an arm around her shoulders as she helped her walk, Karen looked up and locked eyes with me.

Unexpectedly, she ran up and hugged me, my eyes went wide at the suddenness, "Oh, Marika . . ." She sobbed, "I know you're the one who's hurt the most . . . You even saw how he . . ." She mumbled and left her sentence hanging through clenched teeth, tears welled up in my eyes as I hugged her back just as tight. " . . .My son loved you dearly, and I'm glad to have a daughter like you. Thank you, for loving him, he'll always be in our hearts . . . It's the memories that counts."

I couldn't stop the tears that I held back for so long and bursted out crying at her words, "It's okay to cry . . ." Karen patted my head while hugging me, making me cry harder at the comfort I haven't experienced in a long time. The mask I wore to hide the loneliness and guilt I felt shattered. All this time, I thought the only person who cared about me was Kevin and I was devastated when he left. I never noticed that a lot of people were always there for me . . . I was the one who kept pushing them away because I feared that they will leave me someday, like my family.

I really want to be with them but I can't, I'm afraid that Jeff will hurt them. I'm on my own now, this is probably the last time I will ever feel this kind of comfort, I won't let anyone get close to me. Ever . . .

It's for their own good.



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SHORT UPDATE :(
I'm SORRY! I'm really busy with projects because the school year is about to end in a few months (I'm asian so our school style are probably different)

I have projects :| and I'm lazy.

I'm sorry for making you guys wait for days, forgive me. 
(╥╥)

Anyway, Even if it's short, its better than nothing because I barely have time to update. Not to mention the stress I'm going through because of school stuff.

Thank you all for reading and voting! My reads reached 12,000+ because of you guys :3

I'm very happy because of that ^^ Love ya! I promise to update whenever I can 
♪('ε )

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