"Two months of being alone and without Ross, is two months of me regretting my decisions, of me being absolutely outraged towards myself, of me missing being alone with Ross."
"To love and to be loved back."
Caspian screwed up big time with her aunt...
"Because it would've hurt a lot of people. I mean, look at all of you right now, you know the whole story and yet you're here still asking for more answers. This book has gotten me into more trouble than it hasn't." Another person raised their hand.
"So on the View, why did you have that reaction to seeing Ashton?"
I looked down, trying to envision that Ross was standing right beside me, holding my hand through this all.
"Because that wasn't Ashton." I said quietly. "That man, was actually my rapist." I said clearly, and the room went silent.
I could tell they all felt like dicks in this moment, because people don't really know how to tread on the topic of rape, hell I still don't know how to talk about it.
"Uh, I talked with authorities, and he's being put on trial for violating my restraining order." I said, to reassure this room people that most likely don't give a rats ass about me.
"Where did you disappear to afterwards?"
"Utah." I smiled slightly. "With "Ashton"." I put finger quotes around the name and people took not of that.
"Can we get a name?"
"Not a chance." I laughed, imagining Ross calling the guy an idiot.
"Is it true you dropped out of college."
The smile dropped from my face and I rolled my eyes. "Dropping out of college isn't the rarest thing a young adult has done." I shrugged . "College isn't for me, and I know I'm going to be okay."
"What about all of your young readers? What will they think of this?"
"Well, considering the content of the book, there really shouldn't be any young readers, but I know how hard it is to put a rating on words." I sighed. "To my younger readers, I know your smart, if college is something you want to do then go for it, at the end of the day it's all about what makes you happy."
"Were you not happy in school?"
"I'm good at school, it wasn't hard for me or anything, I found what I was learning to be interesting. But I found myself spending hours hunched over a book, or straining my eyes looking at a computer screen, staying up for almost 48 hours to study for a test or prepping for a debate, and my first year of college, I was living on nothing but ramen noodles and tap water." I shook my head in disbelief. "And then I realized that I was born from two avid explorers. And there I was, trapped inside trying to get a piece of paper, that in the natural world means absolutely nothing, I mean, if you believe in heaven and hell, if you believe there is a God, you must know now that you can't take your diploma to heaven." The room was silent, some were looking thoughtful, others had looked at me as if I had grown another head.
"I want to travel the world now, not when I'm forty or even Fifty. I want to be off the grid, and I don't want to be tied down, because if I'm only given one life, I'm not going to spend it trapped inside, forcing myself to memorize something I'm never going to use again." I stepped back from the podium to clear my throat. "And that's all the time I have, thank you for coming out today." Immediately everyone stood shouting at me and I was rushed out another door by security and they ordered me a car that thankfully drove me safely out of there.
And I was looking out at the busy streets of New York, moving in slow motion compared to my mind that was busy with hundreds of thoughts.
The more and more I looked, at this place I fought to be at, that I claimed as my haven. Suddenly I was ready to give it up, I was ready to give everything up.
When I got to my apartment, I couldn't help but notice how bare my walls were, how empty it felt. There's no signs or things that represent that this is my house, no essence of the person who lived here, and it hurt to think that it was because I wasn't really living at all.
I was merely just floating on the surface of life, never bothering to look down at the depth of the world, because I was caught up on trying to forget a past that I miss dearly.
Sighing I rushed to my closet, pulling out a container I haven't bothered to look at in years. Opening it up I was met with notes and trinkets of sorts. I moved all the papers aside and random seashells before my fingers met with the warm brown leather of my mothers first travel journal.
Her penmanship was light and elegant, not a flaw in sight, I thumbed through most of the pages until I had finally found the map I had spent hours looking at as a child.
Her first travel journal was based around her time spent in South Asia. Closing my eyes I pointed my finger on a random spot on the page, opening my eyes to see that it had landed on Pakistan.
And that's where my journey began.
••••••••
So I'm going to guesstimate that there are merely four chapters left of the story
Things are going to be coming to an end soon, and I just would like to say thanks in advance for being with me and this story for almost four years. The concept of time, and the small choices we make, impact our life greatly, and I believe that signing up for a silly little account on wattpad, and posting a crummy fanfic has changed my life so much.
Writing with wattpad has done nothing but open up doors for me, and I hope to keep growing, as a writer, and as a person.
Couple more chapters to go, :) hold on tight
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