I am the girl in Christian's secret life.

Part : 17 slashing out

It's been a long week , I still haven't really regained any feeling in my legs, and I still think I might be caught in a dream. Yet this was somehow now my reality, at least  there was some feeling when my leg gets pinched, the doctor said it's a good sign yet I still feel pretty hapless, somehow broken. Emily has been here every day after school, bringing me home work or just sitting here talking about everything and nothing.    My mum was in and out she got a job  at some cloths boutique and apparently all is well at my aunt's house and the bills hopefully will be covered half by the insurance. But only one thing that really bugged me was my dad he was here every afternoon, just before visiting hours are over, he would just stand in the hall way or mumble something to the doctors. He didn't  talk to me and I would present not to see him at all.  It was getting harder and harder to stay positive with every passing day, sure everyone keeps saying it will get better, but it's not! I feel helpless, weak and it wasn't fair. 

Emily~

 So many things were spinning around me, it was like the world was upside down, and now so many questions that assisted.  one of the hardest questions is that of Christian's scholarship – he hasn't said a word about it and no one tried to ask. my mum also didn't try to stop me or keep me from going to the hospital, we have officially moved in with Toby, and it was so awkward, but luckily I spend little time as possible at the house now. Everything so different now, and  it's hard not going to my old house now, it still like home  where I grew up with Christian  right next to me. now he's here in this cold hospital. "Hey" I said  walking into the room holding two smooth cups, I could see the soft rain against his closed window, Christian looked up to me, he gave a half smile.

"Hey"  Christian said as I sat down on the bed next to him " a little birdy told me that your busing our here soon."  I commented before planting a kiss on his cheek, he nodded.

"I suppose so"  that didn't sound to good,  no one ever told me how to deal with this kind of stuff.

"My casts coming off soon, you should me out by time for graduation." I added, the air felt think and dense I wasn't use to this.

"Yea, me and my wheel chair right." He said  in a sarcastic tone that made my hart sink. "The guys form school wants to come visit you, but apparently you tolled the nurse you didn't want to see them?" I asked trying to be gentle, but I have the feeling I am a sudden as a hand grenade.

"Because this is my life, my privet life" he snapped "I don't want them part of it, doesn't anyone get it! it was so much easier when everything stayed separate."   I  stepped back, dam it I knew he was not in the best place, and I shouldn't take anything to personally but..

"you mean us to" I said softly, a statement not a question.

"Maybe" Christian said and looked out the window looking at the rain against the glass "I need time to think" he said his tone harsher now "Please just leave me alone" Christian added, my heartfelt like it was starting to shatter – I always been in his life, in the background, his secret life and just as we made it throw  the world shatters, could it be my fault ? If we never went public this would have never have happened.

"okay, sure... let me know when... if you want to talk" I said softly setting the books down on the side table and turned around refusing to look over my shoulder and left.

~~Christian~~

I wasn't sure what just happened between me and Emily but she hasn't been back, it was again also time for visitors to leave and my dad's figure. "What do you want" I finely asked him, I ran out of patients today, he looked at me for a minute in silence and  looked down at the floor.

"I.." he stumbled " I just want to see how you are" he said  "I am in AA now, alcoholics  club thing. " he said the shame in his tone.

"Not really  a secret as the whole town just about knows you're a drunk" I said annoyed, but he didn't even flinch.

"I am trying, one day I'll show you, I'll earn your trust." he said  when he looked up I could swear I saw  tears in his eyes, but no , he can't make me feel story for him.

"Earn it"  Was all I said and turned  away from him , if my legs would work I could have walked out- been a much better suited exit .

Emily still hasn't come by its nearly been two days now, and I am in rather curling  physical therapy, it felt like my bones where breaking all over again, the doctor smiled at me gently as she moved my legs for me. "Okay try to press now" she said in a gentle tone, but it wasn't much use "Does it hurt ?" she asked and I nodded.

"That's good"  her tone firm her brown eyes focused on my legs as she moved them  and turned them

"How is that good" I snapped " Well it means that  your life is turning  to them, your spin was badly injured but seems to be recovering." I missed Emily, I told her I wished she stayed my secret witch was selfish of me but I couldn't help it, she pushed me , she always pushing always there, always with me and yes she always care.

"Can you make a phone call for me." I asked  making the doctor pause "sure, you want your mum here with you? " she asked and I shook my head.

"No my girlfriend"