Rose, Ebony & Snow || Farkle Minkus

17

I couldn't sleep. How was I supposed to sleep after a day like that?

Without a second thought, I found myself calling Riley.

"Hey Neveah," she said softly. I could tell that I woke her up.

"Sorry, did I wake you?"

"Don't worry about it. What's up?" I could hear the concern in her voice.

"You made me promise to tell you when something was wrong, right?" I said, referring to the night when I opened up to Farkle and Riley as we drank hot chocolate.

"When I told you I was your friend, I meant it. Want me to meet you somewhere?" she asked.

I looked at my wall clock, seeing it was past midnight. I didn't want Riley out too late. "No, it's alright. We can talk over the phone."

"What do you wanna talk about?" her voice was calm and steady. I probably sounded the opposite.

Ever since Farkle and I fought earlier, I've been comparing us to Riley and Maya. Farkle and I were toxic.

I cleared my throat, "I've been thinking about the way you spoke about Maya. You spoke about her so beautifully. She's the only person that really matters to you, right?"

Riley didn't respond at first then let out a sigh, "Yeah. She's really important to me."

"How do you get a relationship like that? How do you know that you love her? Because right now, my mind is a mess. And the one person I wanna see right now hates me. And I'm not too sure how I feel about him right now either," I confessed.

"Try figuring out how you feel about him," she suggested. "Look for patterns, consistency..."

I thought about the feeling I got when Farkle and I talked on the street.

"Whenever something good happens between us, we end up feeling like crap later on. Guilt. We always feel guilty. But when nothing is happening between us... the days we go without speaking... I don't know. It's like there's a crushing weight on my chest. I find myself crying, wishing we could be better. And I'm not sure which feeling is worse," I said.

"Looks like the only way you can fix the crushing weight is being with him. And the guilt on the other hand, you're going to have to fix that with Farkle. Talk to each other. Openly, honestly, and respectfully. Actually talk to each other. You can't just wish things were better, you have to at least try to make them better," Riley stated.

"I never said it was Farkle—"

"Neveah, of course it's Farkle. I don't even have to explain myself. There's not a doubt in my mind," she told me.

I felt heavy as I thought about our relationship, "Riley... Do you think we're bad for each other? Nothing has gone right ever since we first kissed."

Riley sighed, "Farkle may be smart but his timing sucks. You two were just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"We always seem to be in the wrong place at the wrong time," I sighed.

"Then be at the right place at the right time. You have to try. There's no way I'll believe that you guys are bad for each other. Especially since I've never witnessed two people emotionally attached to each other for so long. Besides—"

"You and Maya. Got it. Thanks Riley."

"Good luck, darling," she said, hanging up.

The right place at the the right time.

It was past midnight on a Thursday morning. Farkle's parents were still out of town.

"I go on midnight walks sometimes when my parents are on business trips."

What are the chances that he's at the park again?

I left the apartment, thinking about what I was going to say. It shouldn't be so complicated, but it's always complicated with him.

Cautiously, I crossed the street towards the park. There weren't many streetlights on this side of the road so I couldn't see much.

Barely visible, on the far side of the park, a tall dark figure paced along the edgy of the pond before finally sitting down.

I made my way towards them. When the figure was finally clear, it was Farkle, just as I expected.

He sat with his legs crossed, whipping gravel at the pond, not even trying to skip any stones or rocks.

I sat down beside him. He didn't have to look to know it was me.

"I thought I warned you about being out this late. You know, predators and stuff," he sighed, brushing the dirt off his hands.

"Good thing we're together then," I said, hoping to get a positive reaction. He just blankly stared ahead.

"It's not gonna work, you know. There's always something wrong when we're around each other," he said, keeping his eyes on the moon's reflection in the water.

"What do you think about Riley and Maya?" I blurted out. Not the smoothest way to start off.

He took awhile to reply, "What do you mean?"

"Riley and Maya. You've been equally in love with them since the first grade, right?" I said.

"I mean, maybe first and second grade. But then I met you. And it's no secret that Riley and Maya have feelings for one another," Farkle mumbled, taking a handful of gravel and trickling it into the pond.

"You think that they're good together?" I asked.

"Of course, anyone can see that. Their chemistry is insane, the way they look at each other is beautiful, and the way they speak to each other is novel-bound," he chuckled. "They truly are in love."

"So what makes us different from them?" I asked him. I already knew the answer but I'd rather listen to what he thinks.

"Well, they work together," he said. "They keep trying to do better, for each other and with each other."

"They make mistakes," I nodded. "But they come back to each other and fix things together."

"Yeah," he agreed. "Sure, they love everything about each other, but they proved that they're in love by acting on that. They have this dynamic that proves their love to each other and to those around them."

"They try," I cleared my throat. "That's the difference between them and us."

Farkle lowered his head, "I'm sorry for what I said before. I can't blame you for my actions."

"And I can't blame you for mine," I told him. "We can't just sit around pointing fingers, feeling sorry for ourselves."

He sighed and continued, "You were right, you know. About how it takes so much more to fall in love. As much as I love everything about you, I know we're not in love, Neveah. And that's okay."

I gently took his gravel indented hand and laced our fingers together. "Let's change that then."

"And how do you suppose we do that?" he shifted in my direction.

"We act on that feeling. We try. We try to do better for each other, do better with each other. We prove to ourselves and to everyone else that we're worth it," I told him.

With his free hand, he tilted my chin forward and kissed me. The guilt was finally lifted off my shoulders.