Start Again

Chapter Thirty-Six

Avoiding my direct question, she began to talk. "When you came to see me at the hospital, I knew I had a lot of thinking to do. At first, I was sure we were over. But your words made me hesitate. I spent a lot of time thinking about us, weighing up the pros and cons. No matter how I looked at it, everything seemed to point towards this relationship being doomed. I couldn't find a way to remove the overpowering cons. I began to think that, as Hye Ri said, you and I are puzzle pieces that just do not fit together. Hye Ri's grandmother tried talking to me. She tried to convince me that we could get through this and that this is only the beginning. But I didn't see it that way. I saw it as the best opportunity to and an inevitably doomed relationship before we both get hurt more. What's the point of making more memories if everything will come to an end anyway?"

The drinks and food arrived. Suddenly, I didn't feel like eating. I looked at my hands, unsure what to say anymore. I planned to give a massive speech and list all the reasons we should stay together, but I felt my attempts would not be pointless. She had made up her mind. She was going to walk out of my life.

"But then..."

My head snapped up. She wasn't looking at me anymore. She was moving her sandwich around on her plate.

"But then, when we got back, Do Yun was waiting for me. We went for a walk, and the next thing I knew he was confessing his feelings to me."

Was she leaving me for Suk Do Yun? Did she realise she has always had feelings for him?

"It wasn't until he had pressed his lips to mine that I realised the extremity of my actions. Here was a man, fully devoted to me, in front of me, vowing he would treat me well, yet all I could do was compare his confession to yours. When he pressed his mouth to mine, I thought of your kiss. When it was you and I, I did not think of Adam at all. So then I began to think. So I let you go. I date someone else whenever I finally move on and can think of them not you. Then we hit another communication hurdle. And what? I run away again? So I crossed that one off my cons list. The next was that your mother doesn't like me. I don't know how to fix that one, but what do I care? Adam's mother never liked me and I didn't let it stop me. Was it because I wasn't used to people here disliking me whilst it was common in Hoju? So I crossed that one off too. I can't cross off the fact that one day, I have to leave. I don't know how to fix that. But in terms of that decision, that's something we will have to decide together. I cannot let my own fear stop what could be. What if we could figure something out? Have I just let the best thing go? Who else is going to run to the airport or hospital for me?"

My heart was nearly pounding out of my chest. This conversation took such a turn that I was speechless.

"I went to your house last night and let myself in. When I climbed into bed, you pulled me close and mumbled my name. Two weeks have passed since we were still together, nearly two months since we saw each other regularly, yet still, you are dreaming of me. Your subconscious self searches for me in your sleep. Adam mumbled in his sleep and pulled me close. But I never heard my name. Often it was other girls. If I put up with a man like him for so long, am I really that ridiculous I'd give up on you for something so small?"

I felt a tear spill out of my eye. She leaned across the table and wiped it away.

"I'm so sorry for doing this to us. It was a silly fight that we should have discussed. Communication is something that can be mended over time. However, I caused you a lot of pain. And even though I want to give this another try, and not give up this time, I did hurt you. If you don't want to continue this relationship, I'd understand."

Suddenly, I realised it was my turn to talk. "Don't be ridiculous. Every night I've dreamed I'd hear the words that you would take me back. It was my fault Audrey, but I promise I will do better. Just please don't give up on me if I mess up. I'm new to this. But I don't want to lose you."

She smiled at me and took a bite of her sandwich.

"So you really were in my room last night?"

She nodded.

"But you were gone when I woke up."

"I had an early class and had to get my textbooks beforehand. I let it go a bit too long."

"I see." Now that I looked at her, the clothing on her body was the exact same that I saw her in when she was in my bed this morning. "Thank you."

"What for?"

"Not giving up on me. On us."

"Don't thank me. I shouldn't have even tried when you showed remorse for what you did."

I heaved a sigh of relief. "Can you come over tonight? I'll take off work early."

"Don't do that. You need the money. It's okay. I won't go anywhere."

I shook my head. "No. I've missed you so much that I have to do this."

"Aren't you busy?"

"Not really..."

"Joon Soo." Her eyebrows furrowed.

"A little. But that's okay. I'll work extra hard tomorrow."

"Fine," she sighed.

I grinned. "I'll cook."

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Sorry it's so short. I got caught in a writer's slump for a few of these chapters. However, hopefully it starts picking up again where I'm currently writing. 

Hope you enjoyed it nonetheless!