Flawed Perfection

Flawed Perfection Ch. 18

 Luke smiled weakly down at me, seeming just as unsure about what it was as me. “It’s ok, they’re just gonna help you.” He murmured and stood up, gently laying me back down on the bed.

 I scrambled under the covers, my eyes never leaving that machine. “I don’t need whatever that is to get better.” I said quietly but clearly.

 The doctor smiled weakly at me. “Would you be willing to eat a full meal of however many calories three times a day?”

 I wrinkled my nose and gave him a disgusted look. “It’s just…all the food.” Just thinking about it all made me feel sick. Luke gave me a sad pained look.

 The doctor sighed. “I’m sorry, it’s just easier if we do it this way.” He said and the nurse wheeled the machine to the side of my bed and started hooking me up to it.

 I gave him a confused look and tried to squirm away from the nurse. “What are you doing to me?!” I asked, freaking out a little.

 The Doc smiled sadly at me. “We’re just going to have this little machine feed you.” He said. “It’s just easier than if we try to force you to eat three full meals a day and get the right calories.” His eyes scanned across his clipboard. “And there’s less of a chance you might try to throw it up.”

 I looked warily at the nurse as she fixed it all up then back at the doctor. Either option sounded horrible and grotesque. They were going to make me gain weight!

 “It’s going to help Charlotte.” Luke said giving me one of his sweet smiles.

 I nodded slightly, though I didn’t want any kind of help. What was wrong with the how I am now? It’s not like I had any kind of eating disorder at all. I’d finally reached my weight goal!

 The nurse smiled slightly next to me. “Sweetheart, do you want to keep passing out all the time from not having the right nutrients?” she asked.

 I shrugged. “No, not really. But that was just a one time thing, I really shouldn’t be here.”

 She shook her head, giving me a bit of a disappointed smile. “It’s ok,” she said gently, “we’ll help you understand it all.”

 I liked her a lot more than the doctor. He seemed so cold and factual while this nurse was friendly. She had on bright red lipstick and had platinum blonde hair. Her nametag read Kelly.

 “Ok.” I said, watching her and the doctor leave. I smiled slightly as Kelly shut the door, giving me a small smile through the tiny window.

 I looked at the force-feeding machine I was hooked up to. Making a face at it I noticed Luke staring at me.

 “What?” I asked him, trying not to let my mind wander to how to shut off this thing. 

He shrugged slightly. “They’re going to help you get better.” Luke said with a small sigh. “I just feel bad none of us noticed how bad it really was,” he murmured.

 I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “Luke, cut with the drama. All I wanted was to be pretty and thin.” I told him leaning back onto the pillow. My eyes were locked onto the machine. “Ms. Corey said that I had to anyways.”

 Luke sighed and rubbed a hand over his tired eyes. “Char, there’s a difference between being thin and being skinny.” He said, almost sounding like he’d rehearsed this.

 “Being thin is like being slender and at a healthy weight range.” Yeah, this was definitely rehearsed. “And being skinny is like underweight and not attractive.”

 I gritted my teeth a little. “Alright, so now you’re saying I’m skinny and unattractive?”

 Luke’s eyes widened. “NO! Not at all!” He said quickly trying to cover up his mistake. “All I’m saying is skinny isn’t as nice as being slender and thin. If you’re skinny you’re practically a skeleton.”

 I scowled at Luke, not believing him for one second. “Whatever.” I brushed it off and crossed my arms.

Luke sighed and shook his head. “Charlotte just listen to me.” He said from his spot in the chair. “I’m saying that you are beautiful and you are thin. You’re just too thin. You’re like a walking skeleton. Soon they’ll be using you as instead of a model skeleton in science.”

 I sighed and rubbed my eyes. The machine stuttered to life and I was afraid of being force-fed.

 “Yeah, I guess.” I muttered just to agree with him. “I need to gain weight.” I mumbled.

 Luke nodded, believing me. That or he just didn’t want to deal with this at the moment.

 I lied down on the bed, resting my head on the pillow and staring at him. “Will you stay here with me?” I asked quietly, feeling a bit like a child, but I just wanted to hear from him that he’d stick with me.

 He looked a little startled when I asked that question. “Of course!” he said immediately. “Why wouldn’t I?”

I shrugged slightly glancing around the room. “Because I’ve just ruined my life.” I muttered though I was secretly happy he said he’d stay.

 Luke frowned deeply and crossed his arms. “Charlotte, you didn’t ruin your life. Maybe you’ve just changed it dramatically and something good will come out of this…We just don’t know what it is yet.”

 I thought over his words. There didn’t seem to be anything good out of this. I was being forced to eat. I couldn’t dance. I had to be hospitalized. I was going to miss out on so much of my life just because I was caught.

 “Nothing good is going to come out of this.” I told him miserably.

 He sighed. “I know it seems like that way now….” He trailed off, as though he wasn’t sure how to finish his sentence.

 I closed my eyes and cringed slightly. The feeling of my stomach filling up with food from the machine was disgusting. All I could think about was how many calories it was and how much weight I’d gain.

 “It seems like that way now but?” I asked him.

 I opened one eye to look at him. Luke had a hand over his mouth and chin as he stared at the ground, thinking hard.

 “I’m not sure, Char.” He said. “I just don’t know. All I know is you’ll be safe and sound if I have anything to say about it.”

 I smiled weakly. Safe and sound… I liked the sound of that. 

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