The death of Griffin (BoyxBoy) (COMPLETE)

Chapter 1

First chapter Yay!!!!

“Hey Tyler.” I said sitting down at the dinning room table. He smiled.

“Hey Griff. How was school?” He sat a large bowl of soup in the middle of the table and sat down across from me. He frowned at my white outfit.

“Good.” I lied and started laddeling soup into my bowl.

“You think I’m going to fall for that? I’m your brother. How was it really?” Damn he knows me too well. And he has tried his hardest to get to know everything about me since my suicide attempt 4 years ago.

“Well it was better than normal.” I lied again.

“Fine don’t tell me. But if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.” He brought his spoon to his lips. “For canned soup this is pretty good.” His blonde hair fell into his face as he stared hard at his soup.

We finished eating in silence. I didn’t know what to talk about and neither did he. I never know what to say about anything since my almost death in May four years ago, or my parents death a year ago.  

I got up and carried my dishes to the sink. I heard a sigh come from behind me.

“You need to let me help you Griff. You’re never going to feel better if you don’t let someone help you. Please let me help.” I turned to my brother and saw the pain, anguish, and sorrow in his blue eyes. “Please.”

I turned away from him feeling nothing. I left the dinning room and made my way up the stairs to my room. The white walls of my room showed just how I felt. Nothing. The icy coldness of no feeling. Everything was white. I didn’t have any inspiration, and I didn’t even want to be alive. What was the point of useless color and decorations when they meant absolutely nothing?

I felt empty. No anger, sadness, happiness, regret, loss, joy, excitement, fear, or depression. I was a shell, an empty space that could be filled better with someone else. I didn’t care what my death would mean to anyone before and I still don’t. Even in death I know I will never find happiness. What’s the point of existing in you don’t even like yourself?

“Griffin! Mary is coming over tonight please try not to act depressed!” Ty yelled through my bedroom door. Mary was his Girlfriend and they were both very much in love.

“I’m not depressed.” I called back to him as I settled down on my bed to relax. I have never been in love. I’ve never even been attracted to anyone. No model, no actor, no person has ever caught my attention.

“Oh and she’s bringing her brother. Please be civil.” I didn’t answer. I just stared at my ceiling trying to decide how I should act. After awhile I turned on my side and looked into the floor length mirror on my closet door. My black roots were showing. I needed to bleach my hair white again soon. Well if Tyler lets me.

I let my mind wonder. I have never met Mary’s brother nor did I ever really want to. I knew he was 15 just like me, but that’s about it. I wonder if he’s as happy as Mary. Or if he’s depressed. Maybe he will be like me? Nah I am the only person who feels like this. I’m not depressed even though people think I am. I cut myself because the only thing I can feel is pain. If I’m going to live I need to be able to feel something even if it’s one of the worst feelings possible. I used to think I was an alien or monster. The pain reminds me that I’m human. But only slightly.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know my brother is knocking on my door and yelling.

“They’re here! I hope you’re decent!” He called through the door. I heard him open the door and let them in. Slowly I climbed out of bed and made my way to the door. I opened it and walked into the hallway. I slowly walked down the hall. I yawned deeply as I made my way to the living room.

“Griffin! How are you?” Mary asked jumping up from the couch and hugging me.

“Um good?” I said awkwardly.

“Well that’s good! Make any new friends lately?” She asked eyes hopeful. She knew about the suicide attempt and she always asked me this. But the answer was always the same.

“No. I prefer to be alone.” She finally pulled away and that’s when I noticed the boy standing by our arm chair. He had brown hair and brown eyes just like his sister. He stood with his arms crossed so I could see his muscle. Show off.

“Well we need to change that! Why don’t you and Evan take the couch and get to know eachother?” Mary Grabbed my arm and dragged me towards the couch and pushed me down. The boy, Evan raised an eyebrow at his sister as she went up to him and grabbed his arm. I saw him whisper something to her and her smile faltered a bit. But it was back in a flash and she finished pulling him to the couch.

He smiled at me and I saw a small dimple in his left cheek. “Hey! My name is Evan. But I guess you got that from my sister.” His voice was low as he spoke.

“I’m Griffin.” I said quietly.

“Why don’t you guys talk about yourselves? Try to get to know one another?” Tyler said entering and wrapping an arm around Mary’s waist.

“We will just step out and leave you to… mingle.” Mary had a sly grin on her face and I saw her wink at her brother. I raised an eyebrow.

“Well have fun! But not too much.” Mary said giggling as her and Tyler left the room.

“So can you explain that to me?” I asked Evan.

“My sister is always trying to set me up with people. Sorry.” He replied shaking his head.

“Set you up? With who?”

“You. I’m gay, so she is constantly trying to set me up with people. It’s so annoying!” He rolled his eyes.

“Your gay?” I looked at him expressionless.

His smile fell. “Your not a Homophobe are you?”

“Nah. They don’t bother me. It was just weird seeing as Mary is a big Christian. I thought homosexuality is a sin or something?”

This made him laugh. “You should visit our church sometime. You would understand better. What about you? Are you straight?” He asked his eyes hopeful.

“I don’t know. I’ve never been attracted to anyone. Male or Female.” I shrugged.

His mouth fell open. “Are you serious? Never?”

“Yep. Never.” He sat in awe for awhile.

“Oh well what school do you go to?”

“Um Davidson."

“Really? Me too! I’ve never seen you around.”

“Good. I try not to be noticed.”

“Why? Don’t you have friends?” He asked placing his arm on my shoulder his face laced with confusion.

“Didn’t you hear me before? I prefer to be alone.” I wanted to move his hand but I didn’t want to seem rude.

“Oh.” Luckily he moved his hand. We kept talking for about another hour and a half. It was the most I had talked to anyone since my suicide attempt. I actually tolerated Evan. He was kind and seemed pretty passionate about things. Especially his church and his sexuality. Apparently his church was very understanding.

Eventually Mary and Tyler returned.

“Are you ready to go?” Mary asked Evan.

“Yep. See ya around Griffin.” He smiled and I saw his dimple again. It really did make him look cute. Wait. Did I really just think that? I mentally shook myself. I must just be thinking to hard about the whole gay or straight thing.

“Bye!” Tyler kissed Mary and then they were gone.

“Soooo what did you think of Evan?”

“He was ok. I’m going to bed.” I turned and walked to my room. Once inside I laid down and let sleep take me

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