Hunting Royalty

38. Fears and Firsts

He closes his eyes and rubs the bridge of his nose with his other hand, "So you never slept with him," his words are more for himself than me, like a vocal realization. He opens his eyes to look at me, I see something different in his eyes, sadness, regret, I can't quite put my finger on it.

"That wasn't what I wanted to talk to you about," I say changing the subject.

"Kayden's outburst?" he guesses shifting to sit upright, "Or should I say my brother outburst."

"Yes, that," I close my eyes; I'd managed to push back the panic but it's sitting just below the surface.

"What's wrong?" He asks rubbing his hand along my arm.

"I'm scared," I confess. His grip tightens around my wrist and he pulls me into a hug.

"Tell me," He commands gently.

"Nate, I have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow. When everyone goes home, news of the fight will ricochet across the kingdom destroying everything," I take a deep breath, "He did it on purpose. He staged that fight with me so he could make the announcement about him and Marie, so it would be believable," I whisper, I analyse his face trying to determine how he is taking this news.

"Why would he do that?" he asks with a touch of disbelief.

"Because Marie told him too," I look down at my hands, "She's been ordering us around our whole lives. That night at Harley's, when we first met, she told us to be there. To help you. I use to think she was a good person, trying to protect people,"  It's the only reason I obeyed her notes I believed they helped people.    

"You don't think so anymore?"  he's begun absentmindedly drawing small circles on the back of my hand with his thumb.

"I don't know!" I say exasperated, "She never says what she means, she just eludes to things. I have no idea what they have planned but I have a feeling it's not good." I take another deep breath. "When I talked to Marie she mentioned ending things and putting the true king back on the throne." He sucks in an unsteady breath at my last statement and runs his hand through his hair. "I don't know what that means since Kayden would be another Winchester so maybe putting him on the throne is not her endgame, just a way to destabilize things."

"You think she would use her own son like that?"

I nod, "She already has." A tear drops down my face. "I'm scared for you Nate and your whole family." I take an unsteady breath as he wipes my tear away. "I'm scared that one day I'll have to choose between you and Kayden and I can't."

"It won't come to that; everything will work out," he tries to comfort me.

"No it won't. She's trying to depose you and she's using Kayden to do it," I say getting worked up again.

"Then choose him, he's your brother. They are your family; you love them. I will be ok," he tries to soothe me.

"I can't because Kayden was right; I lied to you and I lied to myself. I lied when I said I didn't mean it, I lied when I said it was just in the moment. I'm in love with you."

The words are barely out of my mouth before his lips cover mine. I'm too stunned to respond, I thought he would be mad at me for everything I've confessed. He tangles a hand in my hair and uses the other to pull me down on top of him. I pull back, "Nate, I'm not finished talking."

"No more talking," he whispers against my skin as he kisses down my neck. I close my eyes as he finds one of my favorite spots.

"Nate," I try again but my voice sounds breathy rather than commanding. He rolls me beneath him and presses me into the bed with his body. His hands explore my body, their heat setting me on fire through my thin nightgown. I feel something warm and hard press into my thigh. "Nate are you naked?"