Things We Lost

Things We Hide

Nathaniel:

I couldn't block out the sound from all the bleeding and fighting. Children were screaming, I couldn't bear it!

I hated fighting. I thought I was brave when I lead my fellow outcasts through battle, I thought I was brilliant as I led them through the grounds and commanded the way to victory.

I was brave, from a distance, when I could stand back and watch and all I had to use was my voice.

Now I was on the front line and I couldn't move. Tears were streaming down my face. I couldn't do this anymore! I wanted my brother. I wanted Azun to hold me and comfort me. I was not strong. I was a child, a foolish, not yet matured, and weak child.

What would remain of me when all I did was hide? Would anyone back home remember me, would anyone still care?

All I had were memories to keep myself stable. War was breaking out, all my people were being captured, back home my father was recruiting more of his children for the army.

No matter where I would be, I'd be a dead man either way.

I would never be the hero all the people adored. If I hid to save my own life, what had my life been for? A Zodiac was supposed to lead and protect, live or die always succeed.

"Nathaniel!" Alvin yelled for me as a guard dragged him away.

My life ahead might be a bumpy road with twist and turns, but I wouldn't swerve to their demands. I would be the anti-hero that was never talked about in any tale. I had literally nothing to lose, I could only go forward in my life and continue hiding.

I didn't move. I couldn't move. I would never be the same again. This was worse than the war.

I needed help.

The future was in my hands and I would never be the same again. I had made every decision up till this point. I had decided to not fight back and I let them drag me to war, I let my father draw around me, banish me, I let myself become leader, I let Alvin be my friend, I let all those people die and live; I let all this happen.

Now I let myself stay down, and let myself be a coward.

They could all twist my words and my thoughts, let everyone in the universe know me as a coward. I didn't care if anyone cares about me.

No one would ever hear my side of this story, the things I lost echoed across my mind, and I sank down further than I already was.

These things, these friends I had gained while being here on Earth, were shattered into ashes and I would never, ever make things right again.

I needed to let myself stand, let myself fight.

Instead, I let my eyes close and let my mind escape into a deep sleep.

Let all truths about what happened here tonight be twisted up and rewritten to their side of the story.

Let Luke twist up my life and make everything my fault, I didnt't care anymore.

I was going to be the one twisted up after this, so broken - that it would take a surgical operation to piece me back together.

It was my turn to be the bad guy of the story.