i wasn't there. last night my head was pounding my bones were shaking my stomach was hurting my eyes were tired my soul was spazzing my heart was beating
i needed water
and love --
no not love i had had enough
of that.
this morning i mumbled and went back to sleep missed the bus on purpose because he said we'd go later well later came and so did the day because now it's over and my grades are the only thing on my mind anymore
why didn't i awake? earlier, i mean. my mind is still spinning but i'll be okay as long as i get that perfect A.
haha that's a lie the biggest lie there is a B is the thing i'm holding onto anymore and i feel like i'm dying on the floor
don't speak like that
i'm sorry but it's true. my feet my face
my walls are blue.
what does it matter what color my wall is? it's the only thing i've awoken to.
maybe that's why i didn't awake earlier today. i played it off like i still hurt like i need sleep -- and that's true. these past few weeks have been hell of trying to keep my eyes open.
in class, in song, in smog, in the car
my eyes just can't. stay shut. i want to go back to bed. back to no finals, no tests. back to no missing class and overwhelming stress. back to no reality no depression back to my happy expression >>
no matter how fake it is.
time to drown in questions of absurdity and dreams that will never get out of my head. time to feel alive
instead of tired and
dead.
