i haven't talked to you in a long time. i can't, really. since you've blocked me, i can't exactly get a hold of you. not that i really should. not that i really wanted to. our friendship would go to shit anyway.
so because of all that, here i am. writing, because it's the only thing i know how to do. especially when i'm somehow thinking of you. but i'm really not.
it's just, some things have happened recently, and they're the type of things i'd vent to you late at night until i fell asleep.
i don't have you to do that to anymore. and i don't want anyone else to vent to. so this will have to do.
my brother is moving away. january, he said. so we have a few months. he's going to the east coast. got a job there, he said. which is great and we're glad. but it's the kind that's coated with this deep sad feeling inside. i've just finished my first good cry about it.
the thing that really gets to me, is that he was the one who never really went away. he stayed, he stayed, he stayed. he's three minutes away! and now, he'll be hours. i was never good with change.
but he has to do what he has to do, and this is that one thing. and i'm proud of him for it. happy, too. i'm trying to.
he went to college but i didn't really remember much of it. i remember the day he left the house-- i sat on the top of the stairs and cried as they waved goodbye and went out the door.
i remember going to see him some times up in the city. it was fun, and rainy, and grungy but that's about it.
i just never truly pictured him leaving. probably because he said he wasn't going to. it's really funny when people make promises about staying. because you know deep inside, that that's one promise nobody can keep. but you try, oh how hard you try, to believe it. believe them.
you never can,
though.
