Adopted by Magcon

34

After four days I got released from the hospital. They wanted to keep me for a few days because they wanted to make sure there wasn't any damage done by the pills and they weren't sure if I'd try to do it again. But I am finally home now, currently laying in bed, covered in blankets.

Cameron had been planning things for my recovery the past few days such as a dietitian to help me get rid of my eating disorder, a psychologist to help me recover from my depression and daily body checks to make sure I don't harm myself. I don't feel quite comfortable with the body checks because I don't want Cameron to see my scars and other imperfections. It makes me feel like I'm letting him down in so many ways.

The dietitian had already visited yesterday and she planned everything out. From now on I have to eat breakfast, lunch AND dinner, every day. I need to start with small things, like yogurt for breakfast and soup for dinner, but it's still three meals a day which is a lot for me.
My diet is starting today and I have my first meeting with my psychologist upcoming friday, which is in 4 days.

A knock on my door shakes me out of my thoughts and I get up to open it. When I open the door I see Cameron standing in front of me.
"Noah are you coming down for breakfast?" He asks and I immediately look up, fear probably covering my face.
"Yeah sure, I'll be down in a few." I respond and close the door.

I wonder what he got me for breakfast, it better be something small. I want nothing more than to recover but we can't force things, we just need to take small steps and then eventually it will get better.

With doubts taking over my mind I walk down the stairs and into the kitchen. Cameron is already waiting when I walk in. I sit down at the dinner table, right next to Cam, and look at what is standing in front of me. It's a small bowl with different kinds of fruits in it and of course next to the bowl was my medication. The doctor gave me antidepressants to help me recover and vitamin pills for my eating problem. I have to take it every morning, but the antidepressants can aggravate my depressed feelings in de first four weeks. That is why I can not be alone at any time for the next four weeks.

I take my medication even though I hate pills and start to eat the fruit. It's not that bad, not yet, but I know I will have to finish most of it anyway.
After finishing three-quarter of the bowl I am completely full. With a guilty feeling I push away the bowl and look up to Cameron.
"I'm sorry I really tried to eat all but I really can't Cameron."

"I know, Noah. It's fine you ate more than enough for now. We can't force or rush anything, it's a slow process. I am proud of you. Come here." He says while opening his arms.
I walk towards him and hug him tightly, feeling comfortable and loved. He kisses the top of my head and smiles at me.
"I'm glad you adopted me Cameron, I love you."

With a full feeling from my breakfast I walk back up to my room to get ready. When I walk into my room I cant help but look into my mirror. I know I am going to be disgusted by myself but I take off my pajamas and stare at my body. This is the best I could be because from now on I won't be losing weight anymore and I won't get skinnier than this. I let myself down, I really did. But maybe that is just for now, maybe I will learn to stop hating myself one day.

I step into my bathroom and brush my teeth but when I look into the mirror of the cupboard I can't help but stare at the toilet behind me. Am I really considering throwing up? But I don't want them to find out, obviously. They would be enormously disappointed in me.
I look away from the mirror and open the cupboard so I wont have to look at it anymore. While spitting out the toothpaste the thought crosses my mind again, but I push it away and walk out of the bathroom.

I grab a pair of black skinny jeans, a grey tank top and a green with black flannel. After I get dressed I put on some mascara and I let my hair just hang over my shoulders. With no satisfaction I walk downstairs only to find everybody there.