Her Secret Life. (Book Two)

Chapter 35

Your love is confusing me.

"Jane!... Jane!... Would you please just talk to me?"

It's been a week since my horrible 'coming out' and I hadn't spoken to any of my family or friends. All I did was go to work and then lock myself in my room. I ignored all calls from the girl I risked it all for and kept away from my cousin and her girlfriend. Somehow, she was home on a Saturday and was now willing to make amends.

"You can't keep ignoring me forever, you know."

I rolled my eyes and head to the kitchen to grab some breakfast and was relieved when she reluctantly headed back to her room. My phone rang again and I wanted to throw it against the wall as Darcy's name popped up. I let it go to voicemail before my phone once again alerted me that this was her tenth time calling for the morning.

There was a knock at the door and I waited for Carrie to get it since no one would be coming to visit me but after four knocks I rolled my eyes before heading over. Pulling it open, my heart literally skipped a beat as I saw none other than the girl I was desperately trying to ignore.

"You're not welcomed here." I said before I tried to slam the door shut, but her foot halted my action.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with me? Seriously?!"

It would have been easier to let Carrie answer the door since that's what she'd done all the times before and Darcy couldn't argue with her when she said to leave. Instead, I was left to deal with her and Darcy rolled her eyes before marching right pass me.

"Yes! One minute you're with me at the club and the next? You're not even there. I tried calling your phone for the longest time but you keep ignoring me."

"Well if you weren't so blinded by sex you would have known I wasn't comfortable with that or that I'd left."

"So I'm to blame for not being able to read your mind? Jane! If you don't like something, you talk to me about it. I hate this freaking mind read thing."

"Yeah, like I had a chance of talking to you while you had some girl sitting on your face."

"It's called an orgy, Jane."

"I DONT WANT TO BE APART OF ANY ORGY!" I screamed angrily. "I didn't get into this relationship, or break up with my boyfriend to share you."

"J-"

"I hate watching you be with other people. I hate that club. I hate that anyone can 'claim' you like some damn prize and you have to be someone's 'slave' if you don't want to be touched by anyone else... I hate BDSM."

"Jane-"

"Why can't we be together like normal people? Have sex like normal people instead of having to obey you or get punished or not being able to touch you whenever I want too. You wanted me to be this person; a lesbian, yet all I've ever felt, is miserable."

"What the hell?!"

I spun around shocked to see my cousin standing at her doorway and from the look on her face, she'd heard everything... And she was royally pissed.

"Tell me I heard wrong."

"Carrie-"

"Jane! Tell me you're lying."

"I-"

"First you have sex with my cousin, now you're dragging her into some twisted sex life!"

"Carr-"

"What is wrong with you?! Are you some sadistic freak who enjoys bringing pain to other people? Did your mom mess you up that much you just had to punish other people to be satisfied?"

"Carrie stop." I cut in but she was deaf to my pleas.

"Do you hate the fact that you can't make your mom pay for what she did to you that much that you have to hurt girls? That you have to control them and take your anger out on them-"

"I've never hurt Jane-"

"And whose to say you wouldn't? What if she does something or says something that makes you think of your mother? What if she tries to leave? Or you guys get into an argument?-"

"I wouldn't hurt her."

"You're right because you are never to see her again."

"You can't tell me who I can and cannot see! You're not my mother!" I shouted, just to be heard.

"Yeah! And look how swell a job she did! She let her husband beat and torture her only living child and then she allowed you to be involved with someone who does the same thing to her daughter!"

"Carol Paige!"

We all jumped at the loud sound coming from the side door and turned to see my mom and both of Carrie's parents standing before us. From everyone's expression it was clear that they had heard enough and I wanted the world to swallow me whole as I recognized the disgust on my aunt's face, the disappointing disapproval on my uncle's and the hurt on my mom's.

"I'm so sorry Aunt Justine, I didn't know you were here." Carrie says as she tries to save her own ass.

"I'm happy that you're this concerned for my daughter but you have no idea what's going on in our life."

"I know-"

"I did not let my ex husband abuse her-"

"I know, I didn't mean it that way."

"And you. Jane."

"Mom-"

"You said you were with that boy. How long have you been lying to me?"

"It's not like that."

My eyes were starting to blur with my tears as I witnessed the people I loved slowly slipping away from me. I didn't want to go through what Carrie went through every day since she came out. I didn't want to be an outcast or secretly ridiculed by these people. I didn't want my mom to hate me or stop talking to me because I chose to love a girl. I didn't even know if I loved her or if we were even together. I didn't want this day to come and I certainly didn't want it to happen like this.

I watched everyone stare at me expectantly and when my eyes fluttered to Darcy's I could see regret written all over her features. I saw how she was silently hating herself for dragging me into this lifestyle. I saw how she regretted ever making love to me and I saw how she would have done anything to turn back the hands of time.

My heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces as my world crumbled before me and it pained my very soul to know the life that I knew, was over.

Not wanting to hurt any more than I already was, I shook my head both mentally and physically before running past everyone. I didn't think. I just did. I still hadn't gotten my car back, so instead, I jumped into the first taxi I saw, which by some miracle, was about to pull off from my neighbors' house and told him to drive.

He was staring at me like I'd lost my damn mind, but obeyed. I didn't even look back to see if they'd chased me out and I pulled my knees to my chest in hopes that the pounding I felt and the loud sobs would decrease.

I could feel the driver's eyes on me but I ignored him as I cried my heart out on his backseat.