Her Secret Life. (Book Two)

Chapter 32

Have you ever wanted the world to open up and swallow you?

Carrie looked as though she was ready to explode and I quickly pushed Darcy off me as I scrambled for the sheet.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Carrie screams just as Darcy pulls my bathrobe on that was hanging on my desk chair.

"Carr-" Darce starts but was quickly interrupted.

"NO! You don't get to talk! How could you Darce?! She's my cousin, you know how my family is and yet you fucking do this?!"

My heart was racing as I saw Carrie trying to hold back her anger and even if Darcy wanted to be the dominant in this situation, there was no way that would be possible.

"Carr just listen-"

"No Darce, how could you?"

"I like her-"

"And that gives you the right to take advantage of her?"

"She didn't take advantage of me Carrie... I wanted this."

"Shut up. You're not allowed to be apart this conversation, not after you told me that this lifestyle was disgusting."

"Don't speak to her that way."

"Guys stop fighting." I interrupted.

It was commendable that Darcy wanted to defend me but I knew how overprotective my cousin could be and I really didn't want this to get any worst that it was.

"You have no idea what it's like to be apart of this family Darce-"

"I don't? Have you met my mother?"

"So why drag her into this? You promised that you wouldn't act on your feelings for her."

"Like you couldn't act on yours? I actually want this to work Carr."

"She has a boyfriend."

"Who isn't here! Who hasn't been apart of her life. I'm here, I'm willing to be with her and fight for this and I know she wants me too."

"Jane! Say something." Carr says as she looks at me.

"Yeah Jane, say something."

The room goes stark quiet as Ryder walks in and once again my heart slows. I haven't seen or heard from him since God knows when but I couldn't stop the rush of guilt that flooded my system. I might not have seen him but we were still together and for him to overhear this conversation...

"Ryder."

"I'm busy with work and everyday I feel terrible because I can't spend the same amount of time with the girl I love. Yet here I am, overhearing how she'd much rather be with another girl."

"Ryder it's not like that."

"The worst thing you can do is lie to me right now."

His voice was so calm but I could see how he was slowly losing the fight of his emotions. I see Carrie roll her eyes at Darcy before leaving and I felt like hyperventilating at being left alone with the two people my heart couldn't decide to choose.

"Darcy can I have the room?"

She looks from Ryder to me and my eyes silently plead with her before she nods and walks out.

"Do you love her?" Ryder asks, his voice slowly breaking.

"Ryder-"

"Just answer me."

"You weren't here-"

"And that gave you the right to cheat on me? To break my heart this badly? If you wanted out the least you could have done was told me. I'm not some crazy psychopath who don't know how to let go."

I saw the first few tears slip down his face and I literally felt my heart break.

"I felt so horrible that I couldn't call or talk to you because I had so much shit happening in my life, yet all this time you were falling out of love with me and more in love with her. Was our entire relationship a lie?"

"No-"

"Then why would you hurt me like this?"

"I..."

"I refuse to compete with someone else for your love. You want out so badly... You got it."

The tears rolled down my face and blurred my vision and before I could wrap my head around what just happened Ryder has already left my room. I grab my clothing and roughly pulled them on before running towards the front door to stop him but his car was already speeding down the driveway and I fell to my knees as my sobs took over.

I was the worst human being ever and not only did I lose my first but my cousin hated me and the girl I was slowly getting obsessed with would never be with me when I belonged to someone else.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and thought it was Darcy or even Carrie but when I saw the face of my father I shot up.

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you and saw that you were crying. Did that boy hurt you?"

"Leave!"

"Look, I get that I hurt you and your mom but she's trying to forgive me... Why can't you?"

"This is so not the time for me to deal with this right now. Please leave."

I walked away from him as I wiped my tears but the rough hand on my arm that yanked me back halted my steps. My head literally snapped back harshly and I felt an instant pang of pain at the contact.

"I'm done trying to be a good father and make amends with you. I'm not your friend or some stupid little boyfriend; I'm your father and the disrespect stops now!"

"You're hurting me." I whimper.

"Good! Maybe now you'll stop being such a bitch like your mother and listen!"

"Get your hands off of her or I'm calling the cops."

We both turned to see my cousin standing at the doorway with a phone in her hand and my eyes shed happy tears to see her coming to my rescue.

"Ha. If it isn't the family's disappointing lesbian. Tell me Jane, did she turn you gay too?"

His grip tightened on my arm and I felt as though he would soon break it.

"I'm warning you, release her or else!"

The man that unfortunately lent his seed pushed me towards the gravel and my mouth tasted like blood as my head connected with the tiny bricks on the ground.

"You both are disappointing cunts."

My body was trembling uncontrollably and I flinched when Carrie pulled me into her embrace.

"It's okay." She murmured as she rubbed my back. "I got you."

I cried into her chest as I willed my body to stop shaking but the more I tried the more severe it got.

"Should I call Aunt Justine?"

I shake my head and cleared my throat before speaking.

"I'll call her."

My voice was barely a whisper but she heard me and we slowly made our way into the house. Carrie accompanied me to my room and I locked the door behind me before heading into the bathroom. My upper left arm was paining, I was having a slight headache and my body was still shaking.

Ensuring that I had nothing of importance on me, I entered my bathroom and turned on the shower before standing underneath. I hadn't bothered to change and I closed my eyes as my body was completely soaked by the hot spray.

When I felt calm enough to go back to my room, I stripped off my clothes and wrapped my towel around me. I called my mom's phone but it went to voicemail and I knew she was probably stuck at work.

I called Ryder next but it came as no surprise when it went to voicemail. Lying on my bed, my mind went back to a dark time in my childhood and I shot up before bringing my knees to my chest.

"He's not here." I chanted. "He can't hurt me. He's not here. He can't hurt me."

When my heart still refused to believe it, I grabbed my phone and headed out.