Something I Can't Have (Seme Male Reader x Kakashi) {Naruto Shippuden}

AP: Kiba (Pt 2)

"why dont you understand the word no, shino? i keep saying it and keep saying it but it always go in one ear and out the other. im not here cause im settling, shino. im not just being with john cause he pays attention to me either. i LOVE him, shino. sorta like how i had loved you before except he actually treats me right. ill admit i had feelings for you and wanted to know if it would work if i did leave john but now, after talking with you again, i know that it wont. you will spend the next few months convinced that im not healthy and insist i loose weight and im pretty fucking confident that you arent strong enough to fuck me no more so again, and for the last time, NO," he went to close the door again but i didnt let him. "two weeks, kiba. what does your two weeks with this guy have on the THREE YEARS we spent together? im sure if we practice enough at the new apartment then i can get it up enough to take care of you until you lose the weight. you dont know what you are talking about, kiba. you are confused. i saw it in your eyes just a few hours ago when you cried for me. lets just go," i motioned out....only to be met with a door in my face.

"whats going on? i gotta get back to the frat house to hinata so is ya coming or not?" naruto jogged up to stand next to me. i sighed. "kiba is acting like this thing he has with john is gonna last long. all i can do is give him some time to work things out. he will come back to me soon enough," i followed naruto to the car.

reader pov

i was enjoying some tv when kiba finally walked back inside my room. he didnt have shino with him so i guess that is a good sign. he dropped his undies and climbed back in bed with me. he laid down next to me and pulled me back on top of him, moving back into the positon we were in before. "did you do it?" i asked. "ill admit i was thinking about how things would have turned out if i had listened and he didnt have to leave. would be have been married by now? would we have eventually broke up? things like that but now.....after talking to him again, i know that you are definitely the better choice. i mean...who else could handle all of....this," he muttered, motioning to himself. his legs were wrapped around my waist and i was gently massaging his big round ass. "babe, dont think like that. you are huge and i LOVE it. as long as you are healthy and happy about your body, ill be just fine. besides...you being this big makes sure that i have to be on my game babe. keeps me healthy too. i wont be able to slack off in the gym or not eat right cause ill get weak and wont be able to satisfy you and that would injure my pride," i said. "well....about that. the....jiggle does bother me a little. it makes me feel fat," he muttered, his legs quivering around me. he was back hard against me from me groping him. "i fucking love your jiggle, babe. it shows that you are relaxed around me. i dont want you to be tense all the time. your jiggle is a huge turn on, from your bouncing tit..." i kissed on his chest, sucking on his nipples a little bit," ....to your amazing ass...." i played with it in my hands, squeezing and massaging it, driving my senses wild,"....every part of your body makes me want to cum buckets inside of you so you should be proud of your jiggle cause it makes me wanna pound you till you cant walk, and then keep going," i grinned as his dark red blush. "but its ok if you dont believe me, babe. i have no problem showing you how much i love your jiggle," i said, my grin growing impossibly wider. he whimpered.

meanwhile....

suigetsu pov

i think the effect of what i just did really hit me right as i walked out of his apartment building. it was when i was walking out the front door towards my car that it really hit me. i could have stopped him. i really could have. its not the end of the world because he dont love you no more. it was something else. his face was twisted in an ice cold glare that still sends a shiver up my spine just thinking about it. the tears were flowing out his eyes as he sat across from me on the sofa in the living room of his penthouse. it was those few words that really got me. 'i want everything you have' he said. normally i carry about 40 lbs of coke but i had a few appointments before him so i only had about ten left. my bag was empty since i couldn't really say no to him. he handed me four stacks of money, paying for it flat out. 'so im not gonna see you for a few months, huh?' i was happy honestly. i didnt like having the same clients for that long. he was a client for over four years and i thought he had just gotten over the stuff but i guess not. he took all the bags and walked into the room, closing the door behind himself. i heard the click of it locking. at that moment, i was fine. i honestly thought nothing of it. i mean....i kill people all the time. shooting em, throwing them in the street, drowning em, you name it; i did it.

this....i don't know why this is the one that chose to affect me. this is the one time that my conscience is eating at me. asking me why i just handed him the bags. ive seen the emotional turn to the stuff but they never get that much. even juugo never got more than a few pounds and that was to last him a whole week. when he took it all in his room and locked the door, something told me he was gonna do and i cant help but feel a little bit bad about it. i kill people cause i had to. snitches and betrayers were the most common on my hit list but juugo....he was always a good guy. always had the money right then and there and exchanged with no problem. drops with him never lasted more than an hour and that's cause he would be emotional about something or another. this one took just minutes. i sighed. im just over thinking this. get it together, suigetsu. i got in my car. i took a deep breath. he brought it on himself. he chose to do it. i didnt make him. im good. i pulled off.

later on that night.....

reader pov

i doubt i could ever not be turned on by him. he just feels soooooo good. just cuddling with him makes me feel fuzzy inside. i couldn't help but squeeze him a little tighter. he had fallen asleep a while ago in my embrace after some epic fucking but for some reason....i just couldn't sleep right now. part of it was from the high of sex with my boyfriend but the other part......it was like some deep churning in my gut, telling me that something was wrong. very wrong. nothing about our relationship though. it was something else. i dont know. i just hope it subsides soon enough. i want to fully enjoy my newfound love for my boyfriend. he deserves my full attention.

juugo pov

shit. no matter how much i took, no matter how much i used, the feeling just wouldn't go away. his cold eyes, the tone of his voice that told me he had had it. shit, when he so adamantly said he dont love me and that doesnt want to see me ever again hurt so fucking bad. normally the coke makes it go away but it didnt. i had gone through four pounds and i dont feel any better. how could i do that to him? my stupid selfish ass trying to keep his options open ended up royally fucking up the best thing that has ever happened to me. if only i would have told him. shit, if i would have just divorced her long ago, none of this would have happened and he wouldn't hate me right now. shit. i love him. this i know. you dont feel this way for a passing fling. i was really confident that we would have a long ass life together. fuck!! i ruined it and now i feel like utter shit and no matter how much i use, i dont feel no better. shit. i cant live with out him.

i was sobbing shamelessly loudly, snot and tears dripping on the table as i used pound after pound, hoping to find that happiness that the white powder once brought me but im too tolerant of the stuff. it was when i finished the last bag that i was starting to feel it. the airiness. i felt all the shame and hatred of myself being blown way. i felt lighter and safe. tsk....this must have been just a dream. my body felt so warm. my stomach felt tight, no doubt full to the brim with butterflies. my heart was beating sooooooooo fast! i felt like running. i got up off the bed, tossing the towel on it and ran around the room. i knocked a few things over but who cares? i have more than enough money. i just want to enjoy this feeling!! i felt so good. i could run cross country right now. i kept running and jumping, giving zero fucks about who heard me until i was tired. i sighed. felt like a sugar rush. i dug through my drawers but i couldn't find any more of the sugar. shit......wait!! i went under the bed, finding three more pounds of sugar. i wanted to cry in happiness. i took more and more, desperately trying to stay on the high but i ran out too fast. i was growing tired. i laid on the bed, feeling the heavy pull of sleep calling for me. i sighed. as my body slowly started to go numb from sleep, i couldn't help but smile as the tears flowed. shit. i....love....you...john.....

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shit. i really do have a thing for kiba.

Ronald