The Experiment 2: The Journey

Long Way Down

RJ sighed, trying to clear his head, and stared at Dei's phone with his jaw clenched. "Have you been taking it since the wedding?" he asked quietly.

"I never really stopped," she admitted, her voice small. They were standing across each other with just the kitchen counter keeping them apart but she felt like a wide distance had suddenly grown between them.

"Is there any reason why you never told me about this?" he asked. He won't look at her. He kept his eyes fixed on her phone, swiping the screen up and down while trying to understand everything.

"I was planning to, but I was trying to find a better timing. You were so excited lately and I didn't want to ruin it. I didn't want to hurt you," Dei replied, trying to keep her voice even.

RJ stopped what he was doing on the phone and finally looked at her. "Do you want to know what I feel right now, Dei? I feel betrayed," he told her. "The past few days you've seen how excited I was about having a baby. We even talked about it during Gavin's party and you were laughing with me and all. Not once did you tell me that you weren't feeling the same way.

For more than two months I thought we were both trying. I was beginning to wonder why you weren't getting pregnant, I mean, we did it every chance we got. I almost thought that either of us had... problems," he said through gritted teeth. "And now I find out that you're actually taking this behind my back. You're even trying to hide it hoping I won't find out."

"RJ, I'm sorry," she said desperately, distressed at how angry RJ was getting. "We never really discussed this after we got married. I know it's partly my fault because I didn't give us a chance to actually talk about having a baby. But I don't think I'm ready, babe. I mean, I'm just starting with a new job in a new company and --"

"And I would've understood, Dei, if you only told me what you really felt," he said, shaking his head. "I don't know what's happening Dei. You used to be really honest about what you feel. You were blunt and straightforward and I loved those about you. But now I feel like I have to dig so deep to know what's actually going on inside your head. And now you're starting to hide things from me. Are there any other things that I should know about?"

"RJ, please. It's just this. I was just too scared to tell you about it because I didn't know how you would react," she said desperately.

"What kind of person do you think I am, Dei?" he asked, his tone of voice already betraying the emotions he felt. He was mad, hurt and frustrated. "Did you really think I wouldn't understand? Did you think I would force you into doing something you didn't want? How many times have I proven to you that I prioritize your happiness more than mine?"

"I'm sorry..." she cried.

"Dei, I can handle the disappointment of not having a baby right away. It would've been okay if we discussed early on what you felt about having a baby. But this," he said holding up her phone, "the betrayal? I can't handle this right now. And you have to understand that."

"RJ..." she said imploringly and reached out for his hand.

RJ took a deep breath. "I'm gonna drive around. No need to wait for me," he said as he pushed the laptop lid down. He grabbed the car key from the holder and went to the door but paused when his hand reached the knob. He turned to look at her and sighed. "Don't forget to take your pills. I don't want you getting pregnant to an unwanted baby."

"RJ!" she called but he already slammed the door behind him.

++++++