babygirl » hayesgrier

«thirty-eight»

•kylie•

its been almost two months since i lost haylie and it's been very miserable for me, i haven't left the house at all, left my room, ive barely ate anything or drank anything, i haven't even taken a bath in weeks just because im so miserable, i know it's gross but how can i take a bath when i feel i will just break down and slip or something and break my leg.

ive honestly never been this upset in my life, not even when i thought my dad died. this is so much worser, this tears me apart, it hurts me to know haylie will never be here, i won't get to teach her how to talk, walk, or any of the stuff a parent is suppose to do.

im heartbroken, and i won't be happy or okay for a long time.

hayes was upset too and he didn't leave the house for a month, we were doing this together. but he said he can't just stay here his whole life being upset over haylie, because she wouldn't want that for us, she would want us to move on and be happy.

i know that.

it's just really hard for me. i can't just move on like that. it's not that simple or easy.

my phone then beeped saying i had a snapchat. i was logged onto my private snapchat that the fans didn't know about, the only people who had this one was my family, close friends, all my friends actually, and ya know internet friends like i have a few fans that are my bestfriends.

i had a snapchat from ariel, one i didn't really wanna talk to. but i felt as if i needed her a lot right now, i know ive known skylar longer so it should be her, but ariel never abandoned me and was there for me when skylar wasn't my friend at the time and when she was, but i just can't forgive her.

i was debating on wether i should open the snapchat or not, after a few minutes of thinking i decided to just open it hoping i wouldn't regret it...

it was a black screen with the caption as.

"oh my god, i know im late on this, i just found out literally a few seconds ago but i know you hate me so much for what i did, im really sorry about haylie! if you wanna talk text me please💗"

i was happy i opened it, i can't ever fully forgive or forget about what she did but i could try to maybe.

i just sent her a text on snapchat saying:

"i don't hate you, i never did i could never hate anybody that's just not me! thank you so much for sending that telling me sorry about haylie, it really means a lot to me, it shows that you actually care about me! i know you're sorry, i know you are you can stop telling me. i just don't know if i could ever fully forgive you for what you did or even fully trust you again, but maybe i will try and be friends with you again, just give me maybe a few days  to think okay! thank you again."

it was long but it explained it all.

she responded within a few seconds. she replied saying:

"i hope you give me another chance to be your bestfriend again, i really miss you kylie, hope to see you soon and take as much time as you need i know you're going through a hard time!"

***

i have been sitting in my bed watching Netflix movies and shows all day, i got up maybe a few times. there was a knock on the front door.

i groaned and stood up slowly not wanting to get up, maybe i should just pretend im not here, i then heard the doorbell ring three times in a row. i got up with the blanket wrapped around me, my phone in my back pocket and walked down to the door.