faded

49.0 - close

As I hurriedly pack away the documents and letter, I continue emptying the drawer. A million thoughts go through my head and still I can't understand any of this. It just makes no sense to me at all, though I'm sure it's obvious to Cara and John, who were apparently contacted by him before this whole ordeal. I just don't know what to say or do.

I never thought Zayn leaving would hit me so hard. The last time was totally different, I still knew he was safe. I could go to him anytime. But this... it was a different sensation. I felt as if the floor had collapsed under my feet and suddenly I was free-falling. It was so empty. I couldn't just call him, I couldn't just run into his arms and expect that security. Everything had been taken from me. The only sense of love and consistency I had ever known was gone.

And I had no one.

"What happens on October 30th?"

They both look at me united in confusion.

"Where's your bags?" John gets up from the dining room chair.

Both of them look at me worriedly. His clothes is too big on me.

"Cara?"

She runs a hand through her hair. "Go get her things in the room, I'll explain."

He does as told and disappears down the hallway, leaving Cara and I to talk. I wrap my arms around myself, the smell of his cologne making me feel he's close to me.

"You fell in with Harry, didn't you? And Amy?"

I nod.

"I found out when it was almost too late. You could've asked anyone why your father never worked closely with Harry. He's not trustworthy, I know Zayn isn't either, but this goes beyond that... I've known Amy for a long time, Anastasia, a very long time," Cara bites her lip and looks as if she's dreading this conversation, "The reason I'm telling you they are not trustworthy is not because I owe some sort of loyalty to Zayn. He is my stepbrother, I respect him, but any issues he has with people are his business. Amy and Harry... Those issues directly involved me.

Amy used to live with Zayn before they moved to California, then New York. Well, she followed him to both places... anyway, Amy never really sat right with me, too friendly too quick. She started telling people about Zayn's... profession. Bottom line is, Zayn and I fell out of touch when I found out she was recording our conversations. Gossiping. Talking to her best friend Harry about things he had no business knowing about."

It occurs to me that she's telling the truth when I notice the pattern. Amy had hated me before when I was with Zayn and then the moment I wasn't, she decided to be my best friend. Same with Harry. He was so weird around me with Zayn and then suddenly he really likes me... 

"I'm pretty sure they are or were a thing. They spend entirely too much time together, if you know what I mean. Harry always said that he was the boss, that he was the reason we lived so well, because he had done Zayn a favor. Not true. My father has money and Zayn has helped his sister and mother with several straight businesses they own. Nothing we have is because of anyone. Harry would talk about how you were the main income, I personally have proof of that. They took you to Berlin for selfish reasons, you know that by now, don't you?"

I'm frozen, speechless. Cara takes my hand in hers. "I don't tell you this so you can hate them or whatever. But draw your own conclusions. Zayn is my brother and he's trusted you with me for a reason, I'm not gonna hurt ya."

John comes back into view with the bags, looking annoyed. "There's blood all over the tub. Who's is it?"

"I think it's mine."

Cara frowns. "Let me see."

I roll up the sweatshirt sleeve to my elbow and reveal the name that is still in the scarring process. She looks at it and then back up at me, adjusting my sleeve back over my hand. She doesn't say anything and John doesn't either, but they both have this evident look of pity on their faces. 

"We've gotta go, Kristen is waiting. She's so excited to meet you."

She quickly changes the subject and adjusts her leather jacket along with a pair of black sunglasses. She combs my hair back from my eyes with her hand and puts an arm around me, leading me to the front door. She knows. As tears begin to form in my eyes, I want nothing more than to disappear.

"Who's Kristen?" I manage to ask.

Cara smiles down at me knowingly, sadly. "My fiance."

"That sounds nice, do you think Zayn will call me when we're in London?"

"Let's hope so."