faded

4.0 - truth

"Start by telling me what happened."

Liam managed to get me out of the house for lunch the next day. At first I was unsure of it being a good idea, but having company was definitely a good change. I felt a little better having someone who wasn't on the payroll to talk to. Besides, I knew I could trust Liam to be a good friend to me, despite his ties with Zayn. At first the idea of him telling Z everything I said seemed possible, but would it matter if he did?

I couldn't even think about Zayn at this point. I was so confused. It felt like without him, I didn't have a life. It just dawned on me how dependent I was and how my entire world revolved around him. Other times, I felt so disconnected from it all. Like there is this big, blank slate that extends across my chest.

I clear my dry throat, "It just was too much. Zayn was mad at me all the time. Then my dad. Harry. I don't know why I started to feel like I was a waste."

Liam takes a sip of his drink. "I really, really miss him. I love him, but I don't know how to act. I wish it was easy to be with him. I find myself not caring how dangerous he is, or how bad, because I'm bad, too. I just don't want to be confused anymore, I don't know."

He smiles sadly, nodding in approval. "Listen, it's hard for anyone to go through so much with someone like Zayn and have that realization. Just because it feels like you're lost doesn't mean it's right, trust that I've learned the hard way."

"Sometimes I wanna go back, more than anything. What should I do?"

He looks at me for a moment, his low gaze going from my eyes to my hands, that pick at a napkin. "If you feel there is unresolved issues, you need to confront them. I don't know if you two will work out, even if you got back together, even you wouldn't know. What I do know is that you and Zayn need each other," I nod, agreeing, "because if you don't act on your emotions, you know you'll regret it. I don't think you'll make the wrong one if you go with your instincts."

As I take a sip of my drink, I realize he's right. Hiding from my issues was getting me absolutely nowhere, and as much as I wish I could avoid it, I had to talk to Zayn eventually. It was stressful to think about how that would go, but I owed it to myself. I just didn't wanna be weak and break down once I saw him again, especially because I knew that I'd never wanna leave his side if I saw him.

"I wanna ask you something, but I really need the truth. Ignore everything else you know and your own self judgement."

I frowned, confused about what he could wanna ask me with so much seriousness.

"Do you want to be with Zayn?"

I didn't have to think of it to answer. "Yeah. I do."

"Then why didn't you stay?"

That voice. The same voice I had heard in my ear so many times, that comforted me, broke me, and the one I loved. It was his voice.

I turned to look at him, my stomach dropping. I could feel my forehead getting hot and the room stuffy, like we were in a sauna. My mind was completely and utterly blank, all I could focus on was how he looked. Was this real? My mouth was dry.

I had no words.

"Why didn't you stay?" he asks again.

A/N -

Short update but OMG thanks for 25k on Angel
I'm so emo about it 😭😭😭😭
It means so much to me that people read it lol I honestly don't even know how it's gotten so many reads. I'm kinda surprised but super thankful to everyone for the support
I know I don't update this one too much but I will :)
Also have a new one called Night Bird if you want a dark Harry story
I love youuuu so much xo ❤