faded

39.0 - half of the truth

I've been trapped in the house for three days. I know its been three because from the tiny window, I've counted three sunsets. I've only seen Zayn a handful of times, but he never says much because I pretend to be asleep. There isn't much I can do or say, either. Baths were especially difficult since I had a hard time moving around on my own.

I sat with my knees to my chest watching a lifetime movie since I didn't have the energy to do much else. I heard footsteps approaching and immediately tensed.

"You're up," he says deadpan, looking flustered and out of breath, leaning against the door frame.

"Yes."

Zayn looks at me for a long time. "You're so thin. And your hair is the wrong color."

I frown. "My legs are purple and I need stitches on my forehead. Anything else we're missing?"

My words register and my first instinct is to cower away, but I hear him chuckle. My stomach drops.

"There's that attitude. I'm not going to beat you, by the way, no point."

I don't think too much, my head is aching. "Okay."

He sits on the chair off by the window. "I'm sleeping with you tonight."

My stomach is in knots, as if my nerves were tangled around my ribcage.

"Why?" I ask in a quiet tone.

"Because I want to, because I can."

He sounds so sure of himself. The weakness I had seen him display had disappeared completely. I decided last night to just behave, I could be good. I had to be. If I did or said something wrong, that would be the end. Despite my situation and the slim chances of me ever going home again, I had hope still. I couldn't let go of the only thing keeping me sane. Maybe this whole ordeal hadn't registered to me, perhaps I thought it was a dream... A bad dream.

"Okay."

He sat on the bed, sighing deeply as if irritated. "I want to be with you."

"I know."

"Just give me one chance to prove I can love you. I can be the man you loved so much before, no bullshit."

I frown to myself. "You've killed or run off everyone that I love. I have no one because of you."

"I'm so sor..."

"You're not," I interrupt, "You've wanted this all along."

"So what if I have?" He questions sadly, "let me ask you this... Do you still love me? Is there any part of you that wonders what we could've been?"

I bite my lip. "Yes, okay? I do, I think about it constantly. But you're not good for me, I hate the person I am when I'm around you. Just tell me the truth, Zayn. Tell me because if you don't, I can't talk to you. I will stay mute."

A glimmer of hope lights up in his eyes. His tired demeanor and lazy gaze almost make me feel sorry for him.

"What happened at the warehouse... With Raquel? With Max? Why are we all tied together?"

"Raquel is your sister," he admits, his words already confusing. "I met her when I was looking for your mother. To my understanding, your mother was pregnant with her when she left. Max worked for me in the UK, in Berlin specifically. Raquel ended up at the warehouse because she told me lies, we were involved. Max threatened to expose me if I didn't let her go and that's why I did, he was my best friend and I couldn't kill him. I couldn't. Everything that happened with us was real, I have proof. I did try to take your father's fortune, but I stopped the process when I met you. That same night. Max knows that and so does Harry. I never lied about my family, or anything like that. My father left and my mother remarried. I do not speak to them. I did not kill your godfather, Harry did. I swear. For other reasons."

I take it all in. I'm so confused. Who was telling the truth? Where was my mother and why did Raquel sell me out? Why wasn't anyone capable of just being honest with me?

"What reasons?"

"Amy isn't who you think she is. You know she went to look for me the night you escaped with Gemma."

After holding in a deep breath, I start to cry. Not because of what he told me, or because I was in pain, but because every one had decided to turn against me. I had made so many mistakes and hurt so many people, but what did I do to deserve this?

I let him hug me. As I sob into his chest I feel myself so weak, so exhausted. I couldn't forgive him. I couldn't get over the lies. Or better yet, understand them. There was no way to wrap my head around this all.

"I'm sorry, angel, I'm sorry. I lost control..." he whispers, "I didn't want this."

"Me either," I sniffled.

"I had to let Harry go, I had to protect you. You can ask anyone, he isn't trustworthy. Your father knew that."

"Zayn, I'm so confused..."

"You'll see the truth in time. I don't care about money or anything anymore."

I looked up at him. He was so different. "Okay."