Beyond Repair

Chapter 3: Brothers

Getting home, I feel emotionally drained. I haven't had a panic attack in a while and I never really should've be alone when I'm out in public. I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and its mainly constant worrying about little things that aren't even realistic. Today's panic attack, like all others, was mainly caused by the fact that I didn't know where I was and whether or not I'd be abandoned by my family. Plus I hate being alone in public because I feel like I'm being judged by everyone.

"So your attacks have started again?" Evan asks in a calm tone. I shake my head.

"Today was the first time in a while."

"Paisley, do you think medication will-"

I shake my head, "No. No medication, I'm so sick of medication already."

"Paisley I get that but if it'll help you-"

"It won't; it'll just make me feel more like a freak than I already feel."

Evan sighs and comes over. He hugs me so tight that I feel like my bones might break, "You're not a freak. You're my little sister; I worry about you."

"There's nothing to worry about."

Before he could make a smart comment about how I'm wrong, the front door opens and my brothers stroll in. Logan has Daniel on his shoulders and Daniel is telling him to run faster. Chris and Cole are giving Max and Mason piggy back rides while Jordan and James are smiling at their phone. I think someone got a date.

"Hey Paisley," Jordan smirks, "Where'd you go?"

I feel my heart quicken and suddenly feel hot. I don't want to tell them. If I do then they'll start worrying about me and tell dad. If dad finds out then I'll definitely be on medication. I don't want that.

"Uh...Um..." I stammer before Evan speaks.

"We went to play a game," he lies and I feel relief, "She was getting sick of the pool and went to play a game. After the game we both got sick of the party so we came here."

I squeeze his hand as a thank you.

"Lame," Jordan says but something in his voice tells me he doesn't believe us. I hope he does believe us and I'm just paranoid.

"That's me," I tell him and I see guilt wash over his face. When I said it aloud, I was trying to be funny but I think a small part of me means it. Regardless, he feels guilty now and I hate it when I make people feel guilty.

But that's my family for you. Ever since last year, everyone's been walking on eggshells. It sucks; everyone watches everything they say around me and the jokes they make. They don't even playfully joke around with me anymore. I feel like I'm being babied.

"Joke," I mutter before pushing past Jordan. Jordan has brown hair that's long in the front which he spikes up and short in the back. He has small, brown eyes but his brown eyes light up when he actually smiles. You can tell when he actually smiles because his eyes get wrinkly on the sides; his smirk is fake. He's buff, he used to be in football and basketball, and a total player. He used to mess around with every girl in school. James has brown hair as well but his brown hair is shaggy and sometimes is spiked up. He has baby blue eyes that are small but a bit bigger than Jordan's. He's scrawny but has a good body. He's not a player but he has messed around; he's quiet and reserved as well.

Chris and Logan both have brown short hair that they always keep spiked up because they see Jordan and James doing it. They both have big brown eyes and thin lips. They're buff as well, they used to play football, and are not players. Logan flirts but he never messes around and Chris, if he really likes a girl then he'll make sure he lets her know.

Cole has brown hair as well but his hair is shaggy and he tends to gel it over to the right side. His eyes are brown as well and he's not the most buff in the house. It's okay though because even though he's not buff, he's smart but he doesn't really put in the effort. His grades are amazing but he tends to skip and party and get in trouble. I don't see Harvard in his future.

Max and Mason both have blonde hair and blue eyes. They're energetic and tend to get on everyone's nerves. They like to play pranks on people and be the center of attention. I call them the gruesome twosome because they always get in trouble or do something they shouldn't be doing. But recently, they've been trying too hard to make everyone happy. I think they've taken that responsibility and I don't want them to have that big of a responsibility.

Daniel has the curliest blonde hair in this family. Since we're all mainly brunettes, he, the gruesome twosome and mom were the odd ones out. His curly hair comes down to his cheeks and unlike mom, James and the gruesome twosome, he has brown eyes. His eyes are big and the brown makes the blonde in his hair stand out. He's got baby cheeks as well which just adds to his cuteness.

I walk to the kitchen to get something to drink. We have water, Coca-Cola, Sprite, Pepsi, Fanta, orange juice, apple juice, protein shakes, coffee, alcohol and milk. When you have a bunch of kids, your fridge is going to be full of food and drinks. I grab a cold bottle of water and some Greek yogurt. I don't play a sport like my brothers so I need to watch what I eat. Dad sold our treadmill and most exercising equipment before we moved. I was so mad at him; I was the one who actually used it and I needed it. Now I guess I'll have to go running through the neighborhood. That's not something I'm enjoying.

"Ew yogurt," Jordan makes a disgusted face while walking in. I roll my eyes and smirk. I can't wait to see what he grabs. He gets a Sprite and some leftover pizza. I wrinkle my nose. Old pizza is so not good.

"Yuck," I mutter and he looks at me. Through his eyes you can see the worry but he's trying to play it off as he's not worried about the comment I just made. I clear my throat, "Old pizza is disgusting."

He finally relaxes and moves the pizza towards my face, I swat his hand away, he takes a huge bite, "Cold pizza, the best thing ever."

I roll my eyes, "Um no."

"Better than your Greek yogurt."

"At least I'm healthy."

Here comes the worry again, I think after I say that. But he doesn't have the worry in his eyes. Maybe he's finally learned how to take a joke.

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