Beyond Repair

Chapter 32: The Mess

It happened after lunch. Everyone looked at me with disgusted looks and some even rolled their eyes at me. That's when I saw it, in big bright letters, SELF HARM AWARENESS.

My heart stopped beating for the longest time. I stopped moving, everything caved in. This isn't happening. There was a picture of me and it said "help her get through it". People laughed and when they saw me, they pretended to cut to make fun of me. Katrina and Stacy laughed along and I closed my eyes and clenched my fists. I stormed to the table and they looked at me, my brothers and Donovan did too.

"Hey Paisley!" Stacy says in a happy tone. I glare down at her.

"This is too far!" I shout, silencing the whole cafeteria.

Katrina smiles, "We're just trying to raise awareness. It turned out to be a big problem nowadays with teenagers. You need some support and help."

I squeeze my fist tight, "This was not your thing to tell!"

"Then you shouldn't have said anything in the first place."

"I didn't!"

"Honey, they were gonna find out, sooner than later."

I feel tears spring to my eyes, "How can you be so cruel?"

She shrugs, "I'm not cruel, I just wanted you to get the help you deserve."

"Maybe next time you should make sure you succeed," Stacy says, laughing and everyone looks at me. I look to my brothers for support, for anything, but the cowards look down as if the table and floor are the most interesting thing. Donovan looks at me though, I can see he's shocked by what Stacy said but doesn't say anything. I'm really alone.

Katrina smiles at me, "Do us all a favor Paisley, go home and die. You're brothers would be better off."

I look to my brothers but none of them speak up. This is how they really feel. Their life would be much better without me in it. I take a deep breath and turn on my heel. I walk away from the lunch table and silently wish Eric didn't skip today. I wish I had someone in my corner. I headed out the main doors and turned left. I began my walk home, no tears were streaming because I was still in shock. How could my brothers side with Katrina?

I turn to my street and head towards my house. I let myself in and lock the door. Then I head straight upstairs where I run into Jordan and James. They don't even ask why I'm home early or why I'm skipping. Instead, they hit my shoulder hard and carry on. I take a couple of deep breaths before I barge into my room, slam the door, lock it and fling myself onto my bed. I curl up in a ball and cry. I cry over mom. I cry over my brothers.

I hate that I'm such a burden to them. That I embarrass them. That I can't do nothing to please them. I'm the disappointment. I probably should've died in the car wreck. It would've made everyone a lot happier. Why could I have? Why does everyone hate me so much?  Most of all, I hate that they don't love me the way I love them. Maybe I'm not meant to have their love.

I don't care anymore. I pull my drawer open and dig around for my blades, I find one and slowly shrug my jacket off. They know so there's no use in hiding it anymore. I can't do this anymore. I can't. I just want to die.

I tremble from the crying as I hold the blade between my thumb and index finger. Slowly I make a small horizontal line at the top of the arm. Then another and another. All the while tears are streaming down my face, I start to hiccup and my nose makes those ugly snot bubbles.

God I'm such a screw up.

Another's cut.
I ruin lives.

Another cut.
Mom died because of me.

Two cuts.
I'm worthless.

Another cut.
I'm ugly.
I'm fat.
I don't deserve this oxygen.

One, two, three I love the way they bleed.
My brothers hate me.

Three cuts.
Dad hates me.

Three cuts.
I was stupid for believing this was different. I was gullible to think they actually cared.

Three cuts for my stupidity.
I should just die!

I was so out of it that I didn't even realize I made it to my wrist. As I thought the last thing, I dug the blade into my wrist and then blood, blood and more blood started spurting out. I watched, I deserved this. I deserve everything I get. If I die, I deserve that too. Maybe this time I'll succeed.

I look down at the blood stained carpet and remember how much mom hated stains. I should clean this up before mom sees. She'll have a cow. I need to clean this up, mom hates messes.

I stand up and wobble a bit. I trudge over to the bathroom and grab a towel and wet it. I make my way back and that's when my knees give. I crumble to the ground, knocking something down, and I feel my eyes close. I'm engulfed by darkness. Moms going to be so upset I made a mess.
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ALL I CAN SAY IS IM HAPPY:D I HAVE 3.1K READS ON THIS STORY AND THAT IS A LOT MORE THAN I EXPECTED:) THREE CHAPTERS!! YALL DESERVED IT. OMG THIS CHAPTER MADE ME SAD WRITING IT. WHAT'D YALL THINK? COMMENT BELOW AND VOTE PLEASE! AGAIN THANKS FOR READING...I APPRECIATE IT!

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