Let's Play Doctor!

Game 43 - I want you back, Emma

Game 43 – I want you back, Emma

It was a week after my break up with Caleb and also after the night I slept with Andy. We were both adults and we both don’t regret it. I don’t regret it, it just felt right that moment.

It wasn’t a moment of weakness. Alam ko yung ginagawa ko nun. Hindi na namin kailangan pang mag-usap ni Andy pagkagising namin dahil alam naming dalawa kung ano yung nangyari.

It happened before and just like before we both let it go. Sex with Andy was always good. The first time we did it together was the first time we met again, I was still so angry with him that time and things got out of control.

I ended things with Angelo, sex with Angelo was good but by God, sex with Andy was off the rocket. I forgave Andy for the things he had done in the past and we still had meaningless sex.

I told him that I didn’t want to get back together that time, I think he agreed because he would take anything I give him. Shiloh was two that time and I was so happy but then we just stopped our sexcapade, don’t know what happened but it just felt right to stop.

But every now and then we would have sex. So what happened last week didn’t change anything at all. I know, I have a fucked up relationship with Andy but that's how we work. We can’t get back together, we were toxic and we just end up hurting each other.

Andy accepted it, I also did.

The hospital called me today, gusto daw akong kausapin ng asawa ni Pauline. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, hindi ko nga alam kung gusto kong kausapin si Leo ngayon. Hindi ko kaya na marinig pa yung mga sasabihin niya. I didn’t want to hear him say that I’m a murderer.

I was already breaking and I couldn’t handle it.

But Lolo insisted that I go see the man, he said it would help. Help with what, I don’t know. But I guess I needed to see him too. To ask for forgiveness, I know it won’t change things, Pauline was still dead but I needed peace.

I would ask for forgiveness and I would vow to never hold a scalpel again in my whole life. That was the right thing to do, I took away something he loved and as payback, I would let him take the one thing that had always felt right in my life.

Being a doctor helped me a lot. It was like a coping mechanism. I wanted to save people to feel good about myself, that maybe if I couldn’t save Sadie before then I could actually save others for her.

But now, it seemed that it was a curse. People died in my hands. I can’t keep feeling like this.

So I went to the coffee shop where he asked me to meet him. I saw him at the table near the window, I hesitated before walking toward him. I breathed a sigh and walked toward his table.

He looked up and smiled sadly at me as he gestured me to sit across him. I sat and stared at the coffee the waitress just set down in front of us. “I’m sorry.” He started. I looked at him startled. “Hindi ko dapat sinigaw yung mga sinigaw ko nung araw na yun. Hindi ko dapat sayo sinabi yung mga yun. She admired you and she trusted you. Alam niya na mas malaki yung chances na hindi siya mabuhay, handa siya kaso hindi ako handa kaya sayo ko nabaling yung galit.”