Dublin | Book 2

21. Why Is Life So Hard?

Killian's POV

I look at Emma as she sleeps. How I miss her. I miss holding her, I miss kissing her, I miss everything about her. I finally fall asleep with a guilty heart.

I wake and see Emma dashing for the bathroom. I jump up and run after her. I see her vomiting into the toilet. I pull her hair back and kneel beside her. I rub her back and kiss her head. She finally stops. "You okay?" I ask. She shakes her head. I sweep her up into my arms and carry her back to my bed. I set her down. She sits up as I sit down. "What's wrong?" She pulls her knees to her chest and shrugs. "I'll take care of the kids." I kiss her forehead, but immediately regret it. "I'm sorry." I pull back and stand up.

"I'm sorry too." I hear her whisper before I walk out. I walk into Colin's room.

"Hey, baby girl." I pick her up. "Good morning, my love." She hides her face in my shoulder. She rubs her eyes sleepily. I kiss her head. "How did you sleep, darling?" I hear her snore. I chuckle and smile. I walk to my room. Emma looks up at me.

"Is she okay?" She sits up.

"Aye, just tired." I smile. I walk to her and lay her in her arms. She cradles her. "Will you watch her while I get the boys?"

"Sure," she kisses her head. I smile and walk to get the boys. I see them still fast asleep. I walk back to Emma.

"There still wiped out. I'll put her back to bed." I pick Colin up and put her in her room. Emma walks out of my room, looking green. She stumbles. "Woah!" I catch her. "Love, you need to sit down." She nods. I sweep her up and bring her down the several flights of stairs. I lay her on the couch and turn om the T.V. I put on her favorite show and go to the kitchen. I make chicken noodle soup. "Here you go, love." I hand her the bowl.

"Stop, Killian." She whimpers.

"What? What am I doing?" I ask confused.

"We aren't married anymore. We shouldn't sleep in the same bed. You shouldn't take care of me. I should have just dropped the kids off." She gets up.

"Hey!" I grab her. "Just because you think you don't love me anymore, doesn't mean I don't still love you."

"Just let me go, Killian." She pushes away from me. "It will be easier for both of us if you do."

"I won't ever stop fighting for you. You know that. I didn't spend ten years of my life with you, to be thrown out. 'Til death do us part, Emma. If you leave me, I might as well be dead."

"Then die." She whispers.

"How could you say that!? Look at everything I gave up for you! I quite my band, I could have been a huge star, but I would rather have you by my side! There is no amount of fame that could be fulfilling as your love!"

"Then why did you cheat on me!?" She screams. "Was she more fulfilling than I was!?"

"No,"

"I gave you a family, Killian! I gave you three beautiful children! They adore you! I loved you too the moon and back! How could you do that to me!? How could you even think about hurting me like that!? I was your wife! We could have had a long, happy life together." She cries.

"I'm so sorry, Emma." I cry.

"I know." She looks away. "The kids can stay with you today. I'll pick them up tonight." She walks away, wiping off her cheeks.

"Love, please-"

"Don't ever call me that again."

Emma's POV

I walk into work. My co-worker Elsa, looks at me as I walk by. She gives a small smile. I just get to my desk. "Hey," she smiles. "You don't normally come in." I set my laptop on the desk. "You okay?" She asks, noticing my tears.

"I'm sorry." I sob.

"Hey, hey, it's okay." She says sweetly, bringing me in for a hug. We bad become close over the last two years. We sit down against the wall. "You wanna talk about it?"

"My husband and I- well, ex-hushed. We recently got a divorce, and he won't let me go. It's so hard for me. Our children don't understand what's going on, and it breaks my heart to see them. The problem is, I'm still madly in love with him, but I just can't get past what he did." I cry.

"Do you mind if I ask what he did?"

"It's really personal."

"It's okay, I understand."

"I don't understand how I can hate him so much, but love him all the same. I'm so fucking confused."

"I know there's nothing I can say that will make you feel better but-"

"I'm pregnant." I choke in a whisper.

"Woah! What? Really?" She asks shocked. "Is it Killian's?"

"Yeah," I sniff. "It is." I hide my face in my knees.

"How care you going to tell him?"

"I- I don't think I am." I whisper.

"What? Emma, you have to tell him. It's his baby too."

"I know, but it will just make everything harder."

"He's going to find out eventually. You can't hide it forever. Emma, I know we haven't known each other very long, but trust me, lying will only make things worse. You say your still in love with him, then maybe this baby can bring you back together." She says with a smile.

"I don't know, Elsa."

"It's your choice." She helps me up. "If you wait tok soon, I think it might be permanent."

Four Months Later...

I arrive at Killian's house, after he wached the kids while I was at an ultrasound appointment. He doesn't know. I was into the house and see Killian asleep on the couch with Henry on his chest. "Mummy!" Liam and acolin yell, running to me. Killian opens his eyee and sits up. Henry wakes up and puts his arms around his father's neck.

"Hey, guys." I smile and kiss their heads. "How was your day with Daddy?" I smile.

"Fun!" They say happily. I chuckle.

"Good. Now we need to get home." I pick Henry up fro Killian's chest.

"Why, Mummy?"

"Because you have school tomorrow."

"Can we stay here?" She begs with her big blue eyes.

"No, baby. We have to go home. Get your stuff and get in the car, okay?"

"Daddy." She cries. Killian gets up and holds her in his arms.

"Don't cry, my love. I'll see you very soon, okay?" She nods into his shoulder. "Promise me you'll be good." He kisses her head. "Promise Daddy you'll be good."

"I promise." She whispers. He smiles as a tear slips down his cheek. "I wuv you, Daddy."

"I love you too, Colin." He sets her down. He says goodbye to Liam and walks to me. He smiles at Henry. "Hey, buddy."

"Hi, Daddy." He chuckles.

"I love you." He kisses his head. "Take care of your Mum for me." He smiles. He looks me in the eyes. "Take care of them."

"Killian, what's going on? It sounds like you're saying goodbye." I ask in confusion.

"I'm going away for awhile." He chokes.

"What? Why? How long will you be gone?"

"I don't know yet." He gives a painful smile. "Just take care of them." I set Henry down. "Please? Take care of them."

"I will." He grabs my waist, pulling me against him, and engulfing me in a kiss. I'm taken back, but I let him. I see the pain in his eyes and I just let him have this moment.

"I'm sorry. I had to do that once more." He creases my cheek with his thumb. "Here," he takes off his wedding band. I stopped wearing mine the moment I found out he was cheating on me. "Keep this safe." Tears slip down his cheeks. "I love you." He kisses my forehead as he squeezes his eyes shut. "Goodbye." He whispers.