Next to Me (Camren)

Chapter 18

A/N: 3 updates in a week! You're welcome.

July

Camila's POV

So, I felt like I was letting Lauren down again. Not because I did anything wrong, at least I think I didn't, but damn is she different nowadays. I didn't really know why but she's been going through something that I couldn't figure out. She's not telling me about it either which makes me pretty nervous and actually helpless, believing it was my fault but I just didn't know.

The girls and I were in New York for a Teen Vogue shoot, the Fourth of July, and The Today Show performance. It was amazing how we got to now do those shows annually as it would be our third summer concert in the plaza and fifth time performing on the show overall.

"Hey, Walz, you feeling okay?" Dinah approached me while we were on the Teen Vogue shoot. We were all ready to go with our individual white outfits on and about to do solo shoots and interviews.

"Kind of," I answered, looking off in the distance.

"I see you're looking at your girl," she followed me eyes. "She's not feeling too well either." Since us girls knew each other so well, they knew the second we felt unsure or sad about something. They nailed it every time, always making sure we were good, and I'd do the same for them.

"Has she said anything to you?" I asked her.

"Not really...you know Lauren, she puts on a happy face and appears unfazed even though we can see right through her. Does it every time. I don't know if she's talked to Mani about it though."

"I mean, she would be the first one who Lauren would go to," I shrugged.

"Well, let her figure it out herself. I think she wants some time and space to do that." She was right. Lauren did need to be alone with her thoughts at a time like this. We would let her work it out and later she'd come back happier so this wasn't new. But it's not like I loved whenever this happened.

On set, I watched Lauren's behind the scenes interview. I listened to her talk about how she dislikes getting her makeup done, how she thinks her mother is beautiful, and what real beauty is to her which is from within, what you share with the world, and being kind to others. Her answers were beautiful. She was so beautiful inside and out and hearing her respond to what makes a beautiful person, she described herself. She was the most beautiful person I've ever gotten to know.

________________________

For the next couple of days, we got some free time in NYC which usually didn't happen. Despite rehearsals though that actually didn't take too long, I mostly just took my past time to be alone with myself. I'd also play with my little sister, watch movies with her, swim in the pool, but also get back into listening to music.

There was such good music out right now that I was all over Spotify and listening to every public playlist. I really needed to hear good lyrics for some artistic inspiration and maybe for some of my own sounds. Because of Taylor's influence, I got myself a songwriting book a little while ago and just dabbled into some lyrics ever since. They weren't amazing or anything but I thought if I kept going, they could turn into something very meaningful. They were already meaningful but they were also my own work of art that I created by myself and only myself. The girls didn't have anything to do with it; it was just me which made me more proud.

Usually, I'd put on my headphones and just listen to hundreds of songs. I'd get lost in my own world and block out all the stress that I've been going through so much recently. I'd normally be worrying about Lauren, worrying about the pressures of fame, performing, and the media on a regular basis. That stuff sucked a lot of the time and you just want to get away from it so badly. And with the tour that was just around the corner, I really wanted to escape from this reality and live in a fantasy.