Regine Iman Thomas
If he didnt have any feelings for me all he had to do was say it. He didnt want a girlfriend....more like he didnt want me as a girlfriend.
I was starting to feel like more and more of a burden to everyone. The fact that Joey still thought I irritated him made that feeling even worse. I seemed to get on everyone's nerves. My mother wouldn't even answer the phone for me anymore. I was sure she was done with me for good.
Probably happy to finally have gotten rid of me.
I finished up my crying spell and looked at myself in the mirror. I was a wreck. Sure I looked fine on the outside, but on the inside I felt like I was barely making it.
When I was done in the bathroom I went back to lay down. Joey was laying on his back with his arm covering his face. I slid into the bed with my back facing him and turned off the light. I didnt turn the tv off. I wasnt sure if he was going to continue watching it.
After a while, the bed moved and I felt him pull me closer to him. His thumb rubbed my hip bone gently and he kissed the back of my neck near my spine. I closed my eyes as a chill ran up my body.
I didnt understand. I wasnt his girlfriend but he did things like this?
I wasnt his girlfriend but he managed to make me feel like this?
Maybe it was just one sided. Maybe I was thinking too much into it. Maybe it was just me. I guess he didnt feel the same.
"Goodnight" he muttered. My heart fluttered. I ignored it and tried to fall asleep.
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Joey woke up early to work on his artwork. I didnt want to bother him so after finishing up some work for a client, I decided I would go visit Nicole.
I showered and got dressed in some joggers and an acid washed tshirt. I slid into some puma slides and threw my hair into a bun. I wasnt going to bother with make up. I was only going to visit a friend.
I grabbed my bag and made my way out into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. If I didnt bring one I would probably die in the heat.
Joey entered the kitchen. "Where you going?"
"To see Nicole" I responded simply to him.
"How you getting there?"
"The bus."
He shook his head. "Take my car if you want. You can drive right?" he chuckled playfully.
"Yes I can drive" I rolled my eyes.
"Take it then" he said. I nodded.
"Thank you" I smiled. That was nice of him.
He got up and walked over to me. He crossed his arms and sized me. I laughed. "What?"
He smirked. "Nothing. Tell Nic I said wassup" he said and walked back into the living room.
I followed and grabbed his keys off of the coffee table. I walked past him to the door but he grabbed me by the waist before I could make it there.
"Yeah?" I questioned. He just grabbed my chin and kissed me.
"Bye."
I tried to hide the fact that I was blushing on my way out the door.
But I wasnt his girlfriend....
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I got to Nicole and Denzel's place in no time. I made my way up the stairs and knocked on the door.
"Who is it?!" I heard Nicole yell.
"Reggiiieee!" The door unlocked. She opened it and smiled.
"Helloooooo darling! Where have you been?" she asked me as I walked in and closed the door.
"Home" I told her plainly.
"Denzel says he hasnt seen you in class the past two weeks. Why is that?"
"Damn. I didnt know you guys were my parents" I joked.
"Shut up Regine. Now spill it. Where have you been?" she asked seriously as we sat on the couch.
"Literally home."
"Mhmmm, with JoVaughn i'm assuming?"
"Well he does live with me..." I reponded smartly.
"You've been around him too much. You getting real slick" she chuckled. I laughed.
"How have you been?" I asked her.
"Dont change the subject missy. Whats going on with you and JoVaughn?"
I sighed while rolling my eyes. She wasnt going to let it go. "If I tell you can you keep it a secret?" I asked her with a side eye.
"Of course" she assured me. I wasnt too sure but I was still going to tell her anyway because I wanted advice.
"We kissed."
Her eyes got super wide and she shreiked. "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT WOULD HAPPEN! So do you guys like each other?"
I shrugged. "I know I have feelings for him. He claims he does for me too, but he doesnt want to be in a relationship with me."
Nicole frowned sourly. "Why not?"
"I dont know. I dont think he really feels any type of way about me. I just think he's sparing my feelings" I said truthfully.
"I've known him for a while now. He doesnt lie about things like that so he most definitely is feeling you. I can clearly see it too. I think he's just being a big ole bitch."
"What do you mean?" I was confused.
"I dont think he necessarily doesnt want to be with you Reggie, I just think he's scared to be with you....if that makes any sense."
"It doesnt to me" I chuckled.
"Thats the point. It doesnt make sense to you but it makes sense to him as do alot of other things. He loves to run from his emotions especially when he sees someone doesnt understand where he's coming from. He probably feels like he'll hurt your feelings somehow through that issue of understanding."
"I do a pretty good job at understanding him now. What will me being his girl change about that?"
"Maybe he feels like at the friend level he doesnt have to give you all of him, just what he feels comfortable with. In a relationship he might feel obligated to give you more than what he feels like he can at the moment."
"He's so complicated" I sighed. I felt like I had caught feelings for a jigsaw puzzle.
"Its too late to turn back now. You're already halfway in love" Nicole chortled.
Yeah..... halfway.
