JoVaughn Virginie Scott
This morning I made sure to get the fuck away from Reggie's house before she woke up. Last night was weird for me.
I had night terrors before at Denzel's house but I dont think he and Nicole ever heard or witnessed it. Reggie was the first person to ever see the shit.
The fact that she made me feel so calm and comfortable was what scared me because now I was starting to feel like I needed her.
I didn't.
Or maybe I did.
I was conflicted.
Even though I couldn't stand her, I knew there was something deep down in me that was attaching myself to her. I was a strong believer in spiritual connections. I was trying to strongly believe that mine wasn't connecting with hers. I was trying to disconnect. I was trying to push away.
But everytime I pushed away, something seemed to happen that brought me closer to her.
Maybe it was the fact that she had the same traits as my mother. The most evident one being that she had a big heart. She cared for people even if they didn't care for her.
I could tell that when she loved, she loved hard. Maybe that was what I needed. Someone to love me.
Who was I kidding? That would never happen.
I had come to terms long ago with the fact that i'm probably way too complex for any female to give loving me a chance.
"What are you drawing?" Nicole asked me. I had been so deep in what I was doing that I didn't even notice she was standing over me. I had come over here to their house early this morning. I had been drawing and sketching ever since I arrived.
I also was so into my thoughts that I didnt know what I was sketching. I was just letting my hand and the pencil travel across the page. I'd probably paint it later if I liked it enough.
"I dont even know" I mumbled to Nic. She grabbed the sketchbook off of the table and looked at it.
She started smiling. What the fuck was so amusing?
"She looks familiar" she said and put it back in front of me. She walked back into the living room with her glass of water. I then looked down at what I had drawn and realized what she meant.
It was pretty abstract but it was obvious that I had drawn Regine. I let out a sigh and closed my sketchbook. Nicole was never going to let me live this shit down.
