JoVaughn Virginie Scott
This morning I made sure to get the fuck away from Reggie's house before she woke up. Last night was weird for me.
I had night terrors before at Denzel's house but I dont think he and Nicole ever heard or witnessed it. Reggie was the first person to ever see the shit.
The fact that she made me feel so calm and comfortable was what scared me because now I was starting to feel like I needed her.
I didn't.
Or maybe I did.
I was conflicted.
Even though I couldn't stand her, I knew there was something deep down in me that was attaching myself to her. I was a strong believer in spiritual connections. I was trying to strongly believe that mine wasn't connecting with hers. I was trying to disconnect. I was trying to push away.
But everytime I pushed away, something seemed to happen that brought me closer to her.
Maybe it was the fact that she had the same traits as my mother. The most evident one being that she had a big heart. She cared for people even if they didn't care for her.
I could tell that when she loved, she loved hard. Maybe that was what I needed. Someone to love me.
Who was I kidding? That would never happen.
I had come to terms long ago with the fact that i'm probably way too complex for any female to give loving me a chance.
"What are you drawing?" Nicole asked me. I had been so deep in what I was doing that I didn't even notice she was standing over me. I had come over here to their house early this morning. I had been drawing and sketching ever since I arrived.
I also was so into my thoughts that I didnt know what I was sketching. I was just letting my hand and the pencil travel across the page. I'd probably paint it later if I liked it enough.
"I dont even know" I mumbled to Nic. She grabbed the sketchbook off of the table and looked at it.
She started smiling. What the fuck was so amusing?
"She looks familiar" she said and put it back in front of me. She walked back into the living room with her glass of water. I then looked down at what I had drawn and realized what she meant.
It was pretty abstract but it was obvious that I had drawn Regine. I let out a sigh and closed my sketchbook. Nicole was never going to let me live this shit down.
Nic came back in and sat down at the table a few minutes later. I was just staring into space.
"You dont have to be afraid to say you like her" she said.
"I don't."
"You do Joey. Why the hell else would you be drawing her?" she laughed.
"Shit isnt funny. She just has a nice face for art" I tried to make up an excuse.
"Nice face for art my ass. Nice try buddy. Glad to see you back into it though. Denzel told me you were painting again."
"Yeah" I mumbled dryly. I didnt want to talk anymore. Nic just stared at me.
"I can tell you arent in the mood so i'll leave you alone now" she said walking back into the living room.
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As much as I dreaded going back to Regine's house, I knew I had no choice. When I walked in, I didnt see her and nothing was on. I instantly let out a sigh of relief. She wasnt here.
I sat on the couch and creatively thought of ways to avoid her. All my ideas were shut down when her room door opened and she walked out. I groaned in frustration.
"Hey" I heard her say as she walked into the kitchen. I stayed quiet. I didnt want to open the door to conversation.
After a few minutes she walked out carrying a plate with cut apples on it. She came and sat down next to me on the couch. This was exactly what I was trying to steer clear of.
"I know you probably don't want to talk about it. Or talk to me at all for that matter.." she trailed off. She had that right.
"My mother used to have them...Alot" she said.
I frowned. "Have what?" I asked her. I knew I didnt want to talk to her, but at the same time I was interested in what she had to say.
"The night terrors."
"Your point?" I asked her. She grabbed her apples and got up making her way back into her room, slamming the door in the process. I knew I had upset her.
I tried to ignore the feeling I was having. The feeling that was telling me I should hear her out. The feeling telling me to go talk to her.
I couldn't. I ended up going over and knocking on her door. "Regine."
"Yes" I heard her say dryly. I felt like I was going to regret this shit.
"Can I come in?"
"Sure." I opened the door. She was at her computer working on something in Photoshop.
I stood awkwardly near the door.
"Are you just going to stand there?" she turned around and looked at me. I noticed she had taken the braids out of her head.
She actually had way more hair than I thought. It was in a bun on top of her head.
"Tell me what you were going to say" I said to her. She shook her head no.
"I don't wanna talk about it anymore." Now I was starting to get irritated.
"Why the fuck not? You were so ready to spill it to me a few minutes ago."
"Because I dont work on your time Joey. You cant decide when you want to be a dick to me and when you want to be nice. I have feelings and you walk all over them every fucking day. I'm sick of it. So i'm done trying to talk to you for now. You wanted me to leave you alone. You got it. Get out my room" she went back to what she was doing.
"Regine..." I said reluctantly.
"What?!" I knew she was frustrated with me.
She was giving up on me. Just like everyone else always did. I couldn't let her. I wouldn't let her.
"Bare with me" I told her scratching my head. This shit was so uncomfortable for me but I felt like I had to do it.
She turned around and looked at me. "I can only bare with you if you cooperate with me."
I looked away from her and clenched my jaw. I knew she was right.
"Okay" I gave in.
"Okay what?"
"I'll cooperate. Give me some time. This shit is weird for me" I confessed to her. She nodded.
"Will do. Now seriously. Get out of my room. I have work to do."
