The Wrong Way Around [Phan]

Chapter 43

Dan's Pov

How was I supposed to tell him this?! We had been through so much together, we had been told we were actually soulmates, and Phil loved me so much he would take his own life to be with me.

So, after all that, how do you tell someone you're having second thoughts?

I'm not saying I didn't want to be with him; no, that's definitely not the case. I mean, I liked him... at least, I thought I did. Honestly, I couldn't be sure about my feelings anymore. It was like my emotions were connected to my brain by a bunch of wires that had been plugged into the wrong places. I could never really tell anymore what I was feeling or for what reason.

So yes, I had been distancing myself from Phil a bit, but I had good reason. Maybe if I did that, when I told him I was reconsidering a bit, it wouldn't hurt as much. Not that it would be that bad, hopefully; it's not like I was breaking up with him or anything. I just... needed a bit of time to sort out my feelings. After all that had happened to us, it was understandable, really.

Without giving another thought to it, knowing I'd back out, I stormed into Phil's room and said, "Phil, I have something to tell you."

He turned to look up at me, mild surprise displayed on his features. There. Now there was no way I was getting out of telling him.

"Yeah, Dan?" he asked me.

"I just-" It was then that I realized I hadn't made any plans whatsoever about how to tell him this. My tongue flopped around helplessly in my mouth, trying to form words that I didn't want to say. Phil patted the bed beside him and I slowly walked over, sitting next to him and resting my head on his chest so he could run his fingers through my hair.

"What is it, darling?" he asked, planting a gentle kiss on the top of my head before continuing to stroke it. It should really have been the other way around. Phil was probably going to need a bit of comforting after what I was about to say.

"I'm not sure anymore," I finally managed to choke out.

His fingers paused for a moment, then continued to caress my head. "I understand," he eventually muttered.

"I'm sorry, Phil. I ju-"

He silenced me with a quiet "sh" and carefully pushed me back to sitting position, leaving his hand resting in my now slightly tangled hair. I was quite shocked at how well he was handling this. Maybe my plan of distancing myself had worked?

"I understand, Dan," Phil repeated. "You did say at the start of our relationship that you were taking a chance being with me, and you weren't sure if it would work out. It's okay. Don't feel bad."

I nodded slightly, smiling gratefully at him for not taking this too hard. He patted my leg before I got up to go on Tumblr, and I turned to smile at him once more before leaving.

Phil's Pov

I slammed my fist into my pillow for about the millionth time, trying to stop myself from just grabbing a blade and slicing my skin open.

Dan was having second thoughts. Did he not love me? No, then he would have just broken up with me. But what if he just wanted to do it slowly, bit drop it all on me at once? Hadn't we been told we were soulmates though?! Did you even have to be a couple to be soulmates? Maybe we could just be friends. But I didn't want to just be friends with him! I wanted to be able to kiss him and cuddle him and call him mine, and now he was reconsidering all that.

I threw one last punch at my pillow before flinging myself onto my bed and sobbing as quietly as possible into my blankets. Not that Dan would probably care anyway, if he could hear me.

Then I thought of something. It would solve my problems with Dan, and maybe I could even eventually move on and just forget him. It was almost too much to hope for, but to be able to put everything that had happened behind me and start a new life... it sounded too good to be true.

I rapidly reached under my bed and pulled out a backpack, throwing in a few articles of clothing plus my phone, laptop, and chargers. I then put my camera in as well, just in case. After I thought I had everything I needed, I carefully opened the window to the fire escape so Dan couldn't hear and started climbing down onto the streets below.

As soon as my feet hit the pavement, I ran as fast as I could away from Dan and all my memories.