Kavi One Shots

Let Her Go

Avi Kaplan's POV

Well you only need the light when it's burning low.
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow.
Only know you love her when you let her go.

"Happy," I think. "Happy is what she is right now. Without me, yeah."

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low.
Only hate the road when you're missing home.
Only know you love her when you let her go.
And you let her go.

She said it herself. She doesn't need me. Or love me. Or anything. She hates me now. Can't go back. I can't.

Staring at the bottom of your glass.
Hoping one day you'll make a dream last.
But dreams come slow and they go so fast.

It's so peaceful but fake to have a wonderful and happy dream about someone you care about so dearly actually loving you the way you love them, but then the coldness of reality wakes you up the moment you actually feel loved for once. Bittersweet dreams. I almost could feel the fabric of her clothing in my hands. When I didn't believe she was real, and I touched her to see if everything was. Obviously it wasn't but dream me kept persisting that it just had to be. It couldn't be fake. I couldn't play such a cruel prank on myself, no.

You see her when you close your eyes.
Maybe one day you'll understand why.
Everything you touch surely dies.

I feel like she's still here.

Maybe if I stayed with her, just maybe if I didn't listen to her for once, maybe. The rain's getting heavy, though. I can feel the water soaking through my clothes and onto me. I'll probably be drenched with rain water by the time I get back home. I should've brought an umbrella.

But you only need the light when it's burning low.
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow.
Only know you love her when you let her go.

It's getting so dark. My phone's dead. I guess I have to keep using the darkening street lights.

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low.
Only hate the road when you're missing home.
Only know you love her when you let her go.

How long does it take to get there from home? It shouldn't take this long. I think I'm purposefully walking slower.

Staring at the ceiling in the dark.
Same old empty feeling in your heart.
Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast.

It was so easy for me to fall in love with her and so easy for her to fall out of love with me. How easily replaceable I am.

Well you see her when you fall asleep.
But never to touch and never to keep.
Cause you loved her too much and you dived too deep.

It hurts when I see her. I know she isn't there, but a small part of me wants it to be true. For this all to be a nightmare and so I can wake up to her in my arms, sleeping. Her body slowly heaving up and down. I miss that. So, so much.

Well you only need the light when it's burning low.
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow.
Only know you love her when you let her go.

The street lights are almost out. I wonder what time it is. I don't know how I'll get home, but then again home is where she is, and she isn't here anymore.

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low.
Only hate the road when you're missing home.
Only know you love her when you let her go.
And you let her go.
And you let her go.
Well you let her go.

I shouldn't have left that day.

Cause you only need the light when it's burning low.
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow.
Only know you love her when you let her go.

One day. One day I can be with her.

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low.
Only hate the road when you're missing home.
Only know you love her when you let her go.

Home. I miss that word and the feeling. To feel warm inside when you see your home. She was my home. Why can't I go back home?

Cause you only need the light when it's burning low.
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow.
Only know you love her when you let her go.

I could've stayed and prevented it all. Maybe.

Only know you've been high when you're feeling low.
Only hate the road when you're missing home.
Only know you love her when you let her go.

"Finally," I think. I step inside the fencing and close the gate behind me as I hold the cold vase of dark red roses closer to my chest. I wiped the wetness on my cheek off, and I knew that wasn't from the heavy rain.

I step closer to the spot where I've considered home for the past month. I can't stay at home for long, though.

I set the vase down carefully, managing not to tip it to shatter everywhere. There were a lot of flowers there. Some were dead but most were new and beautiful. I guess the dead ones resembled me. The beautiful, bright ones resembled her, definitely.

I sat down on the freezing, cold stone and sighed as I ran my hand across the stone in front of me, tracing the letters following engraved.

Kirstin Taylor Maldonado
1992–2016
Loving sister, girlfriend, and friend
R.I.P.

I closed my eyes, remembering the day she finally had enough of me. The day I knew I should've worked things out rather than just leaving because she demanded me to.

"You always do this!" she screamed. "I'm sick and tired of it!"

"What do you want me to do?" I asked patiently, although I didn't seem patient. I was furious, but I'd never take my anger out on Kirstin.

"I want you to stop! I want you to quit! I've asked so many times. We've gone to therapy. We've done it all. You still continue!" she groans, tearing a piece of the fabric on the table's cloth. It didn't actually rip, but it slightly fell off.

"I try! Why can't you see that?"

"No, Avriel. I try," she sighs, straightening up and staring at me, both sadness and anger in her green-hazel eyes. Those beautiful eyes that always got my heart racing. "Go."

"Go?" I scoffed. "What?"

"Leave. I'm done. I've tried, and I don't know if you do. Leave, god damn it!" she screeched, tears pricking out of her eyes.

I immediately rushed out the door in anger and bewilderment.

Not even three hours later, the news appear on the tv the hotel room had. I wasn't interested until the name 'Kirstin' was mentioned. My eyes flew up to the screen. The caption 'Kirstin Maldonado found murdered at her home' caught my eye and I stared at the tv in pure shock. I was just with her. This can't be happening.

And you let her go.

***

a/n: inspiration from songs ayOO

sad, but hey! it's an update!