Kavi One Shots

Battle Scars [suicidal content]

Kirstie Maldonado's POV -- may be triggering (suicidal content, cutting, ect.)

Sometimes, a person can really change you. It doesn't matter who you are or who the person is, they can change you and sometimes, it's for the better.

Like me with Avi. He stopped me from becoming even more desolated. I used to be this bright, happy and sunny girl that everyone would love and go to in need of help or advice.

I felt used. Like the person I talk to only wants me for their own needs and not to become an actual friend of mine. After I figured out I was only being used, I became cloudy. No longer the sun everyone loved.

Everyone left me. Except for Avi Kaplan. I thought he'd be one of the firsts to leave!

But no, he is the last. He still hasn't, my inner voice spoke. Yet.

It's been raining a lot lately. Sometimes I would chuckle and say, "Wow, the sky feels like Kirstie today."

I don't know how or why it happens. Depression, I mean. It just happens. You don't even decide when it happens, either. You just start to feel randomly sad and feel like you're worthless or stupid.

People tell me I'm a beautiful girl with the perfect life, but I tell them that just because my life is perfect does not mean that I am, or anyone is.

I guess I'm the cloudy part of a sunny day.

Avi Kaplan certainly is weird, him being the sunny part and continuously being optimistic.

I envy his feelings toward the world and himself. I don't find anything colorful anymore.

I do have scars. I do cut myself. I am not ashamed of cutting myself so I don't hide them. I tend to lie about how I got them, though. I've told children they're my battle scars. They always stare at me in wonder afterwards. Some even ask, "Who did you battle?"

I always wanted to say, "Myself." but insisted on, "A dragon." or "The evil queen." Most of the mothers told them not to ask that. I always said it was okay.

Honestly, those kids asking about my scars is okay. But I'm not okay.

I'm that faded cloud when it's raining, or that rain drop that never leaves your window. I'm that dog that seems lost and stray when really, I'm just in need of rescue. I'm that gray color compared to the primary colors on the palette or the one that sticks out and yells "ugly".

But according to Avi Kaplan, I was the sky, all of the rain, the rescued dog, and the painting.

This is the story of how Avi convinced me not to commit suicide.

Let's start from the beginning, to how Avi found out.

*

It was always chilly at night, so I wore a sweater, and obviously not only for that reason, my stupid inner voice screeched.

I sighed and got ready to leave. Earlier, Avi asked me to go to Starbucks around 7, so I agreed.

By the time it actually reached 7, I was waiting in the store, wearing a black hoodie, black leggings and white Vans. My hair was curled and in a messy bun. I bet I looked bad.

I sat down and fake smiled when Avi entered. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing him, but I don't show my happiness (unless in a fake way, if that makes sense) if I ever feel any.