What would you do...when the one person who always said they would be there for you leaves you? just because you're carrying his child. They just got done promoting Breaking dawn part 1 when Kristen experiences fatigue, nausea, irritability and abn...
I had not realized how long I had been crying. wasn't even sure. It wasn't until my mom pulled my hair back and wiped my tears that I realized that I must be scaring her and was back in reality
"I'm sorry mom"
"For what?" she looked at me confusingly
"Crying so much"
"Kristen, Get real I was more worried about you when you were keeping it in. Glad you're finally letting it out. Do what you need too..."
"This is just so hard....Fuck I miss her so much...I can't help but think the worst you know" I said crying
*sigh* "yes I know hun...ive been having those thoughts too just didn't want to scare you"
"I just want her back with me. I love her so much"
"I know you do hun..can I ask you something we haven't really talked about?"
"sure go ahead can't hurt me anymore than I already am"
"what changed? you were set on adoption. I'm not saying you should have but what changed?"
"I don't know...I had been doubting myself for a while and was trying to tell myself I was doing the right thing because I was 21 and couldn't take care of a baby alone. But I couldn't go through with the adoption. yes, i was still scared shitless at the idea of taking care or her but I had to try...I suddenly felt like I was giving up on her if I went through with the adoption..so many emotions all at once you know?...I just couldn't let my baby go and I'm glad I didn't..."
"I'm so proud of you Kristen, I really am...It was amazing seeing you with your daughter for the first time."
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
it was almost 2 am and I want to sleep to consume me...but I can't. my mom and I stopped talking about an hour ago. both wanting to get some sleep but having our phones up full blast. just in case
(1 hour later)
its now 3 am and I'm still laying here...wanting to sleep but I can't. then my head goes back to the days of my pregnancy and the days after I gave birth to her and I suddenly cry again. this is all too much for me. I should be awake because she needs to nurse or something, not because someone decided to take her from me. I felt like in some sick twisted way I was being punished...or maybe it's just my hormones talking. I love my daughter more than life. I mean sure I'm potentially throwing away my career but it would be worth it. yes, I was terrified during my pregnancy. Not knowing what to think and rob left when I was 12 weeks pregnant and here I am 5 days after my beautiful daughters birth screaming into cushions wondering where my baby is and if she was wondering where I was too...to me this was worse than the actual labor to bring her into this world...this fucked up world...my fucked up world
I slowly drifted off the sleep but wasn't a long sleep ...before I knew it ....the phone rang
