Fuck You, Mate

X

Peyton's POV

Two Months Ago...

I shut the stove off and listened for any sounds from her bedroom. Her breathing evened out and it sounded like she fell back asleep.

Any other mated couple would be able to feel whether their mate was asleep, but I wouldn't know without listening since she refuses to open her mind to me; refuses to let me get the smallest bit of emotion, thoughts, anything. I know I should hear her memories, childhood, and every little thing that makes her who she is from her, but it would answer a lot of questions if she opened her mind to me. Even the slightest bit would help me in finding out what sparks her anger, or when I've said something to help calm her down.

I had opened my mind enough to let her feel my strongest emotions and general thoughts, but I didn't want to overwhelm her either. Although I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel any of it. She closes me off as if opening up the slightest bit would fucking kill her.

My mind has a void, albeit smaller than it was a week ago, still a concerning void. When I broke down her door and saw her on the couch I physically pained at the sight. She looked so weak and fragile, that my wolf almost cried out and the guilt that encompassed him at not finding her almost broke me.

The only thing keeping him alive the past few months has been the random days her wolf fought to come forward, the time I could sense her presence through the link when I would talk to her.

The longer it took the more restless and angry he became. I was angry at the smallest thing, frustrated at the slightest challenge from anyone as he felt her dying; she would not have had much time had I not found her when I did.

Thank god she told me which complex, she hid her scent well throughout the forest. I had scoured the entire woods with Adrian for the last three months and would catch the faintest bit scattered. She took a convoluted trail to mislead me. She clearly had smarts, I just wish it hadn't almost lead to her death.

A week ago she had no weight to her, no life in her at all. Her wolf was still in a weakened state, so weak I could feel or see no trace of her. Not in my mind or her brain, not to mention how far back she was.

Even sleeping, her wolf is in the shadows, not an ounce of control. I had never heard of this, never seen this.

She must have an insane amount of self control to be able to have broken her wolf like she did. I feared it was too much control, so much that she would never let me in, her wolf never having enough control to make her want me.

My mate may never need me as much as I need her. She will forever be my weakness, and if she never uses the link I will be extremely disadvantaged in the happenstance that someone uses her against me.

Although she seems to hold her own, she was weak now. Mentally and physically weak, yet she had twisted my wrist with ease, loosening my grip within seconds and taken control in minimal time.

It was good to know she could defend herself, especially when her weight comes back and she's stronger again. Mind you she's been working out and exercising more than any she-wolf I've ever known, and she is at a weaker state than she has ever been. It's impressive really, and I wonder what her strength was before this entire situation occurred.

I would have to watch in training and see just how strong she is though. She is still allowed to be challenged to the death for her title, even if she does not want it, and I would have to make sure she was ready.

She doesn't get a choice. She is Luna. Not the best circumstances, not even a little, but the only ones we have. And she could be killed for a title she doesn't want. I would have to break that in slowly. Otherwise she might fight a little more than simply twisting my wrist.