Fuck You, Mate

XLVIII

Alice's POV

I threw another two punches at the bag and pushed some hair out of my face that was falling out of my braid.

I threw another set of punches, trying to get rid of all my anger. Anger at me. Anger at my wolf. Anger at Peyton.

But mostly at me.

Since our conversation about the flowers, I couldn't help but see that he was right. That there were parts of this new environment that were good - better even, than I'd had before. And I hated it.

He'd made sure to do whatever he could, after biting me, to have me enjoy my time here, and damn him, I was.

I hated that this was the best gym I'd ever had. The best place I'd ever lived. That I felt more safe having other wolves around, not that my guard was any lower. But it was nice to know there were other people who shifted into an animal. I didn't have to ensure I was alone before shifting. I didn't have to hide my wolf here. My hearing, my vision, my strength. I didn't have to pretend I was only human.

I enjoyed the missions, despite seeing firsthand how awful it would've been had I been captured or discovered as a wolf. I enjoyed the adrenaline rush and I think I enjoyed it more knowing it wasn't for money, but to help others. I was taking all the shitty things I've done and putting that experience towards something better than cash or enjoyment.

I threw more punches, each one landing with more anger. More impact.

I stepped away, grabbing a drink of water before moving back, kicking the bag with as much force as I could.

I shouldn't have been angry with Peyton. I wasn't angry at Peyton. Not really. Yeah, he stuck me here when he bit me, sort of, but I'd also agreed to him staying Alpha, to staying here. I knew that. I'd allowed it. His bite had stuck me to him. He'd made it clear we could leave. I had agreed to stay. To becoming Luna and warrior. I looked forward to becoming warrior. To seeing if I could do it. I'm looking forward to more missions.

He may have bit me, but he also showed me I wasn't the only werewolf. He showed me I wasn't alone. That I no longer needed to fight to survive, literally. But didn't stop me from continuing either. Showed me I didn't have to be alone, but that he wouldn't press me to be dependent.

I threw another few kicks, my breath coming out in gasps. I'd been here since the last training session. Tiring myself out. Angry at myself and taking it out on a punching bag.

Being a warrior is using all the skills I learned for illegal shit and putting them to use. For probably the best reason I could think of. So many things here were the best I've had. So why was I so angry about it. Angry he was right? He'd never say I told you so, which I would deserve. He'd never even claimed to have given me anything.

Angry that everything I fought against, namely staying in one place, was what would get me to the best place in life?

No. I had traveled and moved so I wouldn't be discovered. So people wouldn't take note that there was a bigger-than-normal wolf hanging around and get curious. Or that my wolf's presence wouldn't affect other wildlife. I moved around to not form ties, because other than the guys, people ask too many questions. There were too many things to pay attention to, for instance, hearing better, seeing farther, healing quicker, or being too strong for my size. Constantly monitoring my actions so I blend in with humans and don't draw attention to myself. I'd moved to avoid capture. I don't have to do that here.

I had been so conscious and diligent in building my life, and he'd handed me a better one overnight. I hated that I hadn't done that for myself.

I continued to throw more punches and kicks at the bag. Putting all my unfounded anger into each hit. Each throw. I had to release it before I fought or I would accidentally kill an unsuspecting human tonight.