Chapter 30

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I placed the envelope in the post-box, Conor would get it by tomorrow and then he’ll have a day to think everything through. He either sees me one last time or he can leave us the way we are now. I hope to god it’s the first option. I ran back up the flight of stairs to my apartment but then realised that I wasn’t going to see George again soon either. I stopped at his door and knocked at it. He opened seconds later. I pulled him into a tight hug and he was taken back for a second but soon wrapped his arms around me.

“Can I come in” I felt him nod his head so I made my way into his apartment. “I guess this is goodbye then.” He looked confused.

“Goodbye? Where are you going? Back home to Latvia? No why can’t you stay here I’m going to miss you!”

“I’m moving to New York George, I’ve been offered a record deal there and this could be where my career picks up from. You have no idea how badly I want to stay here in the UK but I guess I have to start putting my career first from now on.” George looked shocked and so sad at the same time.

“When do you leave?”

“Thursday…” George embraced me in our second hug and I pulled him close to me. “I’m going to miss you George.”

“I’m going to miss you too Alise…You know,” George realised me from his hug. “I always thought you were really hot and if Conor wasn’t dating you then-oh shit! What about Conor?” I looked down at my feet and shuffled them a little bit.

“Let’s just say he didn’t take it as well as you have. He was pretty upset and told me to leave his house.”

“He did what! What a dick.” I shook my head at George.

“Please don’t say that about him. Yeah he made me upset but he must be upset too, I mean, I’m leaving him for a job, he has the right to be pretty pissed.”

“Yeah but telling you to leave? Surely he would want to spend as much time with you as possible. That gives me an idea! Come on I’m going to spend the day with you today as you’ll be busy getting ready tomorrow!” I agreed and George took me shopping up town and treated me to lunch and the cinema. We eventually got back home and I hugged him for what could be the last time ever.

“I’m going to miss you George, you’ve been my only true friend since I’ve got here.”

“I’m going to miss you too Alise.”

***

I was lying in bed, I had finally finished packing all that I would need for America tomorrow and I just wanted to relax. However, there was one person on my mind. Anna. I haven’t spoken to her since what happened with her and Conor but I need to speak to her now. I picked up my phone and dialled her number. It rung a few times but she soon picked up.

“Alise?”

“Hey.”

“I’ve missed you Alise…”

“I’ve missed you too, I was just calling…to see if you’re okay, I haven’t spoken to you in a while and I guess I just wanted to talk to you before I go.”

“Go? Go where?”

“I’m going to New York, I got offered a record deal after I won the competition and I decided to take it. Finally live my dream you know?”

“Wow. New York huh? That’s a big place Alise. You sure you and Conor are going to be alright over there by yourselves?” I furrowed my eyebrows even though she couldn’t see me.

“Uh, Conor’s not coming to New York with me Anna. It’s just going to be me. I even asked Conor to come with me but he refused and said that I basically wasn’t enough for him.”

“Jeez, that was pretty harsh to say that. I thought he loved you?”

“Meh, he was pissed off I guess, and he still does love me.”

“Are you sure? Because that doesn’t really sound like he loves you to me.” My hand gripped the phone tighter in my hands.

“You know what? Me calling you was a mistake. I thought I could forgive you and move but no. Fuck you Anna. Who are you to say Conor doesn’t love me anymore?” I hung up on her. I can’t believe I even was going to forgive her.

***

I was currently sitting in the airport alone. A few people had come up to me and asked for my autograph which surprised me a little as I didn’t think many people would know who I am. It was 1:00 and I would be getting on my plane in 10 minutes. This was the time that I told Conor to come and meet me but I guess he decided not to show up after all which hurt me a little inside. Who am I kidding, I feel like I’m practically dying inside.

“Can all passengers on the flight to New York make there way to the terminal please.” I stood up from my seat and grabbed my hand luggage. I walked over to the escalator but I heard someone shout my name. I turned around and saw Conor standing there gasping for breath. I ran up to him and he pulled me into a tight hug.

“I-I got your letter.” I looked up at Conor and I saw he had the letter held in his hand. “And I’m sorry for telling you to leave, I didn’t mean it. I should have let you stay with me and have the most time I could with you but I’m an idiot and I fucked everything up again.”

“No Conor, you didn’t fuck this up, this one is on me. I’m leaving you and you have no idea how much this is hurting me right now.”

“Then don’t go…Please Ali, stay with me. I don’t want you to leave me.”

“Conor I wish I could stay here in the UK with you bit I have to start thinking about my career now-”

“Why don’t you start thinking about yourself for once? Is this going to make you happy? Stop thinking about your career for one second and think about yourself. Will you be happy if you get on that plane?” I shook my head.

“No because you won’t be there with me. I want you to come with me Conor.”

“Ali, I have nothing over there. I mean yeah I’ll have you but that won’t be all the time. You haven’t thought this through really. Once you’re famous what happens? You go on tours. And what happens when you go on tours? You travel. I mean yeah I could come with you but I will just be along for the ride and that’s not what I want. I want to be with you.”

“I’m sorry Conor I really am.” The tears were constantly falling down my face by now. Another voice came from the speaker signalling that I had to leave now if I wanted to catch my plane. “I’ve got to go now. But remember what I asked you to do?” He nodded his head. “Never forget me Conor.” I pressed my lips to his and he kissed me back passionately. “And promise me you won’t get all sad and emotional on me.” Conor didn’t reply. I hugged him one last time and I stepped onto the escalator.

“I can’t promise you that Ali.” I turned back and Conor was standing there with his hands in his pockets while he was crying. I just wanted to step off this fucking escalator and wrap him in my arms and tell him that I won’t ever leave him…but I can’t.

“I love you Conor.” Conor nodded his head and walked away. He didn’t say it back. What was left of my heart slowly crumpled inside of me and I felt like I was going to collapse on the floor any minute. I got to the top of the escalator and caught another glimpse of Conor.

“I LOVE YOU TO ALI!” Those last few words will be forever in my mind. I won’t forget Conor and I hope that he won’t forget me. He was my first love and I think it would be impossible If I were ever to forget him. I walked onto the plane and took my seat. I stared out of the window and let my mind wonder on what things could have been if I never signed that piece of paper.  

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