Chapter 19

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“What do you think is going to happen to us after the competition?” I was laying on my side on the X-Factor’s sofa, looking into Conor’s eyes, him doing the same. “Will you want to keep in contact with me or do you reckon you will just leave and go on with your life and never look back?” Conor looked sad.

“You know I could never do that right? I was without you for a few days, I couldn’t stand that, so do you really think I will be able to last forever without you?” He placed one hand on my cheek and caressed it. “This isn’t just a bit of fun while we are here you know? This is real, what I feel in here,” Conor pointed to his chest, “Is real…” 

“What do you feel in here?” I placed my hand on Conor’s chest and his eyes fluttered closed. I felt his heart speed up under my hand and Conor placed his hand over mine.

“Love. I love you Alise.” I looked at him and gave him a peck on the cheek.

“Thank you.” I got up and walked away. Shit. I couldn’t tell him I loved him back yet because I’m still getting back to our old routine. Yes I had feelings for him but they are recovering feelings. I’m not going to rush into things and get myself hurt again like last time I let my feelings show.

“Thank you? I just told you I loved you and you say ‘Thank you’? Well jee thanks Ali, just embarrass me a lot there!” I turned around and saw that Conor had followed me. “Out of all the things you could have said you said ‘thank you’?”

“What did you want me to say Conor? That I love you too? Is that what you wanted me to say? Because I can’t! Not yet at least!” Conor looked hurt but what did he expect? I ran my hands through my hair and sighed loudly. “Conor what did you expect? You thought we would jump back into a full on relationship? It doesn’t work like that? You have to give it…Time. I need time okay! I have feelings for you but you destroyed them a bit after-”

“After all I did? Yes I know what I did was wrong Alise so why do you keep bringing it back up? I told you I was sorry, so many times! So why do you keep making me feel even worse about myself than I already do!”

“Because you just don’t quite understand what you actually did to me do you! I said I would give us ago again Conor, that does not mean I am going to admit my unconditional love for you! You made me feel like shit okay so don’t act like you knew this wasn’t going to happen, you knew too well that this was so cut the crap and stop feeling sorry for yourself that I didn’t say I love you back okay! You should feel sorry for me!” I jabbed my finger into my chest, tears falling down myself. “You should feel sorry for me Conor.” I walked away from him.

“So you’re you’rejust going to walk away from me and leave it like that, if you don’t want me then just say, stop walking away from our problems!” I turned back to Conor and wiped away the tears.

“Don’t you ever say I just walked away, because I will always want you okay Conor, you don’t understand! No matter what you do I will always coming running back to you and I hate myself for being so weak! It seems like we always argue now for the most pathetic reasons!”

“What are you saying Ali?”

“I’m not saying anything Conor. God I like you okay I like you a lot but that does not mean I am ready to say that I love you again okay.” I walked over to him and hugged him. “I hate fighting with you.” He wrapped his arms around me and sighed. “Time. Thats all I need okay Conor, just please be patient.” I looked up at Conor and his eyes burned into mine. He eventually nodded his head.

“I have all the time in the world.” Conor leaned down and placed his lips onto mine. It all happened so quickly. My lips on Conor’s. The camera flash. And then seeing one of the girls in a group called ‘Wicked’ with a phone in her hand. Pointing at me and Conor. Shit.

“Well well well! What do we have here then?” She had an evil smirk on her face and I knew what she was going to do.

“Frankie, don’t do this. Please, I’m beginning you, this means everything to me!” Tears began to stream down my face. She was going to get me sent home. There was meant to be no kissing, touching or any relationships on in the house and me and Conor had been caught breaking one of the rules and there was evidence to.

“But the thing is…if you leave, then I have a better chance of winning…Bye lovelies!” She skipped out but I charged after her. I tackled her to the floor and grabbed her phone out of her hands and chucked it to Conor. I pinned her down while Conor could delete the evidence. “Get the fuck off me! Help! H-” I clamped my hand over her mouth so she couldn’t scream.

“Shit! It has a password on it Alise! We’re screwed.” I removed my hand off of Frankie’s face and she gave me an evil smile.

“Like I said…Bye lovelies!” 

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