Back To Basics {Malum AU}

[10.] Try again

Regret. They both felt so much regret about the kiss.

Calum knew Michael wasn't ready for it, but ignored it and let his passion and sorrow build up, and Michael was too bewildered to do anything but kiss back. The result was Michael pushing Calum off.

Both had agreed to try and forget about it, pretend it had never happened. Michael tried, but his mind was so conflicted. He couldn't tell if he wanted the kiss or not. It felt good, obviously, and the way their lips moulded together, moving in sync. It felt warm and familiar, obviously Michael knew why. He couldn't just say, oh I wonder why that felt good and familiar? Part of him recognised Calum. But he didn't know if he was ready for it.

Michael didn't know if he wanted to forget about it, but how could he have someone else in his life, that he was supposed to love, if he didn't even know himself, to love himself? It was impossible. He didn't think he was ready, but how was he supposed to know he was ready.

It was all too confusing.

Michael sighed and wheeled away from the window, the sun was right on him, and he could feel his pale ass skin burning.

He briefly contemplated going down the wards to see Luke, but then he remembered Luke had left the hospital three days ago. Michael had already made the mistake of going down the wings to his old room.

He was greeted by an empty room when he did, the spot where Luke put all of his various gifts of food and tacky stuffed animals was empty, the table by his bedside, which used to contain a lynx deodorant, a photo of his family and friends, his iPad and endless amounts of gum packets, was now also void of Luke's random crap.

Room 107 was empty. And just further reminded Michael he was now alone. Of course people would still visit, Luke and Ashton came yesterday, his parents and grandparents this morning.

But at the beginning of all this he would get so many visitors, lots of different people, sometimes many in just one day. But as the weeks went on, fewer and fewer people came.

Some he had only seen once, others came every now and again, or didn't come back at all. They had moved on with their lives.

The only regular visitors he had were Calum, Ashton, his parents and Luke.

He says had, as Calum had stopped coming. Again.

True it had only been three days, but he had heard nothing from the brown haired boy. Luke told him Calum hadn't spoken to him since the trip, as the blonde was still not back at school. Ashton just said Calum hadn't mentioned it.

Regret.

Michael shouldn't have called Calum in there, Calum did first lean in for the kiss, but Michael kissed back. Calum wasn't the only one to blame here.

Except now he was being a dick about it. Sure, it would be awkward for a little while between them, but the sooner they got past it, the sooner they could move on and not give a damn.

Nobody knew about it, except Michael's mum, he had to tell someone. He needed advice, he was lost on how to feel about it.

Oddly, his mum was over the moon when he told her about the kiss, she squealed and hugged him. Saying she was glad him and Calum got back together.

But they hadn't got back together, he told her that.

"You need to do what feels right Michael." She told him, "I know it's confusing, and you're lost. But I can't tell you how you feel, only you can do that." She told him.

She was right, but he couldn't be with Calum. Not now at least.

For a moment he sat there, halfway between his bed and the bathroom.