20. Berto's Ale House

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20. Berto's Ale House

We find ourselves at Berto's Ale House. Of course, before we even get to Charlie's business, she asks about me. I tell her what she needs to know, leaving out the fact that I'm a Hell escapee and as a result of that I'm a demon. In turn, I give her the time to catch us up on what the hell we're getting ourselves into.

"Let me get this straight," I say carefully, as I'm sitting beside her. "There're two of you—one good, one...bad?"

"Yeah, what, dick you is some sort of ninja?" asks Dean.

"She is a badass, yeah," Charlie admits.

"O-okay," says Sam. "Hold on. Back up. We were there for Dorothy, Oz, yellow brick road. B-but then..."

"War." Charlie shivers. "The war for Emerald City. It was awesome. Until not so much. We were gonna lose, so I made a deal with the wizard...of Oz. Wears a hood and a creepy mask, kind of a jerk—good times. He said for us to win, I had to unleash my true darkness, which he meant literally. He used the inner key of Oz. It opens a door to your soul and lets the darkness out. Uh, we're still connected physically. If you hurt her, you hurt me.

"But bottom line, she's bad, and I'm good. And let me just tell you, being good is really annoying. Normally in a place like this, I'd be pounding Harvey Wallbangers and checking out the bartender's ass. Now all I want to do is sip club soda and send her to college."

Well, that speech alone tells me a few things. One, the Emerald City is real. It might as well be at this point. Two, I missed an opportunity to meet Dorothy. Three, Charlie has a thing for women. Is it bad that I'm wondering if she'd find me attractive if both halves of her were mixed together again?

"Okay, uh...good Charlie," Dean says after a minute. "So, why is dark Charlie gunning for revenge?"

"She's trying to win me back. Dark Charlie won the war single-handedly."

I nod. "That is pretty badass," I admit.

"But...She did some truly awful things. But I told her I didn't want any part of her near me again, ever. Going after the person who mur—mur—uh...Who took my parents away is her messed-up way of showing me how close we are, or—or could be. I keep calling her 'she,' but she's me. I'm the one doing this."

"Charlie, that—that's not who you are, okay? It's—it's a twisted version of—"

"Me. I've been following her so I can catch her before she does something stupid a-and just lock her away forever."

"Uh, Charlie?" says Sam. "That's not an answer."

"Sam's right," Dean agrees. "We'll go back to Oz, and we'll—we'll get the key from the Wizard of Douche, and we'll put you back together."

"Even if I did want her back...Look, dark me broke the key," Charlie explains. "There's no way to get back to the wizard."

"Okay, okay," I say, rubbing my temples, "first thing's first. We need to find dark Charlie before she finds the drunk driver. So, we know Barbara gave up her old bank statements, right? That's what Sam told us. That means dark Charlie will probably follow the money back to whoever made the payoffs."

"That's what I would do."

"All right."

"I'll get some refills," says Dean.

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