Loss | Kim Taehyung

014: adoring.

熱愛します
ADORING

taehyung was wrong.

it changed everything, whether he wanted it to or not.

he wished he could control his feelings, but his head and heart will crave what it wanted to crave for. and that was her.

couldn't be around inha without wanting to pull her closer, couldn't look at her for more than five seconds without his eyes darting down to her lips. it had almost been a week, but he already missed how her fingers had threaded through his hair, her weight on his lap, her lips against his.

it had almost been a week, and they didn't talk about even once. supposed that it was better that way.

things weren't actually different. they still talked, hung out, texted each other. but he was looking at her differently now.

yet he knew, that she didn't feel the same way. not yet. not now. maybe not ever.

with inha, taehyung could never be sure.

he was used to it, though. rejection had become his best friend a long time ago.

/

"taehyung."

he didn't know how they had ended up like this. in his room, on his bed, empty bottles of alcohol strewn all over the carpet. it was inha's idea to get wasted anyway, so she was the one to blame for the way he was leaving soft kisses on her jaw. he could barely control himself when he was sober, did she really think he was going to do better when he's drunk?

her fault. everything was her fault.

"taehyung."

he loved how perfect his name sounded on her lips. loved how soft her skin felt. how she looked laying down under—

"taehyung."

"mmm," he mumbled into her neck. loved how nice she smelled. like vanilla. he loved vanilla. how she gasped when he sucked at the skin on her collarbone.

"what are you— what are we doing?"

"i don't know. but you're not stopping me, so," he kissed her cheek, nose, eyelid, hovered over her lips. that was when he felt a hand on the back of his neck pulling him down. their lips collided for the briefest seconds before he pulled away, looking down at the girl he was slowly starting to fall for. a smug smirk appeared on his swollen lips. "and i don't think you want me to."

his hand found her cheek, thumb caressing her soft skin as the girl looked up at him with wide eyes. he couldn't tell what she wanted. everything was too hazy and hot. felt the temperature rise up frantically and suddenly he felt like he had too many clothes on.

"i don't know what i want," her voice was barely a whisper, but it was a lullaby to his ears.

maybe it was the alcohol, maybe taehyung was just too drunk off her, but there was this sudden confidence that sparked in his gut. he was desperate, eager, longed to love and feel loved in return.

"let me help you with that."

taehyung lowered himself down and kissed her like his life depended on it and he only wished she knew just how much it did. a soft whine that was music to his hears escaped her mouth when he bit down on her bottom lip. their bodies were so close he couldn't feel when he ended and she began, only felt the rise and fall of her chest as his lips moved down to her chin, her jaw, and her neck. the purple bruises he planted on her skin were works of art on an already masterpiece.

"taehyung," inha breathed, almost like a whimper that had fireworks explode in his gut.

"i'll only stop if you tell me to."

it could've been the alcohol messing with his senses but taehyung swore he heard a soft moan when his teeth grazed her skin. he expected her to push him off any second now, to yell at him about how he was making it worse and how wrong this was. he knew,  but he wanted to forget for just one night.

and for once, it seemed like she was feeling the same way.

"taehyung," she whispered his name like a secret that only she was in on, "please."

taehyung felt a hand tug at the hem of his shirt. suddenly, the fabric was over his head and thrown off the bed. his lips never left hers as he worked on the buttons of her blouse. he was out of breath, both of them were, but not one seemed to mind. he actually liked it, the feeling of gasping for air.

next thing he knew, too many clothes had turned into none at all.

taehyung adored a lot of things about inha. how strong she was despite everything she'd gone through, her rare but contagious smile, how much she cared even if she didn't show it.

tonight, he adored how she whispered his name like a plea. how her nails dug down on his back. every flutter of her eyes and shift of her hips had him going insane. the room that only had their thoughts and worries hanging in the air was now filled with grunts and moans of pleasure and strings of curses that did so little to express how he felt. his hands roamed everywhere, pinned hers down when she started pulling at his hair. adored how her throat hitched whenever he pushed his weight on her. adored how she screamed his name like her life depended on it, how she begged for him to keep going.

he adored how beautiful she looked under his weight, how she threw her head back with every thrust, exposing her neck that he only wanted to plant more kisses on. adored how right it felt to have her legs wrapped around his waist, adored every curve of her back. he wished she could capture how her expression changed from pain to pleasure as his hips moved against hers.

tonight, their head and hearts were tangled messes as they were a tangle of limbs in the sheets.

taehyung knew this wasn't bound to last. the euphoria and bliss would vanish the morning after and they would be left to go back to how things were, hurting and mending and hurting again. having her body against his could only do so much to ease his pain.

but his drunk heart and mind was a little too greedy to care anyway. so for one night, taehyung made her give him everything he asked for, even if what he wanted was so much more that what she was willing to give.

later, when they had come down from their high, chest heaving and all sweaty with hair sticking onto their foreheads, taehyung wondered if anything will ever be enough again.

+ a/n:
asdfhkllfsv i hate this dont make me do this again this shit is unedited so pls dont shit on me im sorry