Loss | Kim Taehyung

013: apologizing.

謝罪
APOLOGIZING

inha knocked on taehyung's door frantically. she hoped that he wasn't in at the moment so she could go home and avoid talking to him. she wanted to, she wouldn't have come all this way if she didn't. it's just that the idea of seeing him after all of that, after what hoseok told her, she didn't know if she could handle it or not. inha really didn't want to break taehyung's heart.

kim taehyung didn't deserve pain and agony, he deserved the world and all the good things that came with it. he deserved more than her. she didn't think she could give him all of that. at least not now.

but she knew that he was expecting her to come around at some point, and was probably eager to see her and hear her voice.

she counted the seconds until she heard soft footsteps from behind the door. the handle turned, it took her all her will to not turn around and run back home.

inha was wrong, taehyung hadn't been expecting her. maybe not this soon. his brown eyes widened when they landed on her figure standing in his hallway. inha could only force an apologetic smile. without saying anything, taehyung opened the door wider for her to step in.

inha scrunched up her nose at the smell of cigarettes when she entered his living room. she plopped down on his couch, spotted the ashtray on the coffee table. it was empty, but she knew taehyung well enough that he had disposed all of the cigarettes before he answered the door.

taehyung joined her on the couch but kept his distance, sitting on the armrest instead of the empty space beside her. she wished he was closer. no matter how complicated things became after yesterday, taehyung was still someone whose company she loved. they were only inches apart, but inha felt like taehyung was in another place entirely. he was slowly moving farther away, though that was her fault. she did push him away—literally—after all.

"so," taehyung was the first to break the silence. inha was glad, she couldn't take it anymore. "you talked to hoseok?"

"yeah." taehyung wasn't looking at her, maybe didn't want to look at her, "taehyung—"

"i'm sorry i kissed you."

inha knew him well enough to know that he was lying. knew that he didn't regret it, that he felt everything that she didn't. she wished it was easy. nothing ever was, she realized.

"i'm sorry i pushed you away," was all she could offer.

the smiled that formed on his face didn't reach his eyes. he scooted closer then, now just a few centimeters next to her and inha was glad at the new proximity, meant that he wasn't completely trying to force a distance between them. but taehyung smelled of smoke again. he was next to her, yet he wasn't. his eyes are lost and the curve of his lips was meaningless. he was hesitant and distant. this taehyung was the taehyung when they had first met again.

all because she pushed him away.

"this doesn't—" he started, breath seemingly caught in his throat and she wondered if this was as hard for him as it was for her, "this doesn't have to change anything."

"okay." the room was too quiet, they were too quiet.

suddenly taehyung laughed. it was so abrupt and the sound had caught inha off guard. she glanced at the boy next to her, hands rubbing at his chin as he tried so hard to contain his giggles. maybe taehyung beat her to it, maybe he'd gone insane before she did. inha could only stare. didn't really mind. she liked looking at taehyung. she could look at him all day.