Loss | Kim Taehyung

001: coping.

対処
COPING

the whole week had been a whirlwind.

a cluster events with inha standing on the sidelines. it's not that she didn't want to participate, it's just that she couldn't. her body was incapable of functioning properly over the past few days. who would be after they find their boyfriend's body lying unconscious with a hole in his head?

the smell of blood lingered her senses.

she coped, but barely. she walked around the house grief-stricken and angry but mostly just confused as to why. why did he do this? what made him do it? could she have prevented it? why why why why why? 

she sulked. threw things at the walls. screamed and cried in the shower and did nothing but curl in bed, inhaling the soft scent of her pillows, fist clenching the covers as she was reminded of all the times he held her there. kissed her, made love, whispered sweet nothings in her that would be the last thing she heard before sleep took her. because of that, she hadn't been able to sleep. just lying on the bed physically burned which was ironic as the empty space beside her was very much cold. made her toss and turn at night.

so it was safe to say that inha hadn't had a good night sleep since her boyfriend finally decided to sleep forever.

sometimes her mother would visit, but only because she needed to. she was a busy woman who obviously had better things to do then tend to her daughter moping around. all in the while she wished for her mother to leave earlier every time she was in the apartment, because the woman being there made her sufocate. frankly, she wished that the woman wouldn't bother coming at all.

all she needed was some time.

and those times she spent sitting on his grave for hours. mostly she would just sit, and when she was feeling like it wasn't too much work, she would talk. tell him how her day went, how much of a pain in the ass her mother was being, that she was practically smothered by the woman as the days went. sometimes she would even smile.

it made everything easier. knowing that he was out there somewhere, listening. it comforted her. even if it's just for a while.

but there were also times where she would weep, bury her face in her hands as she let her tears flow. saying things like sorry, i miss you, i love you, please come back, but mostly why did you leave me?

if he had been looking at her then, he would've shook his head at how pathetic she was being. he would've wanted her to move on, go on with her life as she normally would.

but he was dead and she was dying.

there were also days where she grew tired of blaming herself over and over again, so she blamed him instead.

as selfish as it sounded, it eased the pain a lot.

today, however, wasn't any one of those times. today was different. different in the form of a brown-haired boy on the spot she usually sat by jimin's grave.

this was the first time inha had seen someone here besides her. surely jimin had a lot of friends, but she had been the only by his grave for the past week, the only one leaving flowers and asked how he was doing. the only one keeping him company. it was like his death was merely a sad tragedy that went by and everyone had moved on already, and inha was the only who had trouble recovering.

but there was this boy.

he had his back in towards her, head down and shoulder slumping. he seemed unfamiliar, but she couldn't really tell from this angle. so took wary steps closer to the boy, clearing her throat once she was right behind him.

he looked up at her. his red-rimmed eyes with the bags under met hers. thin mouth set into a firm line as one tear slowly fell on his already damp cheeks. his hair was an unruly mess of tangled dark brown strands.

no, she definitely did not know him. didn't remember him from the funeral, either. but he was here.

but as she looked into his dark-brown eyes, the melancholy that filled them had been all too familiar.

like looking into the mirror.

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a/n: hi so i can't write angst and this is shit and i like the prologue better and sorry. but more to come soon! thanks for your support <3 i'm really excited for this