Forever Lost

Chapter Three: Poor Mark Waters

He just stood there, his arms still around me, sliding them back only to put his hands on my hips. Even though his expression hadn't changed, I could tell I wounded him.

"You know that if we were meant to be together, we would have been in that love seat, just like Rebecca and Derick," who were still making out happily, "but we're not. We're friends, just friends, always will be and nothing more than that, nothing more." my voice sounded cold and hard.

I made the mistake of looking in his eyes. Although his expression was stone hard and blank, his eyes were vibrant with a deep glistening blue. His affection for me was still there, no point in hiding it, but next to that was the same emotion I wore the day Mark- oh no. How did it find its way back to me? I shoved it back, again, and spoke with a sorrow as great as his pain.

"I'm sorry, but now is not the time to start a relationships, especially after this morning. Just-" A tear skidded down his cheek. "-don't cry!" I wrapped my arms around his neck, his arms going around my back again.

I never knew it would be this hard, then again, this is reality, not some book's lame idea of a plot to have two people struggle maintaining a steady relationship then in the end they both eventually find the love of their lives, leave each other, then at the high school reunion, fall in love with each other again and have a secret affair behind their spouses back, get caught, then watch them -the spouses NOT cheating on the other- hang themselves in utter misery. So cliche!

Apparently, my action of sympathy must have been misinterpreted as affection since a loud yelp of perk screamed out the words right into my ear, "Holy shit, is that what I think I see? You owe me five bucks, Joe!" Jessica, of course it was Jessica.

I quickly spun around to face her, Chris' eyes still focused on mine, his hand still on my waist. I would have batted it away but my first priority was to silence her.

"You finally got together! I told you, I told you they would." Jessica snatched the bill from between Joe's fingers, an entertained smirk on his face Jessica was bouncing up in down, bathing in her victory.

"We're not together!" I shouted at her.

That must have been like a slap in the face, like a sword through his soul, a bullet through his head.

Chris was shocked back and stared at me. Oh great, it's May 10th and I shot him down. What next, Mask gets murdered? Oh that would really put him overboard!

With Chris, he needed to be told gently, and that was not gentle.

His eyes were deep blue, the tears forming into tiny crystal sorrows. He said nothing, just looked at me.

"No, I-"

He pushed me aside then ran out the door, slamming it shut.

I glared at Jessica.

"What?" she said confused

That's all it took. The thought rushed back to the front, punching me with the memory. I was losing my mind.

"You know what happened to Mark Water! You know why I haven't dated anyone for eleven years! You know that's the only reason that I-" I stopped, my mind so engulfed in the horrible memories that I couldn't speak. I was chocking on my words and y heart was beating so fast that I could barely breathe. My head ached with the guilt I owned. I became light headed. My eyes rolled behind my head, my heart stopped beating and I fell to the floor in a large crash.

I could have sworn I was dead.

*   *   *

Apparently,  didn't. I woke up in Chris' arms. He was staring down at me, his eyes full of guilt and sorrow. I was lying on a large, black couch, my head on Chris' lap, his arm around me protectively, the other caressing my face gently, affectionately.

When I opened my eyes, his face relaxed and he lifted his hand to reach something else on the other side of him.

I rubbed my head, sitting up slowly, Chris kept his arm around me and helped me sit against the back rest. I was now sitting on his lap, which was sweet but awkward, and wrong.

"I'm sorry," he spoke first. Before I could even ask he broke into tears.

"Chris? Why are you crying?" I was so confused!

"If I hadn't bugged out like that you wouldn't have passed out yesterday."

"You? It was all Jessica's - where are we? What time is it?"

Chris began to pull himself together. He sniffed. "It's one AM and we are at Rebecca's house still, and we are still in the living room. Everyone's over there." he pointed to the window. "Including Jessica." they were all outside.

"Is she mad at me?" If she wasn't, the world had fallen apart.

He laughed. At least he's better. "No," -We're all going to die.- "Renee talked to her." Never mind, we're safe. He stopped. "Renee's great." his expression was thoughtful, "She told me about Mark Waters."

That was a mistake. My heart seemed to skip a beat and I nearly fainted again. I managed to find my breath again, but it was heavy. "How- did- you- know- about- him?" I was gasping.

"Oh, too soon? Sorry, I didnt' know that-" in my mind he was drawing yet another tally mark under mistakes of today. The board read a total of to many to count.

"It's been eleven years, Chris, eleven years! I can't stand the guilt, I can't. It's building inside of me and I never wanted it to effect me, but now that I've hidden it so much I- I- I-"

"Breathe, Melody, breathe." he put his hand on mine, but I was so overwhelmed with emotion I couldn't even look at him, it didn't even matter that it was wrong.

I've tried so hard to deny what I did, to prevent its recurrence, thinking that if I kept it in the back of my head long enough it would no longer be true. It'd disappear, but instead, the guilt, the pain, the memory, it's all coming back and I can't hold it back any longer.

I squish my eyes shut and I scream out the words so loud that everyone outside turns to stare at me in shock.

"I killed Mark Waters!"