Eric Lets Go

Chapter 33

"That's it?" I ask but he cuts me off.

"But!" He rolls his eyes and grabs another can.

"When I found that you didn't want me back, I slowly have thought about just killing myself. That way I wouldn't have to watch you be with another guy," he says like it's nothing.

My heart feels like it stopped and my stomach just dropped. I stare at him shocked.

My throat feels like it's closing in on me and the back of my eyes start to ache. "You're kidding right?" I purse my lips together to keep them from quivering. My vision blurrs as the tears begin to spill.

"Nope," he says after he sips his beer.

"You want to committ suicide, because of me?" I try to say but it comes out as a whisper.

"It's really not that big of a deal. And you said you wouldn't make a big deal out of that," he whines.

"Sam! We are talking about your life here!" I yell.

"Don't start yelling! You promised you wouldn't!" He yells back.

"That was before I found out you want to kill yourself! Because of me!" The tears are streaming down my face really quickly now and my chest is feeling really heavy.

"So now you're going back on your word," he spits between his teeth.

"How? Why?" I'm speechless. "Sam, I love you and you are a big part of my life right now. You are my best friend. I don't need you to kill yourself, I don't want you to," I cry.

As if all the alcohol had drained out of him, he set down his beer and scooted closer to me.

"Come here," he whispers soothingly in my ear.

He wraps his arms around me but I shake vigorously in his arms.

"Shhh," he coos. "It's okay, it's okay. I love you," he continues.

"No its not okay. How could you ever think about killing yourself?"

"I don't know, it just slowly creeped into my head and became the best option."

"Please, don't ever do it. Call me selfish but you don't even know how much pain that will put me through."

"Yeah well you don't know how much pain you put me through," he chuckles in his drunken state.

"I'm sorry," I grip his shirt. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry," is all I can say. "I had no clue I caused you this much pain. I'm so sorry," I try to bury my face into his shirt more but he grips the sides of my head and pulls me out and in front of him.

Our foreheads are leaning against each other and I keep my eyes closed, simply concentrating on the smell of heavy alcohol coming off of his hot breathe.

"Look at me," he demands.

I scrunch my eyes up for a quick moment, trying to stop the tears.

"Look at me," he demands again. I open up my eyes and look into his. "You have nothing to be sorry for, okay?" I don't say anything because I feel like I have everything to be sorry for. "Okay?" He emphasizes.

I force myself to nod which only makes me hurt and cry even more.

"Hey," he moves his head back a little more. Because he is insanely intoxicated his head rolls back and then to the side and then he steadies it in its normal position.

Sam wiggles his thumbs across my cheeks in attempt to wipe away my tears. "Don't waste your tears on me," he whispers.

"Don't take your life because of me," I whisper back.