The Diary Project 2-Relationships

9-10-10 thru 9-13-10 I swear I can die happy

OMG!! I had the best day ever with Thomas, Talia, & Ronald! I swear I can die happy. Ah! That boy! I luff Thomas! Omg. Okay so today is the first day I've been able to spend normally with Talia & so I was already SUPER happy about that :D But the rest of the day got SOOO much better with Thomas! Okay, we four (plus Ned) did  early morning volunteering and that in itself was eventful. We were all happy & playing around and saying "That's what he/she said/did" and just having a great teenage time together.

One of the times that we were locking Ronald out of the car, Talia's window was down a bit so I put my hand through it & was like, "Ronald, unlock it from the window!" [I thought we were supposed to be keeping him out?] And then Thomas rolled up the window on my hand! Me & Talia both yelled & he rolled it down & unlocked the door. Then a little while later I got him to kiss it :D He kept apologizing for it the rest of the day hehe

And then the next thing that happened was at El Portal because it was Ned & Ronald sitting on one side & me & Talia on the other & Thomas was wondering where to sit because behind us, Ginger & Samuel & their friend Needra were sitting, so I scootched aside & told him to sit next to me. And he did hehe. [It's the little things in life.] So later we're all done & we're waiting around to leave & I'm tired so I ask Thomas if I can have my Twinkie pillow to lean on and he's like, "Fine". So I lean on his shoulder & Talia leans on me because she's slouched shorter than me. Then she links arms with me & so I link arms with Thomas & suggest someone take a picture of us. No one did but omg what an incredible start to the day :D

Then at the regular volunteer-time meeting we decided it would be us 5 again in a car group. It was so fun. Nothing really happened between me & Thomas, just regular flirting. But then for lunch we all went to In 'N Out & it all went down the tubes lol. I told Thomas about the whole turn-on spot/whisper around the head thing and now he's on a mission to find out which spot & direction turns me on. So then after In 'N Out we dropped Ned off & decided to keep our same volunteer group for the afternoon.

Talia told Thomas about my palm & wrist turn on spot so he kept rubbing that randomly & turning me on. I pretended to get mad at him, but I can't ever stay mad at him so he never took me seriously & just did it more *rolls eyes* Fast forward to the end and it makes me smile SO much! It made my year :D Thomas & I had been texting back & forth all day on his phone (since I can't anymore) & sometimes we'd keep it just out of reach of each other & so he typed something & was doing that & I was totally leaning my head on his shoulder & reaching across his lap for the phone when I was like "Oh forget it!" & I gave up & let my arms drop onto his lap & just stayed there. He was already stroking my palm cuz my hand was facing up, so I left my left arm on his left that was holding the phone & put my head against his forearm & just laid/leaned there stroking his arm with my thumb. Ahhh, it was SO nice!

I had forgotten what he felt like & how nice it is when he strokes my arm/wrist/palm. I'm in love with his hands. I don't know what it is but I love his hands, the way they look, the way they feel, everything. And I haven't had them on my skin since everything happened back in June. Two months of missing Thomas & trying to pretend that there's nothing between us...no wonder I've been so down & sad & pissy. Ever since Friday I've been so happy & peaceable and go-with-the-flow. This is the effect Thomas has on me & I like it :) And I really like him. Yesterday I was talking to Faye about her nephew & I was like "I already like someone" & she asked me who & at first I wasn't gonna' tell her but I told her "It's okay, everyone knows; I like Thomas."

She nodded like it didn't surprise her and she said, "That'll probably never go away."

And I was like "Yeah no I'm not expecting it to." And then I told her about us dating in two years. We've JUST started talking about that & it's only been once or twice. The problem is that we never talk seriously or about anything that really matters. It's always flirting & nice, normal friendshipness topics.

The one thing I've heard him talk about serious is when he told me about his grandpa dying & how he wasn't allowed to cry or grieve because he was being the consoler for Linda & Natalie and the rest of the family & then I came along and tried to be there for him & show him that he's safe with me, that he can open up; he never had had that. And basically that's the only thing he'd ever wanted, someone who cared for him & looked out for him. That same phone call he told me that because I'm doing that for him & I want him to feel secure around me, he will do anything for me.

That was the most serious conversation we have had since we've become friends again. But it's only been a year & yeah, that's longest I've had a guy best friend, so maybe what we need is just time. And I've never opened up to any of my guy friends before so I guess it'll come in time. If I had never stopped being his friend when we were kids, then I'd known him very well by now, but I also prolly wouldn't be as emotionally close to him now. It'd be completely platonic & I'd be going for Faye's nephew lol. Anyways, I'm so happy. I'm not even thinking about when it'll end, I'm living in the now.

-Rane C.

[I always wonder what would have happened if Thomas and I had never started hating each other before getting close again...and also, would I ever have gotten with Faye's nephew? He was cute!]