I love this year. 2010...looks so cool & I grad! :D Holler! (Simone n I's lil' word hahaha) We have a church talent show coming up. I'm singing Good Riddance by Green Day & Samuel's gonna' play guitar. I'm also in a dance routine w/ Simone, her mom, her sister, Ginger and her mom, and Leigh. There's 3 more girls too. I think there's like 16 acts, maybe almost 20 now. They all sounds really funny or entertaining. I'm worried about yawning during my performance. I yawn when I sing. I'm getting closer again to Ginger. [We are on/off with our relationship.] Her & James are my "pet" friend projects right now cuz I don't do well with a ton of friends so I'm trying my best to get back close to them again. Okay, I'm avoiding a subject but I guess I can't any longer...I like Thomas...again. [I used to like him when I was little, but it was a secret and then Keith and I happened...] People (okay like 3) say it's Keith all over again. I'm trying my hardest for it not to be. I've already been down the road of "secret/too young" dating. I'm not gonna do it again! Thomas & I realize we're too young, he's gonna' wait till 20 I'ma wait till 21 or 22. We ain't gonna' date. It will not end up like before. I refuse. The ground rules still apply for me, I don't call him unless I need to know something, it's more of him calling me, I don't touch him much...okay lie. I do tickle him sometimes overtly and we'll hug discriminately and today I gave him like a 30 sec message in the car. [Scandalous!] I like him a lot and he's my best guy friend. I'm really close to him & I want him to always be happy. He's left out constantly. I hate to see him (or any of my friends) in pain. It happens sooo much though. It hurts me every time.
I love how we flirt tho; it's so sexy & seductive (ik, kill me now, I'm acting like a girl). We just stare at each other (I'd never imagine that he could look so cute to me!) I can't keep my eyes off him. When we're and walking, we'll get really close & our arms will hang down & they'll bump into each other & twice our fingers have kinda' like intertwined but we've not held hands & I'm not planning on any more further action. I have feelings for him, I'm not going to act that way on him. I have had the urge to kiss him, which is different than me & Keith. I never really wanted to kiss him, but I crave Thomas' lips for some reason. Actually, I just crave him, his hands, his body. The reason I'm like, kinda' eh about it all is because I know one or both of us is prolly gonna' get disinterested in the other. And my feelings for him are more sexual than anything (altho I will NEVER act those urges or cravings). We've SOOO much in common though, but we have the BIG things to disagree on: children, family size, job, goals (spiritual & worldly). We would not be a good match marriage wise. Personality & view-wise yes a lot, but everything else, no. I don't see this going farther in the future. By my graduation, I doubt I'll like him very much as more than a friend. But we'll see. I'm hott for him now.
Rane C.
[Remember that I'm still not allowed to date, I'm 17 right now, so we were trying to be good...yeah, uh huh.]
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The Diary Project 2-Relationships
غير روائيRane's almost out of high school and she's already out of her first relationship. How will her newly budding friendship with Thomas fare? And will she be able to hold her life together as she moves into the newest phase of her life?
